In Times Past
by My writing is this
Summary: This is a story about a young woman who falls into the hands of the Legendary Sarmatian Knights' and her journey with them. A journey through heartache and fear. A journey to learn how to love and live again.
1. Prologue

_**A/N: Most of the prologue is the same but some of it is different. The end of it is different that leads somewhere rather different from the first version. Tell me what you think no matter what it is. Is this better than the first one??? Yes? No? PLEASE tell me the truth and what you think about it. Thank you!!!**_

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_**PROLOGUE**_

I looked out the window in high hopes that the day would end and Derek would come and pick me up. It was finally going to happen. Three years together and he was finally going to propose. I couldn't have been happier. It occupied so much of my time that when I looked down at my doodling I had absentmindedly written Paige Daniels on a scrap of paper, nearly filling the entire page. I grinned at it and then added Winters in between it thinking I may keep my maiden name and drop my middle. Who even thought Ivey was a good name for middle or any other I don't know. It was ridiculous, I preferred Winters better.

"You have become absolutely ridiculous."

"What?" I said and looked up into a friendly face. "Sorry Meg. I just can't help it."

"You don't even know that he's for sure going to do it. You shouldn't get your hopes up until you are one-hundred percent." She told me.

"Go ahead, dash my dream." I grinned up at her. "Just because you're marriage is perfect doesn't mean you have to bash the possible ones that could surpass you."

Meg just shook her head. "Get the hell out of here. You've been daydreaming so much that you haven't even realized that it's past four."

I looked over at the clock. "Shit! I'm supposed to be ready by five-thirty."

"Good luck!" Meg called after me as I ran from the building.

I drove home as fast as I could and grabbed my suitcase from the closet. I started to load clothes and the necessary accessories into it. I would have been ready on time but while I was going through my clothes I decided to try on one of the outfits I had planned on bringing only to change my clothes dozens more times. I ran through the bathroom gathering everything needed and when five-thirty rolled around I was still rushing. I heard the door and yelled to Derek that I was almost done. I didn't realize he had come into the room until he slid his arms around my waist. He buried his head in my neck and kissed it sweetly.

"I need to tell you something." He said with an oh-so familiar tone.

"Great…" I said and turned in his arms.

"I may have invited Mark and Sarah to come with us." He said.

"You what?" I asked.

"Paige, I couldn't say no. I was talking about the weekend with Mark and then he gave me a bit of a guilt trip and I kind of invited them a long." He explained.

"So our romantic get away to the nice, quiet, isolated cabin is now going to be shared with friends. I'm not even that good a friend with Sarah. It's going to be weird now." I told him.

"Paige, it will be fine. I will make sure that everything is perfect. We will still have our romantic weekend.

"You better." I told him and kissed him. "I think I'm done."

"Good." He said kissing me again before he took my bags to the car.

* * *

I was excited to finally be on the road. The cabin was a perfect place. It was one thing that I loved about Derek. He was willing to go out into the middle of nowhere with me. He was a city boy and I a country girl. The only draw back was the nine hour drive, most of which had no town for miles and miles at a time.

"Are you sure you don't think you're rushing into this?" Meg's voice whined through the phone.

"I love him Meg, you know that."

"You're only twenty-one. What do you know of love yet?"

"You are too and I recall a very happy after graduation wedding. You two are perfect for each other, and Derek and I will be just fine."

"I know you think so." Meg told me.

"Listen, I will keep you updated on what's going on. Just be happy that I'm happy." There was silence. "Meg…?" I asked.

"Listen, Paige, there is something that I…"

"Paige…" Derek said walking up to me.

"Hold on." I told Meg. "What is it?" I asked him.

"It's starting to pour. We have to get going."

"Okay." I said and turned back to the phone. "Sorry Meg but I have to go."

"Call me." She told me.

"Promise." I said and hung up.

The rest of the drive was long but peaceful. When we finally got to the cabin the rain had stopped but it had left a beautiful fog over the lake. The tall pines rose high into the skies. I got out of the car and went to the edge of the water. I looked at the old tire swing from when I was a kid and the beach my father made after we bought the land. Derek took our things inside and we started to get comfortable. It was big enough for us and the company that we were going to be getting. Derek started a fire as I changed into something more comfortable and then took two beers from the fridge as Derek did the same. When he came back out he put his arms around me and led me to the couch in front of the fireplace. He sat down and I snuggled against his chest. I threw a throw over us and leaned into him.

Barely a half hour had passed before Mark and Sarah showed up. I groaned as Derek forced me up from the couch. We waited at the door for them to come in. Derek held the door open for them. When Mark had put their bags down he turned to me with a big grin on his face.

"Paige!" He beamed and picked me up, spinning me around before placing me back onto my feet.

"Mark!" I said and kissed his cheek.

"Derek thanks for letting us come this weekend." He said shaking hands.

"It's not a problem. What are friends for?" Derek smiled.

"Hi Sarah." I said, being polite.

"Paige." She smiled.

That was just the beginning of the awkward moments. While Derek and Mark talked about fishing and football, Sarah and I were left to come up with something of our own to say. I couldn't remember the last time I had had so many beers. I was trying to think of something to say, hoping that the alcohol would help loosen me up enough to have a decent conversation.

* * *

I threw a hard punch, followed by a round-kick.

"It's not that bad." Derek said as he blocked it.

We stood in a small open patch of wood not too far from the cabin. Even though it was supposed to be a relaxing weekend our daily workout was a part of that. I dropped and moved to take his legs out but he jumped and spun, grabbing me from behind as I stood.

"Not that bad?" I said and with a lot of effort pulled him over my shoulder, landing him on his back. "They are all lovey-dovey and…and it's just weird." I told him, taking his hand helping him to his feet.

"It's not that weird." Derek laughed at me.

"Yes it is. I hardly know her and it makes me uncomfortable." I replied, catching my breath.

"Come on, a few more rounds and then we should go back." He grinned at me.

"If you say so." I said and took my stance.

* * *

When we returned I tried my best to play it cool and comfortable. For the most part I was convinced that it had worked. I tried to stay close to Derek but, being a man, he and Mark went off at some point and did…whatever it was that they did. They left Sarah and me around the bonfire to twiddle our thumbs while they were gone. I was out of small talk conversations and she wasn't giving me anything to work with. It was horrible and Derek was going to hear about it later.

"Well, tonight was horrible." I told Derek as we got into bed. "One night down, one to go. But you have to help me out a little. It was terribly uncomfortable between us while you and Mark had a gay old time."

"I'll do better." He smiled and kissed me as he laid down on the bed. "Now go to sleep."

"Fine." I told him doing the same. I lay there only a few minutes before I felt the need to go on. "I still can't believe that you invited them." I told him.

"Paige…"

"I love Mark but Sarah is a little weird and I am just so uncomfortable with the situation."

"Paige…"

"It's just that –"

"Paige!"

"What?" I finally asked.

"Go to sleep. Don't be so serious all the time. It –"

"Takes the fun out of life." I finished for him.

He smiled and laughed a little, putting his hand on my cheek. "I'm tired and I promise that tomorrow will be better." He told me and kissed my forehead before he rolled over.

I sighed and did the same. Soon I was asleep and happy to be sleeping off the alcohol. When morning came the men were up before the women and were cooking a fantastic brunch. I walked out in my hoodie and sweats happy to be smelling bacon. I love bacon, only gave it up when I decided a diet was necessary. Even now I could afford to loose a few pounds. I picked at a piece that was nicely crisped and was enjoying simple conversation when Sarah came out. She was clearly not a morning person and to see her looking so evil was a site to see. I took a quick shower before settling down at the table to enjoy a feast of strawberry pancakes, bacon, and eggs. It was only after when I had realized that I had eaten far too much and felt like I needed to walk some of it off.

"I'm going to go for a walk." I told them as I pulled on some clothes.

"Be careful." Derek told me.

"Always." I grinned at him and kissed him sweetly.

I left the cabin and took a deep breath of the fresh air.

"Paige…!" Mark called from behind me.

I turned to see him running toward me. "What's up?" I asked him.

"Care for some company?" He smiled.

"I would love some company." I said returning it and putting my arm through his.

We walked until the sun was low before we turned back. It was a beautiful spring day and the nature was flourishing. Mark and I had lost track of the deer we had spotted and the twitter-patted birds were everywhere. It was a nice time for Mark and me to catch up. Since graduation a year ago friends were lost and lives were different. It was nice to know that we had happy lives. He was clearly happy with Sarah, which kept me from saying anything to derogatory about her. When we got back to the cabin the sun was still out but was diminished. I gently elbowed Mark and walked over to the tire swing. I put my legs through the hole and he started to push me. It was nice to have the wind blow through my hair as the sun set. Mark scared the shit out of me when he grabbed the rope, making it jerk and then jumping on top of the tire. I laughed at him as we swung back and forth. I heard the screen door slam and soon heard Derek's voice.

"Hey Mark, why don't you let me spend a little time with my girl? You should go spend some time with your own." He said.

Mark jumped to the ground and hit Derek's shoulder as he passed him by. I looked over my shoulder as the swing slowed. Derek took my waist and stopped me completely. He put his face in my hair and kissed my neck. We stayed that way for what seemed like hours but was only minutes. I turned my head and kissed him deeply. He kissed me again. I put my hand on the back of his head, kissing him hard, only to have the screen door slam and footsteps heard approaching. I put my forehead against Derek's and sighed. I leaned away from him to see Sarah walking over to us.

"Hey." I said kindly.

"Hey, Mark and I were thinking about getting some dinner started. What did you guys think we should have tonight?" Sarah asked sweetly.

I looked at Derek. "I think we should have fish." I told her. "The sun isn't down quite yet. I bet we could catch something."

"I like that idea." Derek said and kissed me. I ran my fingers through his short blond hair. "Tell Mark that we'll be back as soon as we can." Derek told Sarah.

"Okay." Sarah smiled and went back toward the cabin.

"Let's go." Derek said and took my waist, pulling me out of the tire.

I laughed before we went to the little shed where we kept the polls. I got the boat set up while Derek dug up a few worms from the ground. When he came to the boat his hands were brown with soil but he swung the worms in my face. I just laughed and started to pull the boat away from the dock.

"It's quiet out here." I told him as we sat in the middle of the lake.

"It is, but I like it that way." He told me, leaning back in his chair.

"This weekend isn't turning out too bad." I told him.

"No, it's not. Though I regret inviting them." He confessed.

"Really?" I grinned at him.

"Really." He grinned back. "I had a plan and that kind of went out the window when I invited them."

"What plan was that?" I asked him. _Tell me what I want to here._

"I'm not telling you. You probably already know and I am not going to ruin anything by saying what I was going to do. I might try again so I'm not going to say a word." He said and leaned toward me.

"I'll still be surprised no matter when you do it." I grinned leaned toward him.

"So you know what I'm talking about." He grinned.

"I have an idea and I have to say that I was very much looking forward to it." I said moving closer to him.

"Soon baby." He said and kissed me.

I rested my pole over my lap as I kissed him. Happy to have been right even though I would go to work without a ring on my finger. I leaned into him and was getting into it when my pole was nearly pulled from my hand. I pulled away from Derek quickly and grabbed the pole. I burst out laughing as I fought the line trying to reel the fish in. Derek grabbed the pole behind me holding it so I could reel it in. When I finally got it to the boat Derek netted the fish and brought it up into the boat.

"Nice going Paige!" He grinned.

I uncovered the fish from the net and looked down at a hefty Northern Pike. It was a beautiful fish. I stroked the fish, happy with the catch. I started to laugh and looked at Derek. He kissed me hard before putting the fish in the live well. We stayed out only a little while longer seeing what else we could catch. We ended up going back with the northern and a small walleye. The northern alone was enough for the four of us but the walleye was a nice addition.

"We were successful!" I said as we got back to the cabin. Mark and Sarah came out to see the large northern in my hands.

"Jesus Paige! Did you catch that?" Mark asked.

"I can fish just find thanks." I grinned at him.

"It's beautiful." Sarah said but stayed away from the flopping fish.

"My camera is in my room on the nightstand. Get it and take a picture. Derek caught one too." I told Mark.

He nodded and went into the cabin and did as he was told. We took a few pictures of the northern and then with Derek and his little walleye. The last picture we took was of Derek and me proudly holding up our prizes. When I was satisfied Derek and I took the fish to the fish house and butchered them up. The northern proved to be very meaty and there was enough meat for at least two or three meals.

Derek breaded some of the fish and cooked it on the grill, using lemon and spices to added flavor to the meat. It proved a better cook than I usually gave him credit for. The fish was delicious. I ate more fish than I ever remembered doing before. When the food was put away the men went to start a fire in the fire pit, leaving us woman to clean up the kitchen.

"That was one of the best meal's I've had in a while." I told Sarah as I washed the dishes.

"It's was good." She agreed. "I'm not very fond of fish but Derek cooked it perfectly."

"Yes he did. I think I'll keep him around for a while." I grinned. "In truth I'm not the fondest of fish either but when I'm here I like to eat it. My dad used to catch enough fish that that was all we ate while we were here. He was an excellent cook and his fish was delicious. I guess I like to eat it in memory of him." I told her.

"Mark told me he died. I'm sorry." Sarah told me.

"It's all right." I told her. "It was a long time ago. I was only seven when it happened and I've come to terms with it. He was a wonderful man." I said and paused. "I hate my stepfather…but that is a story too long to be told this weekend." I told her and smiled.

We talked for a while and it shed a new light on the way I thought about her. Sarah wasn't anything I had made her out to be. Making me happy that I talked to her. It made me feel better about her being with Mark and made me feel that I could trust her and feel comfortable about what was left of the weekend and possibly other trips in the future.

"There you are." Derek smiled as Sarah and I joined them.

"The kitchen is clean." I smiled and kissed him.

"Thank you." He said softly.

"Hey, you did the cooking I do the cleaning." I told him and kissed him again.

"I brought supplies for smors!" Mark said and pulled a plastic bag out from behind one of the benches. I laughed at him and took a seat, getting out the marshmallows.

We sat around the fire until it stopped keeping us warm from the night air. We all moved inside and opened a bottle of wine as we sat around the fireplace. It was a beautiful night and the stars were bright. I watched them from the chair by the window as we all talked. The moon was full and it streamed through the window.

It was late by the time we went to bed and it was wonderful to put my head on a pillow after a few glasses of wine and talk. I was lying on my side and Derek laid on his, facing me.

"Did you have fun tonight?" He whispered.

My eyes were closed. "Mm-hm." I said and cracked them, looking at him.

"That's good." He said and brushed the hair from my face.

"Did you?" I asked, putting my hand on his chest.

"I did. It was a lot of fun." He replied. "I love you." He said and kissed me tenderly.

"I love you too." I said and kissed him again. I put our foreheads together and fell asleep to Derek gently rubbing my back.

In the morning we all packed up, making sure we had everything. None of us planned on leaving for several hours yet but being packed made us feel like we could be lazy for a little while longer.

Derek and I decided to go for a hike through the woods before we headed out. There were beautiful trails that lead to a creek not too far from the cabin. We took the one that followed the lake a ways before it turned into the woods and lead to the creek. Derek and I had hiked these woods before and the lazy feeling of the morning sun was welcoming.

The woods were beautiful and we saw several deer as we weaved through the trees. Derek held tight to my hand most of the way. Only letting go to climb steep hills or small rock formations. He played sweet games with me as we walked. I had never been happier. Being with Derek was like being with a best friend only we had sex from time to time. He made me whole after I moved out from my mom's house at fifteen. He had always been there for me and I knew that he would always be there for me, no matter what.

"We're here." He smiled as we stood on a large rock that sat by the creek.

"We are." I said and sat down.

Derek sat behind me, putting a leg on each side of me. I leaned back as he wrapped his arm around my waist. His lips found my neck and I laughed as he gently caressed it. He kissed my hair as we looked out over the moving water.

We took a different route back to the cabin that led us to a very secluded spot of the wood. I didn't remember taking this way before but the trail still weaved through the woods, giving us the impression it would take us back to the cabin.

We hadn't gone too far when there was heavy cracking in the woods. I jumped and Derek pulled me against him. I laughed but Derek gave me a concerned look. I didn't say anything but took his hand, pulling him down the trail. We soon forgot about it and resumed a relaxed feel. It wasn't until the crack was louder and closer that I started to get nervous. Only this time Derek tried to put a little humor into it. I thought I was just being paranoid. Derek didn't seem concerned anymore and twigs snapped in woods. It was a common occurrence. It was only when the snapped was almost directly behind us that we turned around and saw a huge black bear moving through the trees. I gasped and grabbed Derek. Bear's were just as common as anything else in these woods but they weren't usually known to follow people. Derek rushed us down the trail trying to stay calm but get as far away from the bear as possible. It didn't work. Something about us attracted the bear and it started to move at us faster. Derek took my hand and we started to run down the trail, trying not to trip. The bear was still behind us as we swerved through the trees, running toward any part of them that looked thick enough to slow the bear down. We saw heavy brush ahead; Derek pulled me toward it, pushed me through first. Adrenaline was pumping through me, I moved as fast as I could and Derek was directly behind me. We had barely cleared the brush when the ground gave way and we tumbled down a large hill, the brush scraping us as our bodies broke thin trees on the way down. We landed with a heavy thud at the bottom of the hill. Derek moved over to me, putting his arm around my waist, we had barely started to get up when there was a circle of trees and all of a sudden there was a flash of lighting and a blinding white light before the feeling of falling.


	2. First Battle

_**A/N: Here's chapter two. Second verse same as the first. Tell me what you think about it, if it works or not. I REALLY REALLY APPRECIATE IT!!! THANKS!!!!!**_

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_**Chapter Two: First Battle**_

When the light faded it was just greenery and sky that I saw before I hit a sloped bank and fell into a small river. Derek was right behind me, hitting me as he too fell into the river. I fought to keep my balance but ended up back in the water. Derek helped me up and I looked at him concerned but smiled, we had escaped the bear. Neither of us panicked right away but then we heard war like cries from the woods. I turned to see men running from them. I stammered up the opposite bank, with Derek right behind me, and watched them appear like shadows. They were filthy, some with blue painted skin. At first I thought they were going to help us but then one took a swing at me with an axe.

"What the hell?" I said and dodged another attack.

"Paige run!" Derek yelled grabbing the man and throwing him back.

The man kept coming at me. I grabbed his arm as he tried to slash at me and managed to redirect his blow to the ground. He turned on me again, quickly and clipped my arm with the edge of the blade. He came at me again and I dove past him, rolling and jumping to my feet again. I had enough time to see a caravan under attack before a different man grabbed me from behind. I didn't know where Derek was and panic started to seep into me. The man with the axe came after me again. When he was close enough I bent my knees and kicked the man back, sending the one who held me to the ground, freeing me from his grasp. An arrow whizzed by my head as I bent to grab an abandoned knife on the ground. As I whipped around I narrowly missed the axe and I plunged the knife into the man's abdomen at an upward slant. He stood only a moment more before falling to the ground. I ran a short distance from the water, not wanting to end up back in it. I saw Derek a few yards away from me in a fight of his own. I started to run toward him. I had no idea what was going on but the adrenaline in my system wasn't letting me stop to take any of it in. I didn't make it to him before another blue man lunged at me with a sword. I shuffled backward away from the blade. When he made for a killing blow, at the last possible moment I sidestepped and plunged the knife deep into the man's side. The man hadn't fallen before a sharp pain shot in my side. A spear had grazed me deep. I pushed the spear away and turned, this time my knife met the man in the neck. I watched the blood pulse out of his neck before he fell. Without him in front of me I could see several horsemen making their way toward the battle that had broken out. I put my hand to my side to try and hold in the blood, looking for Derek. I was grabbed from behind again and this time I could not break free from the hold. The man grabbed the knife from my hand before I could use it, holding it to my throat. I struggled but another man stepped up to me with an axe in his hand. He came very close and I could hear him breathing in my scent. I made one final effort and I kneed him in the groin. He doubled in pain and that's when I felt the knife on my neck start to cut in and the man on the ground swung his axe grazing me lightly, leaving a shallow cut from my hip to my ribs. He stood and was going to end me when there was a slicing sound and the man in front of me fell. Derek stood in front of me now and thrust the knife he was holding through the man's eye. I was let free and I threw my arms around Derek.

"Are you all right?" He asked concerned.

I nodded. "I think so but a spear got my side." I said and he looked at it.

"It's deep baby. We need to get out of here." He told me.

"How?" I asked.

He kissed me. "Just stay with me okay? Everything is going to be okay."

"Okay." I said and kissed him again. "I love you."

"I love you too." He smiled sweetly.

He turned around to run, me nearly against him when he suddenly stopped with a jerk, making me run into him. I heard him groan and a sharp pain hit me, a few inches in from my unwounded side. I took a step back and saw the tip of a sword pull out of me. I looked at Derek. The sword had gone threw him. A blue devil standing in front of him.

"DEREK!" I screamed and grabbed him.

The sword was pulled from him and he fell backward, into my arms. I lowered him to the ground and cradled him in my arms. I let him go momentarily to grab an arrow lying on the ground. I rushed the man and pushed it through the man's neck using as much force as possible. When the man fell I turned back to Derek and lifted him into my arms.

"Derek…" I said and put my hand over his wound. I could feel warm fluid falling over my knees as I knelt with him in my arms. "Oh God." I said and looked at his face. "You're going to be okay, you're strong, and you're going to be okay." I said and started to bawl.

"Paige…" He said and put his hand on my cheek. "I love you…so much." He said.

"Baby, I love you too." I said putting my hand on his cheek, kissing him deeply. "Don't die on me. Please don't die." I cried.

He smiled at me and coughed, blood gracing his lips. He laughed a little and for just a moment I was angry at him, then pain and fear rushed through me. What could possibly be funny in a moment like this?

"I was going to make you my wife." He told me still smiling. "I guess that won't happen anymore." He said and coughed again, more blood coming up.

"Don't say that." I frowned at him. "Of course it's going to happen. I've been waiting for a long time to hear those words and I'm not going to let you die." I told him.

"I'm sorry love, you don't have a choice." He said calmly. I cried harder and put my forehead against his. "Kiss me." He whispered.

I kissed him passionately taking him in. Holding on to every touch and feeling. He was gone before my lips left his. His body relaxed, his head resting against my chest. I lost all control I had and started to bawl into him, holding him tight against me. Not wanting to believe that he was gone.

I was brought back to my senses as I was hit hard, sending me to the ground. I was then grabbed and thrown. I turned to see another man with blue painted skin come at me with a spear. There was a swooshing sound and the man fell inches from reaching me. I made to crawl back to Derek's body but I was stopped as a horse flew past me. I moved backward again and took a look around me, my mind blurring everything I saw. My blood loss was now noticeable and I was starting to feel the effects. I closed my eyes for a moment before opening them and taking another look around. The horsemen were among us. I stood up and ran toward Derek but was stopped as hooves came closer and I felt a strong arm around my waist and I was lifted from the ground into the saddle of the man who had grabbed me.

"No!" I yelled struggling against the man. "Derek!" I yelled and tried to free myself from the saddle. The man held me tight and my strength was waning.

The long slash across my body bled harder from being lifted and I already could feel my body start to weaken further. Everything started to spin. I closed my eyes and tried to stay in control, trying to stay conscious. I managed to gather enough strength to push myself from the saddle, tumbling to the ground, rolling a few feet before stopping. Pain seared through my body as I got to my feet. My ankle had twisted the pain excruciating as I turned in a circle. I saw Derek and made my way to him. I fell next to him again and touched his face. The last thing I remembered was looking up into the face of a man on horseback as he leaned down to grab me. Right before I passed out I saw a braid hanging down before my world went black.


	3. A New Place

_**A/N: Third verse same as the first. Chapter three, tell me if it's better and if it works. Don't be shy! PLEASE, PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!**_

_**And this is all I have so far of the revised portion. Hopefully I can get the next chapter up soon. I'm working on it.**_

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_**Chapter Three: A New Place**_

I came in and out of consciousness. First there were only blurred voices. I couldn't understand what they were saying. Then there were breaks in the darkness, fragments of light as my eyes tried to open. I heard a horse nicker and a bouncing sensation as the animal moved. Darkness came over me again, my mind drifting back to my memories.

Derek's face kept running across my eyes. He was there and then he'd disappear again. He'd say something I couldn't hear and I'd run after him trying to get him to stop and tell me again, but he never did. First there were the memories of lying in bed together. Kissing and singing in the shower before going to work. The way he ran his fingers through my hair, the way he kissed my neck while I washed the dishes. Soon the good memories faded and his death flooded my senses, the images of blood, his closed eyes, his still chest. I felt panicked. I couldn't escape wherever I was and I was drowning in the constant reminder that Derek would not be with me anymore.

When my eyes finally cracked open there were trees above me and voices around me. I was lying on the ground on my back. I tried to lift my head only to have it throb. I put my hand to it, my arm feeling like a ton of bricks. I couldn't hold it up long before it fell back to the ground. A hand appeared and gently caressed my face.

"Shhh, it's alright." The male voice said softly.

I panicked at the site of a bald man, muscular, dressed in old clothes, things you never saw anymore. My mind was reeling, taking in as much as I could. He wasn't the only one around me. There were others' dressed in the same way. Most had sheathed swords visible, my panic grew. As adrenaline started to pump through me, my fear kept rising. I managed to roll to my feet, stumbling away from the man, running into the woods as fast as I could. There were voices around me but all I could hear was my own breathing. I was disoriented, pain rushing through my body with every step. My legs gave out and I fell. I pulled myself up and grasped my painful side. I fell again, leaving red on the ground as I pushed myself up again. I had not gone far when there were arms around my waist.

"Let me go!" I screamed, fighting the man. "Please let me go!"

The arms wouldn't let up. They turned me and I saw more men standing in front of me. I screamed for him to release me but to no avail. He started to bring me back to their camp. I didn't know what would happen, but my strength was waning and I lost consciousness again before we made it back.

* * *

When I woke up again I was in the saddle making our way toward a wall in the distance. There was an arm across my stomach, holding me only hard enough to keep me steady. My eyes felt heavy and my body ached but I tried to stay awake. I turned my head to see men on horseback, all around me. They all a certain look of relief, they were joking and laughing. I tried to lean forward but pain seared through my side. I yelled in pain, getting the attention from everyone around me.

"She finally wakes." A man with dark curly hair smirked at me.

I put my hand to my head and groaned. Tears filled my eyes. I closed them and Derek's face appeared in front of me. I started to cry and the men around me looked at me with concern and sorrow. I cried for only a minute or so before the fear and anger started to take over me again. I tried to throw myself from the horse but strong arms grasped me again. I thrashed around and in the end I fell from the horse, along with the man who was holding me. We hit the ground hard. I rolled from his arms. I tried to stand but my legs would not support me. I was on my stomach and I tried to lift myself up but it was no use. The man who I had been sharing a saddle with was the bald man I saw before. He had a cut on his face that was bleeding freely. I supported myself on one forearm and I looked up at him. I was terrified. My body was shaking. I was certain that he was going to punish me for making him fall. He was breathing heavily as he stood before me. The others' had stopped and turned back to us. His horse stood near its owner.

"Please…" I said as tears started to fill my eyes. "Please don't hurt me."

"Why would I hurt you?" The man asked, frowning down at me. I didn't say anything. "I'm trying to help you but you keep reopening your wounds." He said and pointed at my side. "If you'd just try and calm down you'd start to feel better and see that we are not going to harm you." He told me, his eyes softening.

"Please don't hurt me." I repeated.

He knelt next to me. My body shook, unsure what he was going to do. He slowly put his hand out toward me. Out of fear I froze, watching his hand come closer to my face. I closed my eyes and waited for whatever it was that he was going to do. Tears spilled from my eyes. I felt his hand touch my cheek and his thumb wipe away the tears. I opened my eyes and looked up at him, my body still shaking.

"Come on." He said and took my arms.

I yelled in pain as he pulled me to my feet. I had to lean against him in order to stay upright as he put one arm around my waist, pulling my legs out from under me with the other. He held me in his arms for a moment before turning to the men. He walked back to his horse and gently put me into the saddle. I put my hands on the horse's neck to steady myself. He quickly mounted behind me and his arm went around my waist.

"Be still if you can. We're almost there." He said and moved the horse forward toward the wall again. The others' followed his lead.

The men continued to talk as if nothing was wrong. As if me being there was something normal and was taken lightly. I tried listening, hoping that I'd hear them talking about what they were going to do with me. My head was pounding and for most of the journey that was all I could hear. The pain my body felt became a pulse that I got used to as the wall grew near.

When we finally reached the wall the men were welcomed with open arms. Everyone was happy to see them back, everyone stopping their work to watch them ride in, everyone's eyes on me when they noticed I was there. I watched them just as closely, noticing all the women in dresses, watching the children as the men worked in the fields. My head bounced against the man's chest as I fought to stay awake. The man was holding a cloth to my side, trying to stop the bleeding. The blood loss was becoming too much. I could feel my body start to shut down as the pain started to cease and there was only a blur of colors and mumbled voices.

When the horse's finally stopped I was barely conscious. I had never felt anything like this before. There was so much going on in my head but I couldn't keep one thought long enough to process it. I felt the man dismount behind me before taking me from the saddle. He was carrying me somewhere. I passed out again before we reached his destination.

* * *

I woke to voices coming from somewhere nearby. It felt like I was on a bed. I opened my eyes to see a stone ceiling above me. The voices were hushed but clear.

"Will she recover?" A male voice calmly asked.

"If her body can fight off any infection and if she can survive the blood loss." A woman's voice replied. "I have done everything I can."

"She's been sleeping for hours." The male voice told her.

"It would not surprise me if she slept for days. Give her time and she may recover." She replied and paused. "It's been said that there was another that was with her. Is that true?"

"There was a man with her." He replied. "He didn't survive the battle."

"Did you leave him?" The woman asked.

"Yes."

"She may be more broken then I thought." The woman told him.

"Where do you think she came from? We having nothing here like the clothes she was wearing or her scent. We know nothing about her. Perhaps we should have left her."

"She fought with you that says something. As for where she came from…I have no idea." She replied.

It was the same bald man who I had ridden with, talking to an older woman. She wore an apron with blood all over it. In her hands she held a spool of string with a needle sticking out of it. On the nightstand there was a bowl of water that had turned red with the bloody rags that sat soaking inside of it. I tried to turn onto my side but the pain had returned in full force. I was shaking and when I put a hand to my head as it started to pound it was wet with sweat. The man walked over and sat on the edge of the bed.

"Be still, you've just been sown up. You need to rest." He said gently but forcefully.

"Where am I?" I asked.

"You're in Rome." The man said, his eyebrows furrowing.

"Rome!" I exclaimed. My throat tightened up. "How the hell did I get to Rome? Where's Derek?" I asked. "I need him where is he?" I said turning to the man.

"I don't know who –"

"The man I was with!" I yelled, interrupting him.

He sighed. "He's dead, left in the field."

"No, no, no. He's not dead." I told him angrily. "He can't be dead!" I said and pushed myself up. The man reached for me. "Don't touch me!" I yelled and fell off the bed in the process. He went to come around the bed. "Get away from me!" I yelled and backed up until I couldn't anymore. I found myself in a corner of the room. "Don't touch me. Just go away." I said as the man followed me. "Go away!" I screamed.

"Dagonet…" The woman said rushing over. He had bent down but she pulled him back. "Dagonet, leave her be. She is in no condition to be forced into conversation."

"She'll open her wounds again."

"I'll watch over her from afar. Right now she needs to be left alone." The woman told him. He didn't move. "Dag, go tell Arthur what's happened."

He looked back at me before leaving the room. The woman looked at me before walking to the other side of the room, tending to the bowl and the cloths. I was relieved to be left alone as my grief started to take over. Tears filled my eyes as the man's words rang in my head. 'He's dead, left in the field.' The tears came hot and fast. I sat there and cried until my throat was hoarse and my eyes stung. I curled up in that corner and rocked back and forth. When the tears finally stopped I stayed where I was and closed my eyes, hoping that when I opened them all of this would melt away and Derek and I would be in the woods again, even though I knew it wouldn't. I was lonely and afraid of what was going to happen to me. Periodically the man called Dagonet would come and watch me. He would try and touch me only to send me into fits I couldn't seem to control. My fear was running my body, my mind fragmented from my grief and the thought of being kept a prisoner in this strange place. Not seeing my family and friends again. Having to tell Derek's parents that he was killed, knowing that they wouldn't believe me when I tell them how. No one would believe any of this. This was all a dream, a horrible dream that I would wake up from any second.

A day went by, then two. I never moved from that spot. I stayed against the wall sitting in my own waste. If I had seen myself I never would have believed that I would ever been in such condition. Dagonet came and went, others would come with him but they would just sit and watch me as I shook from a fever, blood loss, and lack of nourishment. I was disappearing and that was all I wanted to do. The only thing that filled my mind was Derek. I couldn't accept that he was gone. Knowing that he was left in some field to rot, the thought made me sick and more tears would come. Occasionally they would try to touch me but I wouldn't allow it. I wanted to be alone. I felt like a wounded animal that yearned to find a dark hole to crawl into and die.

"We've waited long enough." One man said as they sat and watched over me, he made his way toward me.

"Tristan…" One of the men said.

Dagonet's face hardened but he didn't do anything to stop the man.

"Don't touch me." I whispered. He didn't listen to me and took hold of my arm. "Don't touch me!" I yelled at him. I tried to hit him but I was too weak and he grabbed my arm.

"You've grieved enough." He said and pulled me to my feet.

"No! Don't! Please!" I said putting all my weight behind me in an effort to get loose from his grip.

"Tell the maid to get warm bath water ready." The man named Tristan told the others. "Gawain now!" He said and the man who had first said his name left the room.

I continued to try and pull away from him, screaming for him to let me go. When the water was brought I was thrown into it before I had time to react. When I resurfaced I looked around me, the men all staring at me. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.

"You're filthy." Tristan told me. "Clean up."

I just looked at him. I didn't move. I wasn't sure what he wanted to accomplish but it did open my eyes. I stood up and faced them. My stage of grief had shifted from sorrow to anger. I got out of the tub and paced behind it, breathing fast. I looked back at them.

"What the fuck are you looking at?" I screamed them, tipping the tub over, the water spilling out over their legs, a few yelled, some just stood there. "Get the hell out!" I yelled. "Why are you still looking at me?" I yelled. "You son of a bitch!" I yelled and walked up to Tristan, slapping him across the face. "You left him there!" I yelled and pushed him. "You left him there without a moment's pause to ask yourself if you should. Why the hell did you save me? I saw you. You grabbed me. Why?" I asked him.

"He was dead. Why would we bring him?" He asked me calmly.

"Bastard!" I screamed and lunged at him.

My waist was grabbed and I was held back. "This will not help you, or him." A calm voice told me. His mouth against my ear. I stopped trying to free myself and turned my head to see Dagonet. He let me go and I just stood there.

"You opened your wound again." Tristan pointed out even though he wasn't even looking at me.

"Stitches aren't supposed to get wet. Such movement is frowned on as well." I told him, crossing my arms. The most calm I've been in days.

"I'll fetch Faith." Gawain told us. "Galahad, come with me." He said to the youngest of the men.

"Let me take a look." Dagonet told me.

"It's fine." I said and took a few steps away from him.

"You're a stubborn one aren't you?" Dagonet smiled. "I'm Dag and this is Tristan."

"I know. I heard your names earlier." I replied and took a few steps further away from them and the others.

"This is Lancelot." Dag said and pointed to the cocky looking man with dark curly hair. "The bald one is Bors. The other two are –"

"Gawain and Galahad. I have ears." I snapped at him.

"The only one left than is Arthur." Dag told me with a slight edge in his voice.

"Arthur? By the looks of you I'd say it would be none other than the leader of the legendary Sarmatian Knights'" I said and started to laugh. It wasn't funny but at the moment I couldn't cry so laughing came next.

"That is us, but what do you mean legendary?" Lancelot asked.

"What?" I said and stopped, looking at them all in turn. "It was a joke. I don't know who the hell you people are. The only thing I'm concerned about is getting the hell out of here." I told them and made my way to the door.

I opened it as fast as I could only to come face to face with an elderly woman. "Hello." She smiled sweetly. "And who might you be?" She asked.

"That is none of your damn business. If you'd please get out of my way, I was attempting to leave this godforsaken place." I told her.

"You have blood running from your side. How far did you think you were going to get?" She said calmly, still smiling.

I looked down at my side and knew she was right but I didn't care. "They left him behind. I'd rather die than stay here." I told her.

"Than, please, be on your way." She said and stepped aside.

I was shocked that she moved but seized the moment and rushed past her. There were raised voices in the room but no one came after me. I was in a stone corridor. The ceiling was tall and there were candle holders mounted on the walls with lit candles sitting in them. I glanced over my shoulder and still no one was pursuing me. I turned a corner only to be stopped by another man. He was tall, with dark brown hair. He had a red cape on that at any other time would have seemed humorous, only now it was more of a symbol of authority. I took a few steps back from him and eyed him closely.

I sighed. "Arthur, right?" I asked him, rubbing my brow.

"I am." He replied. "And who might you be?" He asked. I looked up at him but said nothing. "Running away?" He asked.

By his words my reason for leaving caused the calmness I had before to leave. I started to shake and my jaw tightened. "Those things killed Derek and I am not going to leave him to rote in some field." I told him, my anger bubbling again.

"I am sorry for your loss but what would your death bring?" He asked.

"My own peace." I told him. "You have no idea what he meant to me." I told him. "Why am I here?" I asked him, tears in my eyes again.

"You know as much as I, if not a little more. We are all in the dark. Come back to the room and let Faith look at you. She will re-stitch your wound. We can talk." He told me.

"I don't want to talk." I snapped at him. "I want to go back to that field and find him, bury him and say goodbye. Let me pass."

"No." He said and took my arm.

His grip was firm and for once I didn't have it in me to fight. He led me back to the room and the men were surprised to see me with Arthur.

"Caught the little brat did ya?" Bors grinned at him.

"She didn't put up much of a fight." He told them.

"You are lucky then." Dag smiled at him, and then looked at me. I averted my eyes.

"Faith, come take a look at her." Arthur told the old woman.

"Come with me dear." She said and took my wrist. She led me to the bed. "Sit down please."

I did as she asked and soon the needle and thread were out and I was to endure the pain of the sutures. The pain was going to be excruciating, every time she touched my skin with the needle I would move away from it. Soon Dagonet sat next to me and held me in place. My painful yells didn't seem to touch the men as they watched her work.

When she was done I was so drained that I couldn't bring myself to get back off of the bed. I was lying across Dag's lap. He was stroking my hair. It was longer falling past my shoulders and was layered in a choppy fashion. His fingers slid through my hair and with my eyes closed it felt like Derek was right there with me. I was shaking from the pain and felt like I was going to vomit. His hand moved from my hair down the side of my body and then to my back where he gently rubbed.

"Tristan, go get her something to drink." Faith told him. I opened my eyes as he was giving Faith a look that clearly said he didn't want to but he left the room and came back with a glass of cold water. "Sit her up Dag." She told him.

Dag did as he was told. I leaned against him as I tried to control my shaking. Tristan knelt in front of me and handed me the glass. I couldn't grip it and nearly dropped it, spilling half of it onto Tristan. Dagonet moved to take the glass from him but he moved it away from him. I looked from Dagonet to Tristan. Tristan held the glass up to my lips and slowly tipped it so it poured into my mouth. I choked down the first swallow but after that it went down nicely and felt so good that I wished I could just guzzle it.

"Thank you." I told Tristan.

"You're welcome." He replied gently.

I looked into his eyes and he looked into mine. Something passed between us but quickly disappeared when Faith interrupted.

"She needs her rest. I have to ask you all to leave." Faith told them.

"Someone will have to keep watch." Arthur told her.

"Why?" I asked him.

"So you don't runaway again." He told me calmly.

"If I really wanted to go there would be no stopping me." I told him coldly.

"Lay down." Faith told me gently, putting her hands on my shoulders.

"I don't want to lie down." I told her just below a yell and pushed her hands off of me.

"I've had enough." Tristan told me as he pulled a dagger and placed it at my throat.

"Going to kill me?" I frowned at him, crossing my arms.

"Get into bed." Tristan told me.

"No." I told him, slightly tipping my head to the side, my eyes never leaving his.

I saw a fire in Tristan's eyes grow as his temper began to flare. I narrowed my eyes and was about to say something when I was grabbed. It sent me into defensive mode and I quickly tried to loosen the grip on me.

"Tristan!" I heard Arthur yell.

"Stop struggling!" Dagonet told me as I tried to free myself.

"Let me go!" I told him.

He released me and I fell to the ground. I saw Gawain start to bend to help me but he stopped as I glared at him.

"Why do you keep fighting me?" Dag asked me angrily.

"Why do you keep trying to help me?" I asked him.

"Because you need help." He told me.

"I didn't ask for it nor do I intend on staying here. Just let me go." I told him, my expression softening. "I need to find Derek." I told him.

"He's dead!" Dagonet yelled and grabbed my arm, pulling me to my feet. "Face it and move on."

"DON'T!" I yelled at him. "Don't you talk about him like that. You don't know him and you don't know me. I _will _find him and I _will _bury him. No matter what I find." I told him and went to walk around him.

"Let her go." Gawain told them.

"What?" Dagonet asked him.

"She isn't going to cooperate and there is no need to keep her here." He replied.

"Thank you." I told him. He nodded at me.

There was a long pause. Tension building up. All eyes were on me and the only thing I could see was the door and my longing to escape this place.

"Just let me go." I whispered.

There was another long pause.

"Germanous is waiting for us. We must go." Arthur told them all. "Your freedom is awaiting you."

"And what about her?" Lancelot asked.

"Faith…" Arthur said turning to the old woman. "Change her clothes. She'll be far too noticeable in what she's wearing. We'll take her with us."

"What?" I asked with tears in my eyes. "Why can't you just let me go?"

"You do not know the first thing about this land. You wouldn't make it through the night." Arthur told me. He left and the rest of the men followed. Dagonet paused at the door and frowned at me before leaving, closing the door behind him.


	4. Dashed Hopes

_**A/N: Forth verse same as the first. It took longer than I had hoped but here is the fourth chapter revised. I've had no reviews about the new version so I hope it's improved to everyone's liking. So enjoy and the next chapter shouldn't be too far behind this one.**_

_**

* * *

**__**Chapter Four: Dashed Hopes**_

I stood in the room facing the door knowing that I wouldn't be allowed to leave. I sighed and looked at Faith. She simply smiled at me. Soon there was a knock on the door and a young woman entered. She must have been in her teens and she handed Faith a stack of folded clothes with a pair of shoes sitting on top.

"I'm not wearing that." I told her. "Just let me leave."

"It is not up to me." She told me.

I laughed and started to pace the room. "This is ridiculous. This is so _fucking _ridiculous!" I yelled at her. "Why is it so hard to understand that I have to go. I don't give a shit if I make it through the night or not. These men are keeping me here against my will. It's against the law." I told her.

Faith still smiled but it was clear that she didn't understand what I was trying to say. The law was much different here. I wasn't even sure if she knew what the word meant.

"Please, put these on. If you need help just say." Faith said softly and handed me the clothes. I just stared at her and she pointed to a divider.

"Fine." I told her knowing that fighting further wasn't going to get me anywhere. "I don't believe this." I told myself as I unfolded the lavender dress. "I'm still a mess; can you get me a cloth and water?" I asked Faith. My anger made me not want to care but even I couldn't stand being as dirty as I was.

She ordered the girl to fetch some water and when she came back I cleaned myself up as best I could. When I was done there was, shockingly, a mirror in the corner and I looked at myself, wanting to cry again. I pulled myself back together and then picked up the dress again. I slipped into it and looked down at the floor length dress. It was soft and was more comfortable than I was willing to admit. I took my hair down. It was slightly knotted and I ran my fingers through it. I was trying to stay calm. My head was pounding so I left it down hoping it would cause the pounding to stop. It came low in the front but the back was high and needed to be tied. The front accentuated my bust making me feel insecure. I couldn't reach behind me to tie the back. I would have to force myself to ask for help with it. The sleeves were tight until the elbow and then widened considerably that nearly covered my hands. If this had been prom I would have loved it but tonight…it was the dress from hell.

I put the shoes on and they made me feel short and far too feminine. I felt exposed and was terrified to have to go face the men again. I knew women wore things like this but this was not me. This was so far from being me that tears filled my eyes again. So many things were going to my head. The only way I could think of to feel better was to cry but I couldn't in front of these people. For a moment, as I looked at myself, I could picture Derek in my mind. Smiling at me, telling me how beautiful I looked. The moment passed quickly and I wiped my eyes trying to build my anger back up to go face the people who were keeping me here. I walked around the divider and looked at them. Their faces softened and I must have looked like one of them now.

"I couldn't tie the back." I told them.

The young girl quickly walked behind me and tied it up for me. The pressure of the dress being fitted around my sides caused the pain from my wounds to flare and I had to hold my breath as she finished.

"Thank you." I told her.

"One of the knights' will be returning shortly to escort you." Faith told me.

"I don't have much of a choice do I?" I asked, my anger rising to the surface. I was a prisoner in this foreign land.

Soon there was a knock on the door and Faith told them to enter. Dagonet appeared his face hard. He looked at Faith and the young girl first. I was pacing the far wall. I had stopped and looked at him. When he looked at me his face softened and a small smile graced his face. I frowned at him and shook my head, disgusted that he was taking any pleasure at all in my appearance.

"We must go." Dagonet told me.

"I won't go anywhere with you." I told him angrily.

"I am afraid that you have no choice. Arthur wishes you there and I am here to bring you." He told me.

"No." I told him.

He walked over to me. I stood my ground and when he reached for me I threw a punch at him. He blocked it and grabbed my wrist. "Come with me." He told me and started for the door.

"No!" I told him and fought against him.

He grabbed my arms and bent so he was eyelevel with me. "Please, do not fight me on this. I have no intention of hurting you and will stop anyone from causing you harm. Come with me now." He said looking me in the eyes. "Please…" He added softly.

I looked him in his eyes and knew that he was not lying to me. I sighed and put my hands on his arms. "Fine." I told him.

"Thank you." Dagonet told me and took my hand.

I sighed and followed him. I stopped in front of Faith and Dagonet let go of my hand. "Well…" I said and swung my arms slightly. "I know I've been a pain in the ass but hopefully I won't need your services any longer." I told her. "But…" I said and paused. "Thank you for what you have done for me."

"Come…" Dagonet smiled at me.

"He's never said so many words to anyone." Faith grinned at me as he led me from the room. I smiled at her before turning away.

We walked through the corridors until we came to the room. The doors swung open and let us through. I didn't want to see the men but they were all seated around the table. Dag seemed proud as he walked me around the table. The other knights stared at me. I even saw Tristan's eyes wander. I glared at him. Dagonet led me around the table. He stopped next to the man known as Bors and he pulled the chair out. I looked up at him and frowned. He motioned for me to sit. I just looked at him. He took my arm and pushed me into the chair. Bors grabbed my arm as Dagonet sat in the chair next to me.

"I'm not going anywhere." I glared at Bors. "So you can let go of me."

He shrugged and took his hand back. I looked at Dagonet who was watching me. I crossed my arms and looked at the men whose eyes were all on me. I sighed and sunk low in the chair. I took Dagonet's wine that was in front of him and started to drink it. A grin passed across his face briefly before Arthur stood and all eyes were on him.

"Let us not forget that we are the fortunate ones." He said and everyone stood, I remained in my chair. "Let us raise our wine to those gallant and extraordinary men we have lost, but who will be remembered for eternity." He finished and they all took a drink from our glasses, Dagonet grabbed the one from my hands and took a drink.

"To freedom!" Bors said lifting his glass again.

"To freedom!" The rest of them chimed and took another drink. I just sighed and Dagonet handed the wine glass back to me.

A few moments later a man entered the room introducing some Bishop Germanous. He seemed shocked to see the misshaped table in front of him. It was the table for King Arthur and his knights of the round table. The bishop's right hand man was appalled and asked Jols something I couldn't hear. Jols answered in normal tone.

"Arthur says for men to be men that must first all be equal."

Germanous made a comment of how many of them were left and I imagined what it was like when every seat was occupied with knights. The Bishop continued talking and Arthur was the only one who had any response for him. He addressed the men as if they were children and took ages to get to the point. He added how Rome was not going to have anything more to do with Brittan leaving the land to fend for itself. The Bishop mentioned something about Saxons. All of which I had no idea what they were talking about.

"The Saxons only claim what they kill." Galahad said.

"And only kill everything." Gawain added.

"So you would just leave the land to the Woads. And I risked my life for nothing." Galahad added standing up.

The rest of the men followed suit. The Bishop opened the box he had in front of him showing the men their discharge papers. As if only a temptation he told them that he needed a private word with Arthur before he would give the papers to them. Arthur told him that him and his men had no secrets. The Bishop slammed the box's cover and Lancelot told the men to leave Rome business to Romans. I had every intention of staying put but Dagonet took my arm and pulled me from my chair and we all filed out, wine in hand. From there they all went out to the courtyard to a party that waited for the knights, my arm still held by Dagonet. The men sat at a table together, starting to drink and talk. I was in between Dagonet and Gawain. I folded my arms knowing that I had no choice in the matter and might as well try and get on their good side. Any amount of trust I could build would better my chances of escaping. Time was of the essence if I wanted to get to Derek before nature took hold of him. I watched the men watching the bar maidens walk by them. I just rolled my eyes. Soon some joined in on knife throwing games while Lancelot played a gambling game at a near by table. Bors was talking to a red headed woman holding a baby. Bors got a sappy look on his face and took the baby from her. I assumed that it was his baby. Wondering how any of these men managed to keep a woman. Gawain laughed as he threw his knife into a chair. As I watched them all I caught the red heads name. Her name was Vanora and she was obviously not only Bors's wife but the eye candy for Lancelot. She was rushing around trying to keep up with the empty glasses. She was walking back when Lancelot pulled her onto his lap.

"When are you going to leave Bors, and come home with me?" He said moving her hair and kissing her neck.

"My lover is watching you." She said and slapped him before standing up and walking away.

I shook my head and frowned at Lancelot. He noticed and gave a sheepish smile before turning back to his gambling. Dagonet looked at me and smiled. I just sighed and looked away from him, watching the men throw knives. Galahad was up next and he threw it in the same spot as Gawain had. Tristan was behind him. He took a bite from his apple before he tossed the knife. It landed on the butt of Galahad's.

"Tristan…" Gawain said. "How do you do that?"

Tristan swallowed his apple. "I aim for the middle."

I couldn't help but smile at that. I had taken a drink from Dagonet again and it was nearly gone. I went to stand up but Dagonet grabbed my arm. I showed him the empty glass and he nodded. He told me he'd be watching me. I just sighed again and rolled my eyes. I got up and went up to the bar and asked Vanora for another glass. She went to fill it up when a man came up to me, leaning hard against me. My cut started to hurt with the pressure. I tried to fend him off but I was still weak from my blood loss and he had a slight advantage. He spun me around and attempted to kiss my neck.

"Get off of me." I told him. He tried to kiss me again. "I mean it. Get off!" I yelled becoming angry. He put his hand on my breast. "You bastard!" I yelled and stomped hard on his foot. He yelled and grabbed my throat, squeezing it. I kneed him in the groin and punched him hard across his jaw as he stumbled backward. He stumbled only a moment before coming at me again. I threw my drink in his face which slowed him down. I was just about to fight back when someone grabbed his shoulder and punched him hard, sending him to the ground unconscious.

"Tristan…" I said and looked at him.

"Are you alright?" He asked me. He slowly walked up to me. If the bar hadn't been right behind me I would have moved away but the best I could do was grip the edge and wait to see what he was going to do. He lifted my chin with his hand and looked at my neck.

"Yes." I told him pushing his hand away from me.

"You don't trust easily." He told me.

"Not when you've given me little to trust you for." I smiled.

"I just protected you from that man." He stated.

"I was handling it." I frowned at him.

Tristan opened his mouth to retort but closed it and gave a heavy sigh. He looked at Vanora who smiled and handed him two drinks. Tristan led me back to the table and sat down. He raised an eyebrow at me. I sat next to him and he kept his arm on the back of my chair. I was now in his debt. I rested my chin in my hand and sighed, once again feeling like a prisoner. I watched Bors give his son back to Vanora and demanded her to sing. She refused but everyone chanted for her to do so. She gave in and while holding her son she sang of home.

"_Land of bear and land of eagle_

_Land that gave us birth and blessing_

_Land that pulled us ever homewards_

_We will go home across the mountains_

_We will go home_

_We will go home_

_We will go home across the mountains_

_We will go home, singing our song_

_We will go home…"_

The song made me smile. It was a beautiful song and for a moment I didn't mind being there. I looked at the knights and all of them had become very quiet. Some closed their eyes and mouthed the words with her. It was as if they had gone back to wherever they came from in their heads and for a moment they were free. It touched every one of them.

"_Hear our singing_

_Hear our longing_

_We will go home across the mountains_

_We will go home_

_We will go home…"_

The song was ending when Jols said Arthur's name. Galahad broke from his trance and smiled at his commander.

"Arthur!" Galahad yelled. "Arthur! You're not completely Roman yet, right?" He teased.

"Rus!" Bors yelled and the knights gathered around him.

Arthur did not look pleased; I could tell that something was wrong. I looked at the men but Lancelot was the only one who seemed to sense that something wasn't right.

"Knights…" Arthur said. "Brothers in arms...your courage has been tested beyond all limits."

"Yes." Bors smiled.

Arthur continued, "But I must ask you now for one further trial."

"Drink." Bors said motioning with his hand.

"We must leave on a final mission for Rome before our freedom can be granted." Arthur explained. A few of the knights laughed as if he were teasing. "Above the wall, far in the north, there is a Roman family in need of rescue. They are trapped by Saxons. Our orders are to secure their safety." He finished.

"Let the Roman's take care of their own." Bors told him.

Dagonet didn't need to grab me this time. I stood and followed him listening, knowing that they were just denied their freedom.

"Above the wall is Woad territory." Gawain stated.

Galahad's drunken voice came next. His happy face gone and now there was only anger. "Our duty to Rome, if it was ever a duty, is done. Our pact with Rome is done."

I looked at Bors and his face turned into what, I was sure, the enemy saw before he killed them. The wheels in my head were turning and for a moment I didn't loath them all. "Every knight here has laid his life on the line for you. For you. And instead of freedom you want more blood? Our blood?" He said his voice rising. "You think more of Roman blood and you do of ours?"

Arthur tried to keep it civilized. "Bors! These are our orders. We leave at first light, and when we return your freedom will be waiting for you. A freedom we can embrace with honor."

"I am a free man!" Bors yelled, his emotions rising. "I will choose my own fate!"

"Yeah, yeah. We're all going to die someday. If it's death from a Saxon hand that frightens you, stay home." Tristan told him. His indifference to the news caused more harm than good.

"Listen, if you're so eager to die, you can die right now!" Galahad yelled as he stepped toward him.

Lancelot seemed to finally break. He stepped between his friends. "Enough. Enough!" He yelled.

"I've got something to live for!" Galahad yelled.

It was Dagonet's turn to step in. I watched from the sidelines as the men fell apart. I wasn't sure what made the Saxons so bad but whatever it was they were afraid for their lives. Not only the Saxons but from the Woads as well.

"The Roman's have broken their word." Dagonet told them. "We have the word of Arthur. That is good enough. I'll prepare." He said and walked away. "Bors?" Dag asked. "You coming?"

"Of course I'm coming!" He yelled, stopping his pacing. "Can't let you go on your own! You'll all get killed! I'm just saying what you're all thinking!" He paused and then turned away from them. "Vanora'll kill me." He said quietly. I heard and smiled sadly.

For a moment I was going to follow Dagonet but then my senses kicked in and I seized the moment as my time to get out of there. I slipped into the shadows and headed away from the commotion. I circled the area to see where everyone was. I moved quickly into the fortress and to the room I had been using. I changed into my own things before getting out just as quickly. I found the stables and momentarily paused to see if anyone was coming. I opened the stable doors and slipped inside. I walked through and found a horse in the far back, black as the darkest of night with feathers circling its feet, mane and tail long and flowing. When I approached, the horse wigged out and I tried calming it down. Once it did I reached in and gently stroked its neck. I didn't waste any time. I opened the stall and quickly tacked it up. For my purposes I took a shovel that was leaning against the wall and tied it to the saddle. I pulled myself up onto the horse's back. I moved it forward and managed to kick the back door open, revealing my escape route. I kicked the horse and it rushed forward. It picked up speed fast and I leaned low against the horse's neck to reduce the amount of times I got hit in the face by the branches. I steered the horse as best I could but left most of it up to its own judgment. When the brush cleared I slowed the horse to a stop and looked around.

"Alright boy…" I said and paused. I leaned over the side. "Yup, alright boy, we need to find a field. I have absolutely no idea where it is but we need to find it by morning. That doesn't leave us much time." I told him. He nickered and shook his head. I smiled and stroked his neck. "That's right. Now let me think." I told him and looked around. We rode in an almost straight line, or so I hoped. I assumed the direction where the tavern was to where we came in and prayed to God that I had assumed right. "Let's go." I told him and turned the horse in the direction I had decided and pushed him forward.

* * *

When my ass started to go numb and my eyes could hardly stay open I stopped the horse and slid from his back. I had his mane in my hand but he never made an attempt to run. I let him go and sat at the base of a tree.

"I just need to rest for a little while." I told him. He nuzzled me gently. "I'll build the fire."

It took me ages but I managed to get it going but once the flames rose, the night air quickly became comfortable. I sat back against the tree and coaxed the horse over to me. I stroked his neck and bent his knee convincing him to lie next to me. I leaned against him to keep warm as I fell asleep.


	5. Trying to Understand

**Disclaimer: You all know what it is.**

**A/N: So here is chapter five of my revised version of this story. No one has told me either way if they like it better than the original but maybe no one has reread the new version. So I'm slowly working on getting this story on track and get the older chapters replaced. I hope you like it.**

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**_**Chapter Five: Trying to Understand **_

The knights' had been so preoccupied with their own troubles that it took most of the night before any of them realized that Paige had disappeared.

"Arthur!" Dagonet said rushing up to him. He turned toward his companion. "She's gone."

"I know." Arthur told him. Dagonet just looked at him. "Did you expect her to stay?"

"She isn't going to make it out there." Dagonet told him.

"I know." Arthur said coolly. "That's why I've already sent Tristan out to find her."

"Tristan…?" Dagonet said slightly surprised. "Is he going to bring her back here?" He asked.

"No, he's just going to watch her for a while." He said and started to walk away.

"Arthur…" Dag called after him.

He had taken her in and had wanted to find her himself. There was something about her that he was drawn to. When she was calm it made him calm and made him want to feel her touch. When she was angry it made him angry that he could not help her. It was hard for him not to want to rush out and search for her himself. He would wait for Tristan and see what he said about her and what was happening. For now, there was nothing he could do.

* * *

Tristan stood yards away from the small fire. His horse stood still as he watched the woman and the horse she had taken. He was surprised to see her nestled up against the large black horse. He dismounted and slowly made his way toward them. He was only supposed to watch but since it appeared the she was sleeping he felt the need to get closer, making sure she was all right. A twig snapped but she didn't stir. He moved behind a tree and waited to make sure he was not seen. He moved next to the tree and crossed his arms, leaning against it. She looked peaceful as she slept. He moved forward quietly, placing a few more logs on the fire, making sure that it lasted the night. The horse looked at him but did not stand. He knew that Tristan was no threat. Once it was done he moved back and turned away from the sleeping girl and her horse. He mounted and meant to return to the fort but his eyes lingered on her. She was a beautiful girl, this he knew, but her stubbornness and strong will made him question the force that was drawing him to her. Perhaps it was her red hair and her grey eyes. Either way he had a hard time taking his eyes from her.

When he finally tore his eyes away and turned his horse there was a sound in the woods that sounded ominous to him. He dismounted and turned toward the fire. Both girl and horse were gone. He moved toward the fire and then he was hit from the side, being slammed into a tree.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him.

"Paige…" He replied, a look of shock on his face.

"You're not the only one who can sneak around." I told him coldly.

"The horse?" He asked.

"Almost as quiet as me." I said and released him. "Now tell me what the hell you are doing here." I demanded from him.

"I was sent to find you." He told me.

"By Arthur?"

"Yes."

"Why does he care?" I asked.

"No one thought you would last the night." He replied.

"I've lasted this far, I think I can handle a few more hours." I told him.

"You were sleeping."

"And I heard you snap the twig and place wood on the fire. I was waiting for my moment." I told him. He smiled at me. "Don't do that." I told him.

"I'm sorry. I'm just surprised." He told me.

"Don't be. You found me. Now you can leave and tell them that I died or something." I told him, walking away from him.

"Paige…" He said taking my arm. "I can't do that."

"Why not?" I asked him. "Than get pissed at me and kill me yourself."

"I can't do that." He told me seriously.

"Why not?" I asked him angrily.

"The men's anger for the loss of an innocent alone but if it was caused by my own hand…not to mention Dag would kill me if I told him you were dead when I found you." He told me.

"I don't give a shit how Dag would react. I haven't known any of you long enough for you to care. So go home." I told him. He didn't say anything. "Are you here to bring me back?" I asked him. He shook his head. "Than what?"

"I was just supposed to watch you. You weren't supposed to see me." He told me.

"Well I did. So what are you going to do now?" I asked him.

"I'm leaving that up to you." He told me.

"Than I want you to leave and I'm going to find that field and I am going to bury the man I love."

"You're going in the wrong direction." He told me.

"Than tell me which way to go. There is no changing my mind." I told him.

"And what are you going to do after you bury him?" He asked.

"I don't know." I told him. "Maybe I'll find a way to join him."

"I wouldn't do that." He told me.

"Why not? Why do you care? You don't even know me. I don't know you."

"For some it doesn't matter how long you know a person. Sometimes you can see right through them and see who they really are. I can see you. Dag can see you." He told me.

"You can't see shit!" I told him angrily. "Thank god no one talks like this anymore! You know nothing about me! The only thing I want from you is the directions to that field, after that…nothing."

He sighed and looked at the ground for a moment. "Head east, keep going; the field is nearly half a day in that direction." He told me.

"Thank you." I said calmly. "Thank you very much."

I went to walk away from him but he grabbed my wrist tightly. I tried to pull away but he held firm.

"I will give you until tomorrow night. Then I will find you and take you with us." He told me.

My gratitude toward him disappeared. "What?" I said pulling away from him.

"Do what you have to do. Then I will find you."

"What makes you think that I will go anywhere with you?" I asked him.

"Because you have nowhere else to go." He replied.

"I am going to find a way home." I told him.

"Why are you being so difficult?" He asked me.

"Why can't you just understand?" I retorted.

"I'm trying. Believe me, I'm trying." He said and mounted his horse. "Good luck." He told me and took off through the woods.

I threw my hands up in the air not knowing what to think. I closed my eyes and tried to calm myself. Why couldn't they just understand that I want nothing to do with them? I want nothing that they could give me. All I wanted was to find Derek's body, bury him, and be left alone. Even if there was no way home I wasn't going to rejoin the knights'. I could evade them. If I could sneak up on Tristan I could hide. I had stolen a magnificent horse and the will to stay hidden and alone.

* * *

I trusted Tristan's word and quickly mounted the horse. "All right Zeus." I said just throwing out a name for the horse. "Let's move and let's move quickly." I told the horse and pushed him forward.

We started out a little slow to break ourselves back in before pushing hard to cover as much ground as possible. There was plenty of night left and if Tristan's distance was right we would be there by midday.

We stopped by a stream so Zeus and I could drink our fill. He grazed on the grass near the water and I managed to find a berry bush nearby, hoping that after I ingested them they wouldn't make me ill. Once we were done we headed off again. As if on cue, shortly before midday I saw a break in the trees. I stopped the horse and for a moment I couldn't move forward, knowing what I was going to find. Zeus tried to move forward but I stopped him. He sensed something and I took my eyes from the field and put my hands on his neck. He fidgeted slightly before calming and shook his head. I sighed and stared at the opening in the trees for what felt like hours, though it was much shorter. I finally moved the horse forward and slowly the trees disappeared behind us. The field was still littered with the bodies of the dead. I slowly moved the horse through them trying my best not to disturb them. It took me nearly an hour, having scoured over half the field before I found what…who I was looking for. I was still a few yards away when my eyes fell upon Derek's body. My body stiffened, the horse's as well as its focus followed my own. I couldn't tear my eyes off of him. I started to feel dizzy, the feeling made me finally take a breath. I took a deep breath and dismounted. I slowly walked over to Derek. Tears starting to well in my eyes. I stood next to his body, looking down at him. He was so pale. His lips and his lidded eyes looked blue even though the sun was warming. The longer I looked at him the stronger my agony became. I bursted into tears and fell to my knees and sobbed into my hands as I rocked back and forth. Even though his body was cold and stiff with death, I threw myself across it and held him tight, crying against his chest. When my tears stopped I kept my eyes shut and ran my hand up and down his chest. Behind my lidded eyes I could see him clearly. We were lying in bed together after the throws of love. He was running his fingers through my hair as I ran my finger down his chest. He laughed as I hit his ticklish spot and I grinned up at him. He leaned forward to kiss me. I closed my eyes waited for his to touch mine. He paused right before the touch and whispered 'I love you.' I grinned and returned the words before meeting his lips kissing him deeply.

When I brought myself back to reality I opened my eyes. I wasn't in our room any longer. I was lying on top of his dead body. No 'I love you' escaping his lips. I leaned back and looked at him. I ran my fingers though his hair and down his face. I bent and kissed his lips whispering 'I love you' to him, knowing that he knew that wherever he was but I needed to tell him. The horse was standing where I had left him. I stood up and looked around. I had to find the right spot to start digging. It was hard, but I managed to get his body on top of the horse and led it through the field, trying to find the right spot. When I covered the field and still didn't find a spot worthy enough for Derek's body I moved into the woods. I covered quite a bit of ground, looking for a spot and yet stalling, not wanting to let him go. Burying him would make it real. Would make it permanent. There would be no coming back from this.

I was going to give up the look for the right grave when I walked into a small clearing and a feeling moved through me. A feeling telling me that this was the spot and that it was time to let go. Time to put him in the ground and move on. Even though the thought of moving on hurt just as much as him dying. I took the shovel from the saddle and put my hand on Derek's back as I did so. I moved to the center of the clearing and took a deep breath before slamming the head of the shovel into the ground.

It took hours but I managed to get the hole deep enough, or so I hoped. I wasn't sure how deep to dig it so I kept going until it was well over my head. I had to dig holes in the walls so I could climb out. I called Zeus to me and he gently walked over as if he knew the cargo on his back was important. I smiled and stroked the horse's nose before going to his side and slowly pulling the body from his back. Derek's body fell hard against me and I fell backward with him in my arms. I landed just next to the hole. I held him tight and the fear that the fall had brought into me broke the cover I was trying to hold and tears sprung to my eyes. I quickly pushed them away and moved out from under him. I looked at him and kissed his forehead and his lips. The tears sprung back into my eyes as I said my final goodbyes, telling him how sorry I was, and how much I loved him. I kissed his lips one final time before rolling him into the grave. I sobbed as I shoveled the dirt on top of him. It took the rest of the day to finish burying him, packing the grave in till it was a mound over the ground. I took the shovel and thrust it into the head of the grave. I found a thick stick nearby and broke it to create the horizontal part of the cross I was constructing. I used the little I had and tied it to the shovel handle. I then found as many rocks as I could and placed them over his grave, covering the exposed dirt.

When I was done a feeling passed through me that made me smile. Derek's smiling face filled my mind and the way we had been together. I smiled and knew that wherever he was he could have peace. I had buried him and with that came a peace I didn't think I could feel. In this moment I felt like I could move on. Like burying him had made it okay on some level. Even though there was a smile on my face there were tears running down my cheeks. When I couldn't look at the mound any longer I took the reigns and turned Zeus back the way we had come. We walked through the woods until the field came into view. I wasn't in any hurry. The sky was slowly darkening and I knew that Tristan would show up sooner or later. I maneuvered Zeus around the bodies left in the field, trying my best not to disturb them. I was halfway to the other side when the sound of hooves was heard and it was growing louder as I stopped to listen. I turned toward the sound and as it grew louder I could see movement through the trees. I wasn't sure who there was but when they appeared from the woods on horseback they all had sleeveless armor on with tan, potato sack looking capes on that were big enough to wrap around them with the approaching winter from the mountains. I just stood there and watched. They noticed me and the horse right away and moved toward us. I stood my ground even as Zeus started to get anxious and fidgeted back and forth.

"What is your business here?" One of the men asked.

"Burying one of the dead." I replied.

"Are you a pagan?" Another asked.

"And if I am?" I asked.

They looked at each other and two got down from their horse. Zeus started to panic; he reared and stomped around the small circle that the men had created. The men's' horses panicked as well and Zeus pulled away from me and darted through the woods. I called after the horse but it was no use. The two men who had dismounted looked at me and I made ready to fight. They tried to grab me but I evaded their hands even though the others made it impossible to escape the circle. They grabbed me but I managed to get loose. I made for a gap in the horses but before I could move through it I was hit over the head and the last thing I remembered was my cheek against the grass.


	6. Taken

**Disclaimer: Nothing from King Arthur belongs to me. What you don't recognize is mine.**

**A/N: Here is chapter six. I hope you're all enjoying this version. I deleted the part of the story that was still the old version and I hope that this new version is making people happier. So the story continues…**

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**_**Chapter Six: Taken**_

Tristan's eyes moved through the field as he imagined what had happened to the girl. The black horse was tied to his own acting nervous. Tristan ran his hand down the horse's neck and made a shushing sound. The horse nickered but he still seemed uneasy. Tristan moved his eyes over the field and then dismounted. He walked onto the field, his feet conscious of where they were set, and his eyes were taking in the pattern in the grass that the shoes of the men, girl, and horse's had left. He singled out Paige's and followed them around the field and through the woods until he came across Derek's tomb. He lingered a moment out of respect for the dead and then moved on. He followed the prints of Zeus and his master until they came to a halt half way through the field on their way back. He paused and moved in a circle. His mind putting together the images in his head that the ground before him was showing. He closed his eyes and played his version of the capture in his mind. When he opened his eyes he noticed a flatting in the grass where a body had lain. He bent and ran his hand along the nearly invisible shadow. His eyes then spotted red tipped grass. He frowned and stood. His eyes followed the hoof tracks that didn't belong to the black horse and his eyes moved in their direction. He quickly moved back to his own horse and mounted. He followed the tracks as they made their way through the field and into the trees. He stopped periodically to make sure that he was going the right way. At one point he found a piece of fabric that he knew to be from capes of roman soldiers. He continued to follow the tracks until the trees gave way and an estate wall lay before him. A pit fell in his stomach and anger started to boil in his veins. He turned his horse and pushed him hard, making a run to rejoin his men.

* * *

My eyes slowly creaked open as I came back to consciousness. My body was stiff and cold. There was a throbbing in my head that was nearly unbearable. I moved my hand to my head and felt, what I could only assume to be dried blood. I groaned and opened my eyes further trying to take in my surroundings. I was on my stomach, facing iron bars in front of me. I lifted myself onto my hands and knees and it took all of me to keep the position. My arms were shaking and when I went to stand up my head hit the roof. I yelled in pain and I fell back to the floor on my back holding my head. Tears ran from my eyes and unconsciousness threatened to take hold of me again. I fought back the feeling and rolled onto my side. I took a moment before trying to get onto my hands and knees again but I couldn't. My body was shaking uncontrollably, it took enough just to stay on my side. I looked around to realize the smallness of my cell. The roof was high enough to sit or crawl in. There was only a small amount of hay on the stone floor for comfort and the stench of death and decay was enough to make a person vomit. There was a form in the far corner, only a few feet away from me. I watched it, hoping that it would move. That the person lying there curled up would move, letting me know that I am not alone. They didn't move. I made to get up again but the world spun and unconsciousness took me again.

* * *

Tristan saw the men and ran into the center of them.

"Did you find her?" Dagonet asked him.

Tristan gave a nod. "She was taken. Roman soldiers. She was taken to Marius's estate."

Arthur's eyes were on him. His demeanor changed from calm to rigid. For it was Marius's estate where they were traveling to. It was there where they were supposed to be saving a Christian family. It was a cruel coincidence that their missing girl would be found at the same place. His eyes moved from one man to the next. All their faces seemed to show the same expression. A mixture of anger and worry.

"Let's move." Arthur told them.

* * *

I opened my eyes and the world spun briefly before I could focus. I heard whimpering in the corner and looked over at a shaking form in the corner. I moved to my hands and knees and made my way over to the figure. By the sound I assumed it a woman and when I got closer I could make out the small figure of a young woman. Her eyes moved quickly to mine and we stared at each other for a moment. Terror was written all over her face. I put my hand on her back. She quivered under my hand.

"It's okay." I whispered. "Everything is going to be all right." I told her, managing a small smile. No sooner had the words left my mouth when there was a sound from the room and a man appeared through the cage door. The girl started to shake harder. I looked at her a moment longer before I moved toward the door and looked up at him. "What's going on? Where am I?" I asked him. He didn't say a word. The chain rattled and the door fell to the floor. I moved away from the door as they reached for me. "What are you doing?" I asked them. They grabbed my ankle and started pull me from my cell. I fought them. "What's going on?" I asked more urgently. I fought harder as the grip tightened but they drug me from the cage and slammed it shut, locking it again. "What are you doing?" I asked them again.

I struggled as they pulled me across the room. I planted my feet but they just slid as I was forced forward. The next thing I knew I was being held down and my fingers were tied to some kind of machine. I asked them again what they were doing but they didn't say a word as they worked. I was trying to wrap my head around what was going on. The look on their faces was of hate and as they finished placing the machine on my fingers they smiled. I was going to try and get answers from them but a moment later all I knew was the pain as my fingers cracked and broke. I screamed in pain. They took my other hand. I tried to fight them, even pleaded, but I was backhanded hard and the same pain shot through my other hand. I screamed again and tried to control the tears that were running down my face. They seemed to take pleasure in my misery and smiled as they undid my hands. I was weak from the immense pain and allowed them to drag me back to the cage. They threw me in and slammed the door shut. I laid there and looked at my fingers. I tried moving them but I found that I couldn't, only pain was felt. I looked at the woman and she was watching me. I moved into the nearest corner and sat with my knees up against my chest. I held my hands in my lap and closed my eyes. I leaned my head back against the wall and took deep breathes, waiting for the pain to subside. Once the pain dulled I did my best not to move my hands, afraid that the pain would come back in full force if disturbed.

After some time I looked at the woman and she had moved to a sitting position. I watched her for a short while as she watched me. I didn't know how hurt she was but by the looks of her she must have been here a while.

The hours seemed to drag by and without moving my hands I fell to my side, lying on the stone floor. I tried to think of happy thoughts but the only things I could think of was Derek being dead and the torture I had been put through today. As much as I wanted to be strong, the last thing I remembered before drifting off to sleep were silent tears falling.

* * *

Dagonet couldn't stop thinking about the girl and what was happening to her. They were nearly there but night had fallen and the horses' needed to rest. He couldn't explain the feelings they were moving through him or the reason that her face was a constant in his mind.

"What are we going to do once we get there?" Galahad asked Arthur.

"Find Paige." He replied.

"And then?" Gawain asked.

"Complete our mission."

"We're still going to save the family?" Gawain asked. "Even though they took a young girl."

"We don't know what they've done with her. Maybe they saved her. For all we know she is safe and warm inside the estate." Arthur told him.

"Is that what you really think?" Dagonet asked him with a hint of anger in his voice.

"There was fresh blood in the grass." Tristan told Arthur.

"Maybe you're wrong." Bors told him.

"Am I ever?" Tristan asked. No one said anything.

"We will find the girl and then finish our mission. We will return the family to the bishop and then we will be free." Arthur told them. The men were silent and stared into the fire as the night wore on.

* * *

The men had come back twice during the night. First they took the woman. For nearly an hour I had to listen to her scream before she was thrown back in. I helped her into her corner and tried to comfort her as she sobbed. I was still gently stroking her hair when my ankle was grabbed and I was taken from the cage. They beat me, throwing hard blows into my stomach. I could feel a few ribs break. I hadn't screamed yet but the pain of them breaking made me yell out and that was sufficient enough for them and, shortly after, they put me back. I crawled back to my corner and put pressure on my bleeding temple. I tucked my bottom lip in my mouth and used my tongue to stop the bleeding from my split lip. I fell asleep still sitting against the wall.

The next morning was met with another beating and even though I asked, no food or water was given. I sat rattling the cage door even though I couldn't grip the bars right with my broken fingers. Once the little strength I had was gone I moved backward into the corner and slammed my fist against the wall making my hand sear with pain. I put my head back against the wall and looked at the girl in the corner.

"Who are you?" I asked her. She didn't say anything. I crawled over to her and leaned against the wall. "How long have you been here?" I asked her. She still didn't say anything. "Okay, I guess you're not the talkative type." I told myself more than her. "I'm Paige." I told her. I laughed a little at her silence. "Does it get worse than this?" I asked her. "Will more severe pain follow what already has been given?" She didn't say anything. I smiled at her. "Can't say I didn't try." I told her and moved back to the opposite corner.

I started to hum to myself to pass the time. Not long had passed when the woman moved into a sitting position and looked at me.

"I'm Guinevere." She said weakly.

I looked at her in shock that she spoken. "Hi." Was all I could come up with.

"Where did you come from?" She asked.

"I was taken from a field, somewhere around here. Do you know where we are?" I asked her. She shook her head. I sighed. "They're not going to be able to find me down here." I said aloud but not directed at her.

"Who?" She asked.

"The knights." I said and tears sprung to my eyes. "I hated them for keeping me with them. For protecting me." I told her and laughed. "And now all I can think of is how much I wish they were here."

It was the first time I admitted it even to myself. They had been nothing but kind to me and I had pushed every one of them away. Dagonet especially. Tears filled my eyes as I thought of him. I would need his forgiveness. All of their forgiveness if they could get me out of this. I put my hands together and even though the pain was immense I laced them together and closed my eyes, letting tears run down my face, and prayed as hard as I could for them to find me. For them to save me from this hell I had been plunged into.

* * *

The men remained silent as they moved through the trees on the path to Marius's estate. All had seen their fair share of death and misery but the unknown fate of the young woman had made them almost afraid to reach their destination and find what had come of her. The power of one woman was proving new and challenging for them all. Her presence had filled a sense of loneliness in all of them. They had stopped for another night of restless sleep and they sat around the fire with little to say.

"Where is Dag?" Arthur asked the men.

"He rode off." Tristan replied walking up to him.

"Where did he go?" Arthur asked.

"To find her." Gawain replied.

"How long?" Arthur asked.

"Not long at all." Dagonet said from behind him. Arthur turned to him. "Just needed to relieve built up tension." He said with a small smile.

"We're nearly there." Arthur told him. "We'll find her."

"I know. I just can't help feeling I'm partial to blame for her leaving."

"And I'm the one who left her alone." Tristan told him.

"Don't dwell on what's been done." Arthur told them. "Let's just rest and keep moving once the sun comes up."

* * *

I was unsure how much time had passed. I was taken out of the cage again and listened as they said their prayers in Latin and then sustained a beating until they were breathless and I bloody. After several times of this, not matter how small the movement, it terrified me. There was a boy across the way that they took out from time to time. I had to listen to his suffering and had to witness them break his arm, asking him questions and the sins he had been accused of. He would scream that he didn't know but they kept asking him and tortured him when he replied. They wanted him to repent but it was unlikely that the boy even knew what the word meant. He didn't understand what was going on and was too afraid. He was a brave boy, he didn't even cry. We were given no food or water, no matter how hard I tried to convince them to give us the smallest ration possible.

"Pepperoni pizza." I said aloud as my stomach growled. "Mm." I said closing my eyes. "I love pizza, and popcorn, and grapes..." I said and paused. "I'm so hungry."

"Bread…" Guinevere smiled from her corner.

I smiled at her. "At least there is decent company."

Her smile widened. I grinned at her and felt a small twinkle in my eye. The happy feeling of her company made me feel guilty. I cleared my throat and closed my eyes, resting my head on the wall.

"Why do you do that?" Guinevere asked me.

"Do what?" I retorted.

"Any glimmer of happiness is pushed away. I should think that if you can find the emotion in this place it would be welcomed."

"I don't deserve to be happy." I told her.

"Why is that?" She asked.

I thought a moment, wondering if I should confide it her. "I do not belong to this land. I don't even belong to this time." I told her. She looked intrigued. "I was walking through the woods with my boyfriend, Derek. We were chased by a bear and then somehow we ended up here." I said and paused. "We were thrown into a battle between the Woads and some Roman officers. Soon the knights' joined in. Derek and I were separated as the fight intensified. I fought hard and I managed to kill the men who tried to harm me. I finally found Derek and we were going to find a way out of there but he was run through." I told her, my eyes glistening with tears. "He died in my arms. We were going to get married." I told her and smiled to myself. "I was taken from the field, after he died, by the knights' and taken to their fortress. They kept me there until I took off. One found me and we argued. He left and was going to come back for me the night I was taken. But I was determined to find the field where Derek was killed. I did find it and I buried him. Then Roman soldiers took me from the field. He was too late. I don't even know if he came looking for me or not. I might just be wasting my time." I told her and paused again. "I had given them such a hard time when they took me to their fortress. I didn't trust them. I don't even know if that's changed or not. One in particular tried to help me and I pushed him away. If I had just let him help. If I had just let him care I may not be here." I told her. Her smile faltered. "I'm sorry Guin." I told her. She smiled and shook her head. "I just wish that I had done things differently is all. I spent so much time being angry and sad, focusing so much on burying Derek that I didn't see anything for what they were. I only saw what I wanted to see."

"That's human nature." She smiled.

I smiled and nodded. "I suppose it is."

Just then there was the sound of footsteps and the men came into view. One started to chant as the other came to the door and opened it. He reached for Guinevere.

"No!" I said and kicked him hard in his side, making him retreat from the cage.

"It's your turn then." He said and took hold of me.

I was weak and though I fought it took little to pull me from the cage. Guinevere was weaker than I and was little help, even though she tried. I heard the boy yelling 'no' from his own cage as I was pulled to the center of the room and held firmly by one as the other pulled a whip from the wall. I was whipped several times and once they were finished I fell to the floor unable to hold myself up. The pain was too great. They pulled me to my feet again and one brought forth a large bucket of water. I didn't have the strength to fight back but the fear I felt was the greatest I'd ever felt. Looking at the waters surface glisten in front of me a horrible feeling went through, the feeling that this might be the end.

"Please don't." I whispered.

They said nothing and my head was plunged into the water. I was nearly out of breath when they pulled me out. I gagged on the water and gasped for breath. I had barely gotten it back when they plunged me into the water again. Just as my lungs seared with pain they pulled me out. I gasped and this time they didn't wait for me to catch my breath but plunged me back into the water. I struggled as best I could but my lungs were begging for air and I couldn't hold the little air I had left in. Water rushed into my lungs and I lost consciousness.

* * *

My eyes creaked open. I was on my stomach and my ribs were sore, telling me that I'd been lying there for a while. My vision was blurred and I closed my eyes again, furrowing my brows. I opened them again and everything came into focus. Guinevere was sitting in her corner but she crawled over to me when she saw that I was awake.

"I thought you were dead." She told me, though a smile was on her face. "I saw what they did to you."

"I didn't think I was going to make it." I told her though it was barely above a whisper. I rolled onto my back and frowned with pain as I stretched out my body. "How long was I out?"

"Um…" She said, my odd words rolling around her head. "Through the night." She told me.

"Okay." I said with my eyes shut.

The day was young and the men returned. First they laughed at me and then they opened the cage and grabbed Guin. I put my arm out to her and she grabbed my hand but was quickly pulled away from me. I had no energy to move. My whole body ached. Guinevere was gone for some time and was tortured in some way. I didn't have the strength or the heart to watch. Listening alone was enough to torture me. I covered my ears in the cage not wanting to hear, keeping my eyes shut, rocking back and forth. The knights' faces flashed in my head, my only comfort, wanting, praying, for them to come and rescue me.

* * *

When Guinevere was thrown back into the cage she lay motionless. I went to her unconscious body. Before I could help her in any way I was grabbed and pulled from the cage again. I was dragged to the other side of the room and put in shackles on the wall. I stood there and watched as they moved toward the fire. There I could see metal in their hands and when they turned around red hot pokers were there. I looked at them and instead off feeling fear, anger took hold of me. Anger that was like nothing I had ever felt before. I was shaking with rage as they came closer to me. It took all of me to hold tight to the chains and lift my legs in the air, kicking them back. One stepped forward and backhanded me hard enough to split my lip. I looked back at him and spit the fresh blood in his face. That got me another hit and then I felt the burning metal against my skin. I screamed with the pain as it seared my flesh.

"I'm going to ask you a few questions. Are you willing to answer them?" They asked. I didn't say anything. "Answer us!" They demanded. I stayed silent. The poker went into my skin again. "You must ask for forgiveness. Confess your sins!" The poker went in again.

"I don't know what you're talking about!" I yelled.

"Who were you traveling with? Tell us now!" They demanded.

"Do what you like." I told them as tears streamed down my face. "But you will get nothing from me."

The priests were outraged by my response. I was beaten and burned until I lost consciousness.


	7. Holding On

**Disclaimer: The usual.**

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* * *

**_**Chapter Seven: Holding On**_

I shot awake and looked around me. It was dark and the stench was getting worse. I was shaking uncontrollably and my eyes were streaming with tears. My body hurt and I took a deep breath, trying to build enough courage to look at my latest wounds. I lifted up my shirt to see several holes. Most were still oozing some blood even though the heat from the poker had partially cauterized the wounds. I looked over and Guinn was still in the cage with me. I shifted and she our eyes met. I smiled at her, my split lip starting to bleed again, she gave me a small smile in return.

"Are you alright?" She asked.

I shook my head as tears streamed from the corners of my eyes. "No, not really." I told her. She came over to me and lifted up my shirt. The look on her face told me that it was probably worse than I thought it was. "I should be trying to take care of you." I told her. "You've been here longer than me. You need care more than I."

"They treated you worse than they did me. They must think you know something of importance."

"But I don't." I said trying to hold back my tears.

"Neither do I and yet they keep asking me questions." She replied.

"Why are they doing this?" I asked, sitting up with much difficulty.

"I don't know." She replied.

* * *

Time passed, who knew how much. I was so thirsty that swallowing was becoming difficult and I had developed a fever and I couldn't stop coughing, my shaking getting worse. It was cold and damp. The priests seemed to be extremely eager to get information and yet wanted us to repent. When I would not tell them anything they would tell me that I was a sinner and use some device on me. The amount of time I remained conscious grew shorter and shorter and the moments I was awake I missed the knights' more and more. They would have protected me from anything like this. Trying to comfort myself and to pass the time I was sitting in the corner humming to myself.

"What is that?" Guinn asked me.

"Just a favorite song of mine." I told her softly. I was weak from my latest beating and the song was comforting to me.

"Will you sing it to me?" She asked.

"I don't know if you'll like it. It's very different from your songs here." I replied.

"Does it help you?" She asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Humming it, does it help?" She asked.

I lifted my head from the wall and looked at her. "Yes, it does. It makes me feel like there is still hope." I told her.

"Please sing it to me." Guinn said sweetly.

I smiled at her. "I am not a good singer so I really –"

"I want hope too." She said cutting me off.

I looked at her before I closed my eyes and got the music back into my head. It was the most recent song I had heard from Avril Lavigne, called 'Keep Holding On'. I cleared my throat and looked at her.

"_You're not alone_

_Together we stand _

_I'll be by your side _

_You know I'll take your hand _

_When it gets cold _

_And it feels like the end_

_There's no place to go _

_You know I won't give in_

_No, I won't give in…"_

As I sang I watched Guinn and the smile that surfaced on her face was enough to make me continue, even though it was horribly sung and very off key.

"_Keep holdin' on _

_Cause you know we'll make it through _

_We'll make it through _

_Just stay strong _

_Cause you know I'm here for you _

_I'm here for you…"_

My eyes shifted from Guinn out across the room and from the boy's small cage, with only a grate on the top, I saw his fingers appear and grip it. Tears sprung to my eyes and I had to close them in order for me to continue.

"_So far away _

_I wish you were here _

_Before it's too late _

_This could all disappear _

_Before the door's closed _

_And it comes to an end _

_With you by my side _

_I will fight and defend _

_I'll fight and defend, yeah, yeah…"_

As the song came to an end I opened my eyes and tears came streaming out of them. Guinn had her eyes closed and her eyebrows were furrowed as if she were remembering something from the past that was now brought forward in her mind.

"_There's nothing you can say _

_Nothing you can do _

_There's no other way when it comes to the truth _

_So, keep holding on _

_Cause you know we'll make it through _

_We'll make it through."_

I finished but the last four words were so forced that I wasn't sure I could get them out. Soon the boy's fingers disappeared from the grate and I looked over at Guinn. She opened her eyes and I could see the tears that were falling out of them. I tried to get onto my hands and knees to crawl to her but my body wouldn't support my weight any longer. I managed to pull myself over to her and I embraced her. We both started to cry and I didn't remember stopping before an uneasy sleep took me.

* * *

As time continued to pass I tried to keep on a brave face but my illness grew worse and my body felt like it was going to give out. Time had become irrelevant as I lay there. I was dragged from the cage every time they noticed that I was conscious, either before or after they had already taken Guinn. She would tell me that I would sleep for hours at a time making the amount of time I spent there unfeasible. She herself wasn't conscious often anymore and the boy never said a word.

"Grab the third one." I heard a priest say, being given a number by the order we came to be there.

"No…" I said as the door dropped and once again the priests' faces appeared. "Please stop." I said barely above a whisper.

They chained me to the wall that held me in the air, I could no longer support myself on my legs. I could see the pokers once again in the men's hands and I closed my eyes, waiting for them to start. They said a few prayers before one started to come over to me. He was just about to me when I heard commotion from the stairs leading out of the dungeons. I didn't know what it was, but I was grateful to it as the priests disappeared to see what was going on. A moment later I could hear them yelling at someone. I could barely keep my eyes open to see what was happening.

"Who are these defilers of the Lord's temple?" A priest asked.

"Out of the way?" I heard a familiar voice say.

They said something else but as I felt myself start to leave consciousness. My ears were blurring the words together. I heard my name and soon there was a hand on my face.

"Paige…Paige, can you hear me?"

The voice brought me back. I opened my eyes as much as I could and saw Dagonet's face. "Dagonet." I said as tears filled my eyes. "Thank God."

"Paige I'm sorry." Dagonet said. "I'm going to get you out of here." He said and the chains were broken.

I fell into his arms. I put my arms around his neck and held him as tight as I could. I buried my face in his shoulder. Dag had his arms around me and his grip was almost painful. His hand found the back of my head and he buried his face in my neck. He quickly picked me up, holding me tight against him, and took me from the dungeon. When we hit the outside world the fresh air poured into my lungs and I felt like I had breathed for the first time in days. We were quickly followed by Arthur and Gawain who also had a victim in there arms. Dagonet laid me on the ground and I could see the boy and Guinevere close by.

"Water! Give me water!" Arthur shouted.

"Paige…?" Dagonet said turning my face toward him.

"You came for me." I whispered.

"Of course I did." Dag said his voice quiet.

"Here…" Horton said giving Dagonet water.

"Drink…" He told me and slowly poured the water onto my lips.

I tried to swallow but only choked on it. "I can't, I can't, please." I told him, turning onto my side so the water ran out. I gasped for breath. Dagonet gently ran the back of his fingers down my face before he rolled me onto my back.

"Is she all right?" Tristan asked stopping his horse next to us. I had my eyes closed and Dagonet never said anything. I opened my eyes as he pulled up my shirt. He looked at me and then up at Tristan.

"It's bad, isn't it?" I asked them. I looked at Tristan but his face didn't tell me anything. Dagonet looked concerned. "Dag…?" I said, my eyes pleading with his.

He just looked at me, than a forced smile crossed his face. "You're going to be fine. I'm going to look after you." He said but the smile soon faded. "Here…" He said putting the water skin to my lips. I tried taking the water again and managed to get some down my throat.

"Stop what you are doing!" A man named Marius yelled.

"What is this madness?" Arthur demanded.

"They are all pagans here!" Marius yelled.

"So are we." Galahad told him.

"They refuse to do the task God has set for them! They must die as an example!"

"You mean they refuse to be your surfs!" Arthur yelled at him.

"You are a Roman. You understand. And you are a Christian." He told Arthur. He then turned to his wife. "You! You kept them alive!" He said and struck her. Arthur punched him causing him to fall backward, Arthur held his sword to the man's throat. His soldiers went to help but he called them off. "No, no stop." He commanded. "When we get to the wall you will be punished for the heresy."

Arthur grabbed the man bringing his blade closer to his throat. "Perhaps I should kill you now and seal my fate." He told him angrily.

Dagonet watched but then looked down at me, putting his hand on my cheek. "Dag…" I said trying to get it out. "They…they tortured me with…with…and…" I said but my agony and pain was overpowering my voice.

"Shhh, everything is going to be alright. I'm here. I've got you." He said and lifted my torso into his arms. I yelled in pain. His face showed the same pain as he looked at me. I was shaking uncontrollably now and my eyes felt heavy. "I was worried about you more than I can say." He told me. "I wanted to find you myself but Tristan had already left."

"He found me." I told him.

"And left you." He replied.

"I was being stubborn." I told him.

"From what I can tell you're always stubborn." He smiled at me.

I laughed and put my head against his chest. He lifted me into his arms as a wagon was brought over for us to be put in. He climbed in with me and placed several furs on top of me to help with the shivering. He helped me get some more water down my throat before he was called from the wagon. I saw Gawain step in with the boy. Then Marius's wife climbed up with Arthur and Guinevere.

I closed my eyes and tried to control my shivering. I had a coughing fit and it took some effort to catch my breath again. I put my hands over my stomach and felt the welts underneath my shirt. I was trying to rest when a warm rag was put over my forehead. I opened my eyes to see Tristan kneeling over me.

"Tristan…" I said weakly.

"Hello." He smiled.

He pulled the furs down just past my waist and lifted up my shirt. He took another rag from a bowl at his side and placed it over the wounds. I yelled in pain. Tristan put his hand in mine, allowing me to squeeze it as hard as I could.

"It hurts." I told him through clenched teeth.

"I know." He said and ran his fingers through my hair. He exchanged the rag and then moved to leave.

"No!" I said grabbing his arm. "Please, don't leave me. I don't want to be alone."

A soft expression flickered across his face. He nodded. "All right." He said and leaned against the back of the wagon. I rolled onto my side, putting my head on his lap. "It's okay. You're safe now." He said gently, kissing the top of my head.

He pulled the furs back over me to keep me warm. I tried not to cry but the tears came. I was so exhausted and the relief of being saved made me more tired than I had ever been and I soon fell asleep.


	8. Recovering

**Disclaimer: Nothing you recognize from the movie King Arthur is not mine. Anything else is thought up from my imagination.**

**A/N: So here is chapter eight. If you get a moment please tell me what you think.**

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* * *

**_**Chapter Eight: Recovering**_

After being rescued Arthur had decided to take the village with us. It took nearly a day to prepare and get everyone ready to travel. All the while the drums of the Saxons were heard, making all the knights' nervous. They wanted to be back at the wall already. None wanted to take these people with us and a lot of me felt like some of them would have left me, Guinevere, and the boy behind as well.

My experiences in the dungeon had left me more mangled and ill than I had thought. I had a cough that seemed to never cease, leaving me breathless most of the time. I tried to sleep but my shaking and coughing left little time for rest. Some of my wounds became infected and in this time it was unlikely that they knew what an antibiotic was or how to use them. The thought left me afraid for myself. I didn't want to die, but if I didn't improve I knew that death wouldn't be far behind.

"How is Paige?" Arthur said coming into the wagon.

Dagonet had been watching over me. I was turned toward the wall but was still awake, listening to them.

"She suffers." Dagonet told him.

"And the girl and boy?"

"The same. I don't know everything that happened to them but they were tortured beyond belief. They are lucky to be alive."

"Do what you can for them." Arthur told him.

I heard Arthur leave and turned onto my back. Dag looked at me and smiled. "Were you listening?" He asked.

"Of course I was." I told him, my voice cracking.

"You seem to be coughing less." Dag said kneeling next to me.

I smiled at him. "Sometimes it's not so bad."

"You're still very warm." He said with his hand on my forehead, his face now showing concern.

"I'm a pretty sick girl." I told him.

"You will get better." He told me determinedly.

"I have no doubts with you watching over me." I smiled.

He turned slightly red as he grinned down at me. He bent and kissed my forehead. He sat with me until I managed to fall asleep.

* * *

I came in and out of consciousness while my body fended off the illness within me. Every time I opened my eyes I saw Dag watching over the others and me. I was grateful to him. I owed him my life. Guin seemed to be doing as well as me, which wasn't saying a lot. Though my cough had improved my other pains had remained the same. I had just woken up from a short rest when I heard the tarp covering the end of the wagon move and someone knelt next to me. I turned expecting to see Dagonet but was surprised when it was someone else. 

"Tristan…" I said looking up at him. He just looked at me. "Ah, I've been meaning to thank you for staying with me the first night."

"You're welcome. I'm sorry I haven't seen you since." He replied.

"You have things to do." I smiled.

"How are you feeling?" He asked.

"I have my moments." I told him just as a coughing fit started. I was slightly embarrassed. "Sorry."

"Don't apologize." He said putting the back of his hand on my forehead. His brows furrowed.

"I'm tough." I told him. "I'll be all right."

His eyes met mine but his expression didn't change. He turned and left the wagon. I was disappointed with his sudden departure but he soon returned with a bowl of steaming water. I smiled at him and he returned it with his own as he sat next to me. He pulled the furs down and slowly exposed my chest, without taking advantage.

"This will help. It's an old remedy." He told me as he rung out a rag and placed in on my chest. A soothing feeling filled my nostrils as warmth flowed through me. "Take deep breaths."

I listened to him and was surprised as to how soothing the feeling was. It made my eyelids heavy. I tried to stay awake but Tristan had his arm around me and was gently caressing my arm making me soon fall asleep.

The sky was dark when I woke up and Tristan was still sitting with me, asleep. I was surprised as to how good I felt. It seemed like my fever may have finally broken. I turned onto my side and put my head in Tristan's lap. He shifted but didn't wake up. I put my hand on his thigh and pulled the furs around me tightly. I fell asleep again, feeling safe and content.

I woke up as Tristan moved me from his lap. I moved myself off of him and the movement made my head spin. I put my hands to my head. I closed my eyes, feeling a bit groggy. I felt Tristan's hand on my face and I looked at him. He seemed to study me, and then a smile crossed his face.

"Thank you." I told him.

"I'll see you soon." He said and left.

I fell asleep again, welcoming it. I hadn't slept so well since being in this strange place. I didn't sleep long. The wagon wasn't as smooth a ride as one might think. I shifted under my sweat soaked furs to see Dagonet looking over the boy and Arthur next to me. He was talking to Guinn. I wasn't sure what they were saying but I heard something crack, she cried in pain, and soon she was unconscious again.

"Is she alright?" I asked him. He quickly turned when he heard my voice and smiled down at me, putting his hand on my face. "Hi you." I grinned.

"We thought you weren't going to make it for a little while." He told me.

"Sorry Arthur, you can't get rid of me that easily." I told him, putting my hand over his.

"Does this mean that you trust us now?" He asked. I smiled. "Good." He said and gently caressed my cheek.

"Is she going to be okay?" I asked him.

"I hope so. You all have a lot of recovering to do." He replied.

"It's a good thing we've got the best care around." I smiled.

He smiled back and was going to say something but the tarp moved and Tristan appeared. I felt my face flush, just a little, and then I felt guilty. My feelings couldn't go past gratitude. I thought quickly of something to say and then the black horse popped into my head.

"Where's Zeus? Did you find him? He pulled away from me and took off."

Arthur grinned down at me. "He is fine. You need to worry about you for now. Leave everyone else to me."

"I'm not built that way. I worry about everyone else before myself." I told him.

"Listen to your commander and rest." Tristan told me. "I'll watch over her for a while."

Arthur nodded and gave me a look before leaving the wagon. Tristan sat next to me. I moved away from him, but he put his arm around me and pulled me close to him. I tensed briefly but I couldn't deny that I didn't want the comfort of a man holding me. I moved against him and put my arm across him. He put his hand on my back and gently caressed it. My wounds from being whipped were sore and when his finger caught one just right I yelled in pain. He quickly moved his hand and I felt his fingers find the base of my shirt and he slowly lifted it up. I felt his body tense. I reached back and moved his hand away. This time he took my hand and looked at it. He quickly took the other and saw the bends in my fingers.

"Paige…" He said.

"It's not as bad as it looks." I told him, taking my hands back.

"No, it's worse." He said, anger rising in his voice.

"I'm okay." I told him.

"No…" He said and got up.

"Tristan…" I called after him.

I listened as he walked away and soon I heard a man yell and a few gasps and screams from people nearby. I waited for him to return but he didn't come back. Once the commotion settled outside the tarp moved and Dagonet came inside. He came up to me and without saying a word he took my hands in his and frowned. He turned me onto my side and lifted up my shirt. He leaned back and sighed deeply.

"I'm fine." I told him.

"That explains why Tristan just ran through one of the soldiers." Dagonet told me.

"What?" I asked angrily. "He killed a man?"

Dagonet nodded. Feliciana, Marius's wife, walked in with a bowl of steaming water. Dagonet had me turn onto my side and he cleaned up the wounds on my back, some making me yell in pain. Dag was as gentle as he could be and while he tended to me he never said a word.

"How's the boy?" I asked, breaking the silence, knowing that he had been taking care of him.

"He's improving." He replied.

"That's good. That's very good." I said and looked at him not too far from my feet.

"Lucan is his name." Dag told me.

"He's lucky to have you looking out for him." I told him. "Just like me." I smiled over my shoulder as he worked. He grinned at me.

I kept as still as possible as I endured his healing. He scrapped the dirt and debris from the trenches the whip left. It hurt like hell but once it was done they already felt better. I stayed on my side. Not wanting to endure the pain lying on my back would cause.

"Now your hands." He told me.

I gave him an uneasy look as I put my hands in his. He gently rubbed the top of them, looking at each one.

"I'm going to have to put them back in place." He told me.

I nodded. "I know."

"I'm sorry." He said sadly.

"Just be a quick as you can." I told him.

He nodded and one by one snapped my fingers back into place. The feeling that rushed through them made up for the pain that came with it. I could move my fingers again, even though it hurt to do so. Dag held me against him as I waited for the pain to die down, my hands shaking heavily. Once the pain had dulled to a tolerable measure he talked with me until he was called away. I watched him leave before slowly rolling partially onto my side, supporting myself on my forearm. The world spun but I ignored it. I built up as much strength as I could and quickly pushed myself up onto my hands and knees. I was up for only seconds before I fell to the side, slamming into the side of the wagon. I yelled in pain, louder than I had wished. The pain took my breath away and I lay there taking shallow breaths to wait out the wave of pain.

"What are you doing?"

I looked at the entrance to the wagon to see Tristan. "Nothing, I'm fine." I told him.

"You don't have to be brave." He told me, kneeling next to me. He gripped my arm, steadying me.

"Don't touch me." I told him as tears filled my eyes. I closed them and the tears fell down my cheeks.

"Let me help you." He told me.

"I…I just…" I said and looked at him. His face softened and he nodded.

"I know." He told me.

"You don't know." I told him shaking my head. "You don't know."

"I know." He told me and gently forced me to lie down.

"I miss him Tristan. I miss him so much." I told him. Tristan just looked at me with a blank look. "I miss him and I trust you. I feel guilty and yet I feel happy." I told him. "I'm so confused. My body is painful and tired. I don't know what I'm going to do." The tears were a steady stream.

Tristan pulled me against him. I held him tight and cried into him. Everything had fallen apart. Even though I was saved I was unable to do anything. I had all this time to lay there and think about everything and in one moment of weakness it took hold of me and got the best of me. Derek, the dungeon, the men…all of it. Tristan laid next to me and pulled me tight against his body. I never expected him to show any weakness to me. Emotion that I didn't think he had in him. But he was more comforting now than anyone had been yet. He didn't say anything. He simply held me and let me cry into him. That is what I needed. I vented to him as I sobbed and he still remained silent and just listened, only responding when it was absolutely necessary. When my tears finally stopped he still held me. He put his fingers through my hair and kissed my forehead. I held tight to him, just wanting to be close to someone. I was so insecure and broken that every moment to the next was a new extreme.

I couldn't have asked more from Tristan, or any of the men. I didn't know them well and yet the more time I spent with them the more I felt like they were old friends. Once I had calmed down I looked Tristan in his eyes.

"Thank you." I whispered.

"You're welcome." He whispered back.

"Who knew you could be so sweet."

"Even I have my moments." He told me. I gave a small laugh. "You're fingers appear to be better." He said taking my hand in his.

"They are." I said, butterflies in my stomach. His touch made me shiver.

"Are you cold?"

"A little." I replied.

He pulled another fur onto me. "Better?"

"Much." I smiled, he returned it. The butterflies flied faster.

"You need to rest. You still have a lot of healing to do." He told me.

"Will you stay with me?" The words were out of my mouth before I had even thought about them. He nodded. "Thank you." I whispered.

"You're welcome." He whispered back.

* * *

When I woke up he was gone. I lifted my torso and supported myself on my forearm. I was waiting for dizziness to take me but it only lasted a few moments and the world righted itself. There was still a slight pounding in my head but that was bearable. I looked at my hands and my fingers already felt better, though they still looked like shit. I pushed myself up and sat there facing the opening of the wagon. I wanted to go to the opening and look around. I was sick of lying there. I got up thinking I could make it but my legs were still weak and pain shot through my body from my wounds. I didn't call out but I sighed and got back under my furs to keep warm, disgusted that I was still bedridden. But I had caught the attention of Lancelot as he stepped into the wagon from his horse. 

"Paige?" He said concerned.

"Hello." I smiled at him.

"Are you alright?" He asked kneeling next to me.

"I'm fine." I told him, putting my hand to my head.

He put his hand to my forehead and then down my face. "You're fever is much lower." He told me. He lifted up my shirt and looked at the scabbing holes. "What did they do to you down there?" He asked.

"You name it, they did it. But I really don't want to relive it quite yet." I told him. He nodded. "How are you doing?" I asked. "I haven't really talked to you much."

He smiled sweetly. "It's a shame really." He said and paused. "I wish we didn't have all of these people with us." He told me honestly. "They're slowing us down. I would have left the girl and the boy." He told me honestly.

"Would you have left me?" I asked.

"Of course not." He said without hesitation.

"Then what's the difference? One or many, you're doing a good thing here. Just think of how these people are grateful for what you're doing for them. You're giving them a chance at life and that's all anyone wants." I told him. "You're a better man than you think."

"I doubt that." He grinned at me.

"You are." I told him.

"Rest." He told me and left the wagon.

I watched him go, thinking better of him, then noticed Guinevere smiling at me. "Hey!" I said quietly. "How are you feeling?" I asked her.

"Better…" She replied. "And you?"

"I'm going to be fine. Lucan is going to be okay too." I told her.

"That's good. He deserves to live."

"Yes he does. He has too much life ahead of him to deserve any of this." I replied. She nodded. "How are your hands?"

"Arthur fixed them for me."

"Dagonet did mine." I told her. "At least we're out of there. That's all that matters."

"I didn't think the day would come." She told me sadly.

"You and me both." I smiled.

Soon Fulcinia came in with food and water. She had to help with the water and I don't think it has ever taken me so long to eat or drink in my life. But once the food was in I could feel the improvement. My body was starting to recover and I was starting to feel like myself again. Moving was still difficult but that would come in time. I did need to rest, and once the food and water was gone I felt extremely tired. Guinn was already asleep as well as Lucan. I watched the two of them for a short while before falling asleep myself.

* * *

When I woke up the sky was dark and Tristan was sitting next to me. He was asleep. I smiled and gently touched his hand. He didn't wake up. I ran my fingers down his. I smiled, lonely for Derek and yet having Tristan so near was comforting. I didn't want to move on as fast as the past few days had seemed to show. The feeling in my stomach when he looked at me. The gentleness of his touch. I wanted it more than I could say. But it was meaningless. My loneliness was making me feel things and want things that I shouldn't. 

I rolled onto my side, facing the wall. I felt Tristan wake but I closed my eyes hoping he would think me asleep. I felt his hand touch my face before he got up and left the wagon. I couldn't sleep and my emotions were so confused. I wanted Tristan to stay with me. I wanted him and the guilt I felt made me sick. I managed to convince myself that the feelings weren't real, that I was just displacing my grief. The thought stayed with me through the night. When the sun came up Fulcinia came in with food and water. They went down easier than before but the amount I managed to get in wasn't enough to sustain me for long. Afterward I laid and rested, wanting my bodily pain to cease. I was antsy and so fed up with lying there that shortly after our nourishment I pulled a fur tightly around me and made my way to the front of the wagon. I sat on the edge and looked around. There was now snow covering the earth as we took the mountain trail. I pulled the fur around me tighter hoping the air would clear my mind. Only a moment later Tristan had rode his horse next to me.

"Hey stranger." I grinned at him.

"Beautiful maiden, may I convince you to take a ride with me?" He grinned back.

I was going to reply when Arthur rode up. "Tristan." Tristan nodded and sent his Hawk into the sky. I glared at Arthur but he just smiled at me. I sighed and leaned against the wagon, the motion of it was calming. I started to hum Avril's song again, unknowingly drawing the attention of the knights.

"What's that you're humming?" Dagonet asked, riding his horse next to me.

"Just a song I like." I smiled at him.

"She sang it for Lucan and me." Guinn said appearing from the back, sitting next to me. "When we were in the dungeon." She told him.

"Did she now?" Gawain said coming up on the other side with Galahad.

"Sing it to us." Galahad told me.

"No, I can't." I told him. "I really can't sing."

"She's right. She can't sing. But the song was comforting." Guinn told them.

"Paige, please sing it to us." Dag said sweetly, tempting me to agree.

"She sings?" Bors said coming up. I shook my head. "Come, sing us a song."

"Bors…" I said and looked at him. "I can't sing. I'm not going to, so just drop it."

"Sing it for me." I looked down the side of the wagon and saw Tristan walking up.

"I thought you had things to do." I replied.

"I finished it. The road is still clear back there." He told me. "Sing the song for me."

I just looked at him. It was embarrassing enough in the dungeon. "No." I told him and went back into the wagon. Guinn followed me and I laid down, wrapping the furs around me.

"I am sorry." Guinn told me.

"It's fine." I told her, closing my eyes.

"I didn't mean anything by it." She said.

"I'm not mad. I'm just not going to sing. I'm not any good at it and I don't usually sign up to embarrass myself." I told her. "I'm just really tired."

"Okay." She said and I heard her leave the wagon.

There was movement in the wagon again. "Guinn, please…" I said but when I looked at the entrance Tristan was there. "What is it?" I asked him.

"I didn't mean to push you." He said coming up to me.

"It's fine. I'm tired and would really like to be alone." I told him.

"You're lying." He replied.

"What?" I asked him frowning.

"You know as well as I that you want me here." He told me with a small smile.

"Are you always this full of yourself?" I asked with a raised brow.

I moved to leave the wagon but he grabbed my arm. "Paige…"

"Don't make me regret trusting you or the other men." I told him.

"Tell me why you are so angry."

"You know why." I told him, pulling my arm from him.

I moved from the wagon and gave a whistle. My black horse trotted into view. I slid onto his back and turned him toward the woods. I leaned low against him as he picked up speed, weaving through the trees. I could hear hooves behind me. Someone was coming after me. I rode him hard and when his breath came fast from his mouth I let him stop and I walked him along the stream we had stopped by. The horse behind us had caught up and I looked behind us to see both Tristan and Dagonet riding up. I took a deep breath and tried to keep my cool.

"Stop." Tristan demanded.

"Paige." Dag said.

I ignored them as I kept Zeus moving.

"Please." I heard Dag say.

I relaxed and Zeus stopped to nibble on a nearby tree. I sighed and turned on the horses back so I could face them.

"I am not a prisoner. I am not one you can command. I am me and I do what I want when I want. Nothing you can do or say will stop me. I stayed willingly this time but I've stayed too long. I'm getting attached and I can't do that. I just lost Derek. I'm not going to dishonor his memory by moving on too fast." I told them. Both of them just looked at me. "I need to find a way home."

"There is no way home." Tristan told me.

"You don't know that." I told him.

"Please, just come back with us. We'll figure it all out then." Dagonet pleaded.

"You'll have to catch me first." I told him and turned Zeus away from them, kicking him forward.

They pursued me as I raced through the trees, turning further and further away from the caravan and deeper into the woods. At one point Tristan pulled up next to me. I looked at him and a small smile crossed his face. It was a game to him. My anger bubbled and I whispered in Zeus's ear to go faster, gently stroking his neck. I heard him nicker softly and felt his muscles tighten as his legs moved faster, pulling ahead of Tristan. We raced through the trees, leaping over logs, climbing small ledges. I was confident that I could pull away and run. But it all disappeared when we rounded a bend and a large embankment appeared. Zeus skidded but the snowy ground made it impossible to stop. We tried to round the corner but Zeus couldn't get good traction on the snow. He fell to the side and I slipped from his back. We both tumbled down the hill. A branch hit my side and pain erupted. I couldn't stop myself and the hill seemed to be never ending. I managed to glance down the hill and the bottom was near. I thought I was finally going to stop when I hit the bottom and instead of stopping I went right through the snow, the ground gave way and I fell, hitting an icy bottom hard. Pain seared through my body. I heard Zeus's cry above me. My vision was blurred as I gasped to get my air back. When my breathing finally normalized I looked up to see a break in the ceiling of wherever I was. There were icicles hanging everywhere and mounds of ice surrounding me. I could hear my name being called in the distance. I was shivering from the cold and the shock from the fall. I saw light at the end of the cave and I quickly made my way toward it. There was a small hole in the ice cave. It was a tight fit by I forced my way out into the sunlight. In the process I cut my side on a shard of ice. I heard Zeus cry and above me I could see his black form running back and forth. I couldn't see Tristan or Dagonet. I looked at the earth and could see the red that I was leaving behind. _Great. _I thought and whistled. Zeus stopped and I could see his ears perk. I whistled again and he came to the edge and quickly made his way down the hill. He moved next to me and his nose moved into my open hands.

"Are you okay?" I asked him.

I gave him a thorough look over. He appeared to be all right.

"Okay, come on." I said and walked away from the danger zone.

I walked adjacent to the slope but I couldn't see a way up no matter how far I walked. It was too steep for the horse and I wasn't sure that even I could make it up the bank. I sighed and wasn't sure what my next move would be. I turned back toward the woods and started walking trough them. I stopped in the first clearing I came to and started to pull branches down from the trees. I tried to start a fire but it wasn't going very well. Zeus was very antsy and it wasn't helping me any. Every time I moved pain was felt that made my breath catch in my throat. I gave up and leaned against a tree. I closed my eyes and relaxed so the pain would dull a little. I didn't remember falling asleep.

* * *

When I woke up I could barely open my eyes. I was shaking uncontrollably. I was still lying in the snow and Zeus was standing over me. I tried to sit up but I was too weak. I rolled to my side, I could see red in the snow and the sun was setting fast. In the distance I could see two figures moving toward me, moving fast. Tristan was the first to dismount and rush over to me. 

"Paige…?" He said putting his hand on my face.

"What took you so long?" I managed to get out with a small smile.

"We didn't want to end up like you." He told me. "That and we ran into a few Saxons' and that slowed us down."

"Is she all right?" Dagonet said behind him.

"She's lost a lot of blood and body heat. We need to get her warmed up." Tristan replied and picked me up in his arms.

"Zeus…" I said looking at my horse.

"I'll take care of him." Dagonet told me and tied rope to the horse.

I could hardly keep my eyes open. I tried to stay awake. Tristan moved me away from the blood soaked snow and put me under some nearby bushes. I watched him dig out an area of the snow and build a fire. The flames were bright and hurt my eyes. I closed them, frowning, but I tried to listen to what was going on. I heard them whispering and then I was being lifted again. I yelled out in pain. I felt the warmth of the flames and then I was being covered. I felt a hand on my face and then I lost consciousness.

* * *

When I woke up I was warmer and I could feel padding around my waist. I opened my eyes to see the night sky above me. I put my hand to my head and soon Tristan was looking down at me. 

"Hi." He said softly. I frowned at him, not replying. "How do you feel?"

"Like I tumbled down a massive hill, fell through the ground into a cave thing, then cut my side open on a piece of ice. Not to mention lying in the cold snow until my body was nearly numb. That's how I feel." I told him.

"Oh good, you remember what happened." Tristan said lightly.

I just looked at him before I smiled. "I remember."

"You had us worried for a while there." Dagonet told me.

"Sorry." I replied. "Did I hear something about Saxons before I passed out? What was all that about?"

"That's what took us so long to find you." Tristan told me.

"I just was starting to get better." I told him. "I'm so stupid." I said shaking my head. "Just when things are starting to get better I find a way to mess it all up."

"You don't see us leaving you behind do you?" Tristan asked.

"You should. Just leave me behind. It'll save you some grief." I replied. Tristan's eyes met my own and the look he gave me made me smile. I nodded at him and his fingers ran down my arm.

"Are you warm enough?" Dagonet asked.

"No, I still feel cold." I replied.

Tristan looked like he was thinking before he pulled the few furs that were covering me back and moved next to me.

"What are you doing?" I asked him.

"Body heat." He replied.

"I don't think that's a good –" I said but he pulled me against him.

My head was on his arm. He was gently playing with my hair. I could feel his breath on my neck. Instead of warming me up goosebumps formed on my skin. I closed my eyes. I was uncomfortable. His arms were strong around me and as much as I wanted to deny it I felt safe in his arms. I relaxed and soon I started to fell warmer.

"Better?" He asked.

"Actually, yes." I replied.

"That was a stupid stunt you pulled." He told me.

"I know." I told him, looking him in the eyes. "I just can't handle all of this."

"You can, you just won't." He replied.

I would have gotten defensive, telling him that he was wrong but he wasn't. He wasn't wrong. I wasn't dealing with any of it. Just wanting to move forward and forget what had happened.

"I know." I finally said.

He looked at me sweetly and gently caressed my face. "Derek wouldn't hate you for wanting to be happy. For wanting to move on. He wouldn't want a woman like you to be alone just because he wasn't here."

"I know." I said again.

"So let yourself feel again. Don't turn to stone."

"I'm trying."

"I know." He replied.

He put his forehead to mine and my hand moved to his face. I hadn't expected anything but his face moved closer and his lips met mine. It was short and sweet and felt better than I was going to admit just yet.

"Now rest." He told me, holding me tighter.

I sighed and closed my eyes. I still felt tired and moments later I was asleep again.


	9. Tragedy

**Disclaimer: Hasn't changed any.**

**A/N: So chapter ten. In your own words how would you say this story is going???**

**

* * *

**_**Chapter Nine: Tragedy**_

Even though the Saxons had put everyone on edge the group dynamic quickly returned to normal as everyone settled back in for the night. Guinn and Arthur were the only ones unaccounted for. Tristan had gone out and brought back a few rabbits that he skinned and made into stew. He handed me a bowl and I gladly ate it. It was the best meal I had had while being here. He had been right about his stew. Very impressive in my book. No one lingered long and soon people were bunking down for the night. The knights and I were the only ones left at the fire.

"Some fight today huh?" Bors smiled at me.

"It wasn't the first Bors." I told him.

"I know. But I still think you need some lessons." He replied.

"I can handle myself just fine." I told him with a raised brow.

"She's good. She doesn't need to be taught any more. She's just tired due to the recent events." Tristan told them. "So back off." He added.

There was the Tristan I knew and loved. I grinned at him before looking at the men. All of them had a look of shock on their face. Soon the men dispersed and Tristan and I were the ones left.

"Thank you." I told him.

"You're welcome." He said and kissed my neck. "We should get some sleep."

"There are other things that would be more fun." I smirked at him.

He grinned and kissed me sweetly. He looked at me and gently ran his fingers through my hair. I grabbed his shirt and pulled him to me, kissing him deeply. He stood up and pulled me into his arms. He lifted me and I wrapped my legs around his waist. He carried me to a small tent that he had put up when the camp was made. He gently laid me down and lowered his body on top of me. His hand gripped my thigh and I moaned just out of anticipation. I pulled at the base of his shirt and he pulled it off. I sat forward and closed my eyes as his fingers unlaced the back of my dress. I smiled as he kissed my chest laying me back down.

The sex was just as amazing as it was the first time…and the second time…not to mention the third. I had to admit that once we started it was hard to stop. The feeling that pulsed through me felt so good. I felt whole for the first time in weeks. The rough, the hard…it was wonderful. I had been gifted with another chance. I wanted this one to go all the way.

* * *

When I woke up I was alone with several furs tucked around me. I found my clothes and put them under the furs with me to warm them up a bit before I felt I could put them back on. I couldn't stop smiling and the furs smelled of Tristan. His scent flooded my senses and I shivered with ecstasy. When I felt awake enough to move around I slowly put my dress on moving under the furs to stay warm as I did so. The only problem was tying the back of the dress. When I had done as good a job as possible, I put my cloak on and pulled a fur around me.

The tent was slightly secluded and I walked past several caravans stopping to help here and there. All the while I was thinking of Tristan. I couldn't stop smiling. This was the happiest I had been since I lost Derek and I couldn't have asked for more. I thought my life was over when Derek died. But now it had begun again and I had the chance to make my life better than before. I wasn't going to pass it up. I had a wonderful man and wonderful friends. My thoughts were disturbed by yelling. I could hear Lucan yelling 'No!' and then was muffled. I ran toward the yelling to see Dagonet being held and beaten by several of Marius's men. I dropped the fur and jumped on one of the men's backs making him stumble. He fell back as I dropped off of him and punched him hard. He turned and backhanded me, splitting my newly healed lip. I countered with two punches before Marius's voice called out.

"I have the boy!" He yelled. We looked at him to see Lucan with a knife to his throat. "Kill them!" He ordered.

"No, don't! Let him go!" Fulcinia yelled trying to help the boy.

Marius hit her to the ground. "Kill them now!" He yelled.

Before anything more could be done an arrow hit Marius. I looked to see Guinevere loading her bow with another arrow. I grinned at her. Marius fell and Lucan ran back to Dag. Dagonet tossed me the dagger he had in his hand and told Lucan to stay down as he pulled out his sword.

"Your hands seem to be better." Lancelot told Guinn.

Guinn shot an arrow at the officers' feet as they took a step toward us. "Artorius!" Bors yelled riding up to the clearing. "Do we have a problem?" He asked the officers'. "Huh?" He said nudging them with his horse.

Arthur looked and pointed his sword at the officers'. "You have a choice. You help or you die." He told them.

The officer in charge told the others to put down their weapons. "Do it now!" He yelled. They obeyed. Arthur looked to Jols and he and a few others collected all of the weapons.

"Yeah!" Dagonet yelled triumphantly.

There was a horse drawing near and Tristan appeared with a Saxon crossbow over his shoulder.

"How many did you kill?" Bors asked.

"Four." Tristan replied.

"Not a bad start to the day." Bors said and laughed.

Tristan dropped the crossbow at Arthur's feet. "Armor-piercing. They're close. We have no time." He told him.

My stomach lurched at the thought. "You ride ahead." Arthur told him.

Tristan looked at him then to me. I smiled at him. He rode up to me and leaned down. I put my hands on his cheeks and kissed him deeply. "Be careful." I told him.

"Love you." He whispered and then rode off down the trail.

I watched him disappear and then looked at the ground, a nervous pain in my stomach. I looked up to see Arthur's eyes on me. I looked at him and smiled. He smiled back before he headed off.

"Thanks for this." I said and gave Dag his dagger back.

"You keep it." He told me. "You need something in case trouble should find you."

"Thank you." I told him.

"Are you well?" He asked concerned, stopping from loading up his things.

"Yeah, just worried is all." I told him.

"Everything will work out." He said cradling my head in his hands.

"I kinda love you. You know that?" I grinned at him. "You are a wonderful friend."

"I love you too." He said and kissed my forehead.

"Milady…?" A woman said to me. I turned to her. "Here are your garments." She said and gave me my mended clothes.

"Thank you so much." I told her.

She curtsied and walked away from me. I quickly found a secluded spot and changed into my more comfortable clothes. I found a bag and stuffed everything into it. Soon I was ready to leave. The only thing left to get was my horse. I walked to where the horses' were and saw Lancelot putting the saddle on his horse.

"Hey." I said walking up to him.

"This isn't right." He told me.

"What do you mean?" I asked pulling my cloak around me.

"The Saxons are on our tail and we are just leaving with all of these people. If we had left them behind we would be at Hadrian's Wall by now." He told me, his eyes shut.

"Hey." I said and put my hand on his cheek. "Look at me." He did as he was told. "Don't go trying to put the blame on any of these people or yourself. You can't control everything. The Saxons would have come with or without these people with us, and once they caught up we'd have left these people to die and not have changed anything. These people will always remember the Sarmatian Knights' who rescued them, giving them a chance to fight for their survival. I am alive today because of you. You see only what's directly in front of you. This is so much bigger than us. It's about them and changing the way things are. Arthur may do things that seem crazy to you but do you ever stop and think of why he's doing it? He has a pure heart and he sees more than anyone. Trust his judgment, for he has yet to lead us astray." I told him.

Lancelot just looked at me before he grinned at me. "You're too good to be true."

"I assure you that I'm not. Just a girl who sees things too." I told him and kissed his forehead. "Now," I said changing my mood, "have you seen my horse?"

"Yeah, he's over there." He told me pointing away from the group of horses'.

I looked over to see Zeus separated from the others. I smiled and walked over to him. When he saw me his head jerked up and his ears turned toward me. "Hey beautiful boy." I smiled and he neighed happily and bobbed his head up and down. I grinned as I reached him and ran my hand down his neck with my other on his forehead. He nickered softly and put his head against me. "I missed you too." I told him and kissed his nose. I tacked him up and mounted him, happy to be back in a saddle rather than in the wagon. I rode to where the caravan was finishing the final loads and then we were off again. Tristan hadn't returned yet and my stomach jerked every time I heard horse's hooves and it wasn't him. Dag seemed to sense my anguish of not knowing what was going on. He rode up next to me and smiled at me, winking. I grinned at him and shook my head. My smile quickly faded and I looked at him.

"It scares me to death not knowing what he's run into. I know he's experienced and that I'm worried for nothing but the Saxons are closing in on us." I told him. "Who knows what's ahead and he hasn't returned yet."

Dag's smile was still on his face. "He's just being thorough." He told me. "You do not need to fear for Tristan. He knows what he's doing."

I sighed. "I know." I said and smiled at him.

Not ten minutes later there was a horse nearing the caravan and Tristan came into view. My heart leapt and I took a deep breath, relieved. He stopped next to me and put his hand on my cheek.

"Where the hell have you been?" I frowned.

"Scouting our way." He replied.

"You were gone too long." I told him.

He just grinned and kissed me. "I have to report to Arthur. I'll be right back." He said and rode off.

"I told you." Dag grinned at me.

"Yes you did. I'll never doubt you again." I grinned back.

Tristan rode back and walked his horse next to mine. "Was this there earlier?" He asked putting a hand on my lip.

"Yeah, one of the officers did it while I was trying to help Dag." I replied.

"I didn't notice it before. Which one was it?" He asked.

"Why, you gonna kill him?" I joked.

"Yeah." He told me.

I laughed but noticed the seriousness in his eyes. "You're serious aren't you? No, Tristan, don't kill him." I ordered. "It's taken care of. Marius is dead and Arthur controls his men. I'm fine, so keep your hands clean of their blood."

"For now." He smiled. I shook my head at him. "Come here." He said softly.

I wrapped a piece of rein to Tristan's saddle horn and slipped into the front of his saddle, facing him. He stopped his horse until a wagon passed us and we were somewhat secluded. He put his hands through my hair and kissed me deeply. _I could do this all day._ I thought as his tongue brushed mine. He laid several small tender kisses on my lips then put our foreheads together.

"You're afraid, I can tell." I told him.

"Only for you." He whispered and took a deep breath. "They are close. I don't know if we'll make it to the wall before they reach us." He replied.

"Than teach me to fight so I can stay with you." I told him. "I know how but I'm not good enough. I know that. So teach me."

"There isn't time." He told me.

"There isn't time? Than use what time we have left to teach me. Even if we do run into them I'm not leaving you. There is no way in hell I would ever leave you." I told him. He didn't say anything. "If you won't, Dag will." I told him.

He sighed. "There is a clearing up ahead."

I moved back onto Zeus's saddle and we headed to the front of the caravan. I looked at Dag and he followed us. We galloped past the front of the group and far down the path. There was a clearing to the side and Tristan dismounted. I followed his lead and soon Dag was there with us.

"Tristan, teach me how to shoot a bow and Dag will help you teach me the sword." I told him.

"What?" Dagonet said.

"I need to be able to fight. You need to teach me now." I told him. He didn't fight me on it.

Tristan took out his bow and arrows. He taught me the stance and demonstrated how to shoot. I mimicked his actions and the first arrow I shot was only a few inches off of my target. After a half dozen arrows I was able to hit the mark.

"She's a natural." Dag grinned.

"If I shoot in the general direction I figure I'll hit one of them." I told him.

"That's true." Tristan said.

"Now the sword. Basics only. I think I can come up with something if you can show me how to move with it." I told them.

Tristan and Dagonet demonstrated the basic moves to sword fighting that I would need to know. Both of them were very adamant about me not being in any battle. I told them that they didn't have a say in the matter so they should concentrate on the task at hand. I tried several times to try and mimic their movements but I found working with a sword more taxing then the bow. By the time the caravan had caught up to us I was still fumbling, knowing that I wouldn't be able to win a battle if I ever needed to. I kept trying until the caravan was nearly passed us when Tristan and Dag finally forced me to stop. I wanted to know how to fight. I had their movements dancing in my head memorizing them. Praying that I could call upon them and hopefully instruct my body to do the same as what was in my head. We rode up to the front with the other knights'. I went through my range of motion with my right arm, already sore from my efforts. Tristan just took my hand and kissed it. I smiled at him. Thanking him for helping me. He kissed my lips and let go as the other knights' watched us.

* * *

We came to a lake that covered the ground before us. There was mountain on either side with no path leading around the water.

"Is there any other way?" Arthur asked Tristan.

"No. We have to cross the ice." He replied.

A feeling of dread seeped into me again. My greatest fear was ahead of us and now I had to face it without letting on that I was terrified. Drowning is not a good way to die.

"Get them out of the carriages. Tell them to spread out." Arthur ordered.

Soon everyone able was out of the carriages and spread out along the ice. The knights' and I were in front of the line, leading our horses'. I was between Tristan and Arthur as we made our way. The ice groaned under the weight. There was a cracking noise and Tristan protected his horse as he stopped him from taking another step. My breath caught in my throat but nothing else happened. He gave me a reassuring smile and took my hand as we continued on. Soon we could hear the Saxon drums behind us, getting stronger with every minute.

Arthur turned his horse around and faced his men. "Knights…"

"Well, I'm tired of running." Bors told him. "And these Saxons are so close behind my ass is hurtin'."

"Never liked looking over my shoulder anyway." Tristan added.

"Be a pleasure to put an end to this racket." Gawain added next.

"And finally get a look at the bastards." Galahad finished.

Dagonet started to turn his horse around, smiling. "Here. Now." He said looking at Arthur.

I looked at them all and felt like I was going to vomit. Arthur looked at Lancelot who shrugged. "Jols!" Arthur said.

"You two take the horses'." Jols ordered and started to take weapons and such from horses' and placing them by each knight. Arthur took Ganis, a villager, aside and was giving him instructions.

I took a deep breath and turned to Tristan. "Here we go." I told him.

"You go with the others." He told me.

"I've already told you. I'm not leaving you. No matter what you say or how angry I make you." I told him.

"No." Tristan said with concern, his eyes pleading with mine to leave.

"I can shoot a bow. I am not leaving you." I told him flatly.

"You're seven against two-hundred." I heard Ganis say.

"Eight." Guinevere told him. "You could use another bow."

"Nine." I told Arthur. "Another one can't hurt."

I led Zeus to one of the men who were taking the horses and took a bow. Jols laid arrows next to each of us. The knights with their swords next to them. I had the dagger in a makeshift cargo pocket on my pant leg. I loaded an arrow into the bow and looked at Tristan. The pain on his face was almost too much to bear, but I would not give in. I couldn't leave him here only to wait for him to return when he may not. The Saxons drums grew louder and they slowly came into view. Tristan lowered his bow and put one hand on my head and kissed me passionately. I lowered my own and put my hand through his hair kissing him again hard and deep. I took a deep breath and kissed him once more before raising my bow again. I felt his eyes on me for a moment more before he looked ahead again. The Saxons stopped and one of their archers came forward and shot one toward us but it barely made it half way before it skid across the ice.

"There's a large number of lonely men out there." Lancelot told Guinn.

"Don't worry, I won't let them rape you." She told him. I grinned at her.

"I believe they're waiting for an invitation. Bors, Tristan." Arthur told them.

"They're far out of range." Guinevere told him.

Arthur just smiled as Tristan shot three arrows from his bow as Bors shot his one. The arrows sailed through the sky and hit the Saxon men. Arthur smiled back at Guinn. I smiled myself at the impressive shots.

"Aim for the wings of the ranks. Make them cluster." Arthur ordered.

I followed suit as everyone shot arrows, hitting the wingmen. The Saxons started to cluster and you could hear the ice starting to crack. There was yelling from the Saxons as their leader tried to keep them in ranks with little success.

"It's not going to break." Arthur said with his hand on the ice. "Fall back! Prepare for combat." He ordered stepping backward.

My stomach turned as I pulled the dagger from my leg. The knights' had their swords in hand as we waited for them to reach us. I was going through things in my head when Dag picked up his axe and let out a cry before running out onto the ice.

"Dag!" Bors yelled.

"Dagonet!" I screamed.

"Cover him!" Arthur ordered.

I could see the archers from the Saxons move forward and arrows were being shot. I put the dagger back in its place and ran out onto the ice. I could hear my name being called, but I couldn't stand there and watch Dag die. I had to pull him back.

"Dagonet!" I yelled. I saw an arrow hit him and he fell. "Dag!" I yelled. I could hear Bors yelling his name as well as I ran as fast as I could to help my dear friend. "Come on!" I yelled as I reached him. He pushed me and continued to break the ice. More arrows hit him. He started to fall, I could see the blood from his mouth. "Oh god." I said and moved in front of him. I was supporting him, trying to get him away from the water when my left shoulder seared with pain and I looked to see the tip of an arrow sticking through it. My arm immediately went weak and Dag fell against me. I tried to support him but we both fell into the freezing cold water. I tried to make it back to the surface but it was no use. I held tight to Dagonet as we slowly started to sink. Then I saw an arm and Dag was pulled out of the water. I broke the surface and looked at Arthur. "Get him back!" I yelled at him. I saw Bors start to run out to them. Arthur did as he was told as I pulled myself out of the water. My arm hurt like hell but it was still usable. "Go!" I yelled to Arthur. I was out of the water and making my way back to the others, stumbling as arrows sailed past me. I felt the ice start to give and several times my legs went through and I had to try and pull myself back out. Tristan was helping Bors and Arthur pull Dagonet when he looked back at me. I had fallen through the ice again only this time I didn't have the strength to pull myself out. He quickly started to run out to me. "No!" I yelled. "Just get out of here! Tristan! NO!" I screamed but he would not listen to me. I couldn't hold on any longer and I slipped back into the water. I sank faster this time, my clothes weighing me down. My lungs were starting to sear with pain. I need air but if I inhaled now I would die. I was just about to give up when I was grasped. I saw Tristan's face as I broke the surface and the terror in his eyes was like nothing I had ever seen before. I gasped for air, the little water I had taken in escaping my lungs. He pulled me out and for a moment I laid on the ice trying to catch my breath. Tristan pulled me to my feet and we headed toward the men. I was shaking and I could feel my body start to shut down from the shock and cold. "Tristan…" I said as everything started to go black. The last thing I saw was him pulling me against his body.


	10. Watching and Waiting

**Disclaimer: You know what's mine and what's not.**

**

* * *

**_**Chapter Ten: Watching and Waiting**_

Bors sat separate from the rest of the knights'. Dirt and blood still covering his body, his muscles twitching from the effort to hold on to his emotions. He was looking down at Dagonet's dead body. There was a large blanket folded in his hands, waiting to be used. Bors's eyes were distant and red, his cheeks still wet from the tears. His closest friend, his brother, was dead. Life would not be the same without him.

The other knights' sat around a fire, no words being spoken. Near the flames lay the woman who had tried to save their friend. Her shaking uncontrollable, her cries in her sleep loud and painful. Tristan sitting with her, trying to keep her warm, trying to keep himself together when all any of them wanted to do was fall apart. Tears could be seen in all of their eyes as the days events sunk in. Galahad shaking slightly himself, trying to face it like a man. Dag's death was a hard blow and Paige's illness and bravery a realization none wanted to face. Tristan had tried to make her leave but no one else. Non of them tried to help him convince her that she shouldn't have been there. She had tried so hard to save Dagonet. So hard and now her life was at risk because of it. How was any of them going to tell her that he was dead? Who would break her by telling her that he was gone?

"It's not right." Galahad said breaking the silence

"It never is." Gawain replied.

"How is she?" Guinn asked kneeling next to Tristan. He shook his head. "She'll pull out of it. She's strong. Stronger than me anyway."

"Stronger than all of us." Galahad told her. "Not many would do what she did."

"She's unique." Guinn smiled at her unconscious friend. "But she'll get better. She has plenty of things to live for." She said putting a hand on Tristan's arm.

A long pause settled amongst them. "How do you think she'll react?" Galahad asked breaking it.

"Not well." Gawain replied.

"She's going to be broken." Guinn added.

"But she'll accept it and move on." Arthur said joining the group. "She will be broken but she will pay her respects and move on. She is stronger than me. She ran after him without thinking of what would happen. I ran out once he was hit."

"She cares too deeply." Gawain said. "She taught us to care. More than before anyway." His voice trailing off.

"She doesn't deserve this." Bors said coming into view. "She doesn't deserve this!" He yelled, starting to pace. "All she wanted to do was help and now she may die because of it! She wanted to save him." He said a little calmer. "If he hadn't been so stubborn she would have pulled him back. She tried to save him but he thought he knew what he was doing. It worked but it cost him his life." He said looking at his friends. "And now look at her. I'll never forgive myself if she dies too." He said and retreated back to Dagonet's limp form.

Tristan's eyes stung with tears and he closed them quickly. He too would never forgive himself if she died. He would not be able to bear it. He would sooner kill himself if he could not have her with him in life. Now the tears were even stronger in his eyes. Not wanting such a weakness seen by the men or by Guinevere. He lowered his head and kissed Paige's forehead. Something he'd done before but now it seemed so much more important. He caressed her face and prayed that she would look at him. Her grey eyes enchanted him and if there was one thing he'd wish to see again it was those eyes looking up at him. The feeling of her lips against his, her smell…seeing her this way was torture. He stood and quickly went to his horse, mounting him and riding through the trees. He needed to clear his mind, get himself in check. He didn't want to leave her side but sitting there just watching and waiting for her to wake up…or to die…was too much to take.


	11. You Can't Change The Unknown

**Disclaimer: The usual**

**A/N: I hope everyone is enjoying the story. Here's the next chapter.**

* * *

_**Chapter Eleven: You Can't Change the Unknown**_

Tristan returned when the camp had settled in for the night. He walked to where Paige lay and saw that she hadn't moved since he had left. He knelt next to her, turning her from her side into his arms. He pulled her against him, placing a kiss on her forehead. The others were around him but he didn't care. He needed to be close to her in hopes that she knew he was there. Her body was still cold against him. Her hand was lying on his chest and twice it moved. Even though he knew it was involuntary it was enough to give him hope that she would pull through this. He laid her back on the ground and moved under the furs with her. Pulling her against him, warming her the best way he knew how.

* * *

A pain rose in my chest. I was only slightly aware but the pain grew worse and my eyes shot open. I was gasping for air. I couldn't get a breath in and panic started to set in with the pain in my chest. I couldn't focus on the person over me. The sky was dark and my only thought was to breathe. I was forced into a sitting position and force was put on my back trying to get me to breathe. I hand my hand on my chest and as my breathing normalized a hand moved over my own. Once I caught my breath I leaned back into who was holding me and closed my eyes. I was unconscious before I had time to think.

* * *

"How is she doing?" Arthur asked Tristan. 

"I don't know." He replied still holding Paige. "She's still breathing."

Arthur gave him a concerned look. Tristan shook his head and Arthur turned away from him. Tristan closed his eyes, burying his face in her hair. He breathed her in.

"You have to wake up. Please wake up." He whispered to her.

* * *

I shot awake and looked around me frantically. I was facing a fire but my body was shaking everywhere. I had trouble swallowing. I couldn't see anyone through the dark and I was alone under my furs. I started to sob, the tears coming hot and fast, gasping for air after every sob. A moment later there were arms around me and I could hear Tristan's voice in my ear. My sobbing slowed and I took deep breaths as he rocked me back and forth. I leaned into him. 

"It's okay. Everything is going to be okay." He whispered into my ear.

"Tristan…" I managed to get out.

"I'm here. I'm not leaving you." He said and kissed my neck.

I could hear the quiver in his voice but I couldn't do anything for him. My throat felt tight and I had a hard time breathing.

"Tristan…" I managed to whisper before falling unconscious again.

* * *

The next time I woke up my shaking had nearly all but subsided. I still felt cold but I found another fur on top of me. The fire had died and the sun was starting to rise. 

"How is she?" I heard Arthur say. There was no reply. "Everything is going to be alright." He told whoever it was that he was talking to.

I could hear horses' coming and going but I just lay there, too tired and weak to open my eyes. I felt like I couldn't move my throat and mouth so dry that my swallowing hadn't improved any. I drifted in and out my mind showing me images too fast to distinguish.

* * *

The sky was dark again when I woke up, a fire blazing next to me. I felt arms around me. I turned and came face to face with Tristan. He was asleep. I closed my eyes putting my hand on his face. Tears fell as I wrapped my head around what I remembered. I opened my eyes and ran my fingers through his hair. He looked so tired. The camp was quiet and I rolled over, putting my hand to my head. I swallowed and the dryness was greatly reduced. I assumed someone gave me water while I was asleep. I slowly sat up and realized that I was only in my underwear. I looked around me and saw my clothes hanging from a tree. I moved my right arm and pain coursed through it. I tightened my jaw until it dulled, standing up and retrieving my clothes. I put them on and looked at the knights' around the fire. None of them moved. I looked at Tristan and smiled. I truly loved that man. My mind moved to Dagonet. I needed to know it he was alright. My mind was telling me the worst, after seeing the blood on his lips I knew that the arrows had hit some of his organs but I didn't think it was bad enough to kill him. He's Dagonet after all. 

"Dag…" I whispered slowly moving around the camp. "Dagonet…"

I moved from fire to fire hoping to find him with a healer of some kind. The knights' were split up around the camp and I had seen all but Bors and Dag. I came to the final fire, secluded from the rest, and saw Bors lying next to someone covered up. A horrible pit fell in my stomach. I hurried around Bors and pulled the thin blanket down to reveal Dagonet.

"Dag…" I said and put my hands on his face. By firelight I could see his eyes were only half-lidded and no breath moved passed his lips. "Dag!" I yelled. "No! Dagonet! Wake up!" I said shaking him. "Dagonet, look at me. Don't do this. You _can't _do this to me." I said as tears came streaming down my face. "Dag…NO!" I yelled despairingly. The next thing I knew Bors's arms were around me.

"Paige!" He said and tried to pull me away.

"NO! Bors let me go!" I yelled and fell back on Dag's body, holding him tight. "Dag…" I said and put my hands on his head. "Please Dag, just wake up. I want to see the light in your eyes. Your gentle smile and touch. Dag you need to come back to me. You've become such a good friend and I need that." I said and laid my head on his chest and cried.

I felt Bors's hand on my back. He gently picked me up into his arms and sat on a nearby log, holding me tight. I put my arms around his neck and cried, trying to stifle them in his shirt. He rocked me gently, whispering in my ear that it was okay. I just cried harder at his words and moments later I heard his voice quiver and he buried his face against me.

* * *

I once again had cried myself to sleep. I woke up in Bors's arms. I looked over to see Dagonet's body once again covered up. Only all the knights' were around me now, except I didn't see Tristan. I stared at the body only instead of sadness I felt anger. I got up and walked away from the group. I walked into the woods until out of site from the men and starting running, as fast as I could. Once I had to stop to catch my breath I started to pace, pain creeping into my arm. When my breath was back I stopped and yelled as loud and as long as I could before dropping to my knees. I took deep breaths, but tears still managed to sneak in. I pushed them away and stood up. I turned to go back to the camp when I heard a horse approaching. I hid behind a tree until they came into view. 

"Thank God." I said as I came out.

"Paige…" Tristan said dropping from his horse before it had stopped. We ran to each other. I threw my arms around his neck and hugged him as tight as I could. "I was so afraid for you." He told me.

"I'm okay." I said and dropped back to the ground. "Are you okay?" I asked.

"Yes." He said nodding.

"I'm sorry. I just needed to get away and…" I stopped as he put his fingers to my lips. "Shut up." He said. I grinned at him before kissing him hard. He put his arms through my hair and kissed me tenderly. "I love you." He told me.

"Not even close as to how much I love you. If anything were to ever happen to you…" I said and stopped not being able to finish.

"Than I'd die happy. Knowing that I earned the love of the most wonderful woman in the world." He said and kissed me passionately, our tongues touching.

The next thing I knew I was against the tree and then in the snow. I may have been weak and still under the weather but his touch made me feel rejuvenated.

* * *

"Paige…" Gawain said rushing to me when we returned to the camp. 

"I'm okay." I smiled at him as he embraced me.

All of the knights' took a turn in hugging me. Arthur being the last but after a moment of just looking at me he embraced me tenderly and placed a kiss on my forehead. It was all done in a very sympathetic way and I couldn't take it more than once. After everyone got back to the packing of the camp Tristan tied Zeus to his saddle horn and put me in his saddle with him. He held me tight as we continued on our way back to Hadrian's Wall. I rode most of the way in Tristan's saddle. He managed to make me smile a few times, lightening the mood. But the whole thing was almost like a dream. Everyone was grieving over Dagonet and we all were to endure his funeral once we returned. It was going to be one of the hardest moments of my life, putting that man in the ground. The second in one month. The only thing that remained good about it was that I had Tristan.

* * *

Finally the wall came into view and when we walked through the great doors I couldn't help but feel at home. It was the best homecoming I had ever been too. People so happy to see us even though none of us were worried about seeing any of them. 

When we were back at the barn, Bors dismounted and was looking so heartbroken that I couldn't stand it. Everyone looked as if they were going to fall over and I was no different. Tristan helped me from Zeus's back and he was tended to. I had my arms on Tristan's and was looking up at him when there was commotion.

"Lucan!" Guinevere yelled.

"You, boy, stop!" An officer yelled and followed him.

Galahad stopped the man with his blade as he shook with anger and despair. I watched as Lucan ran to Dagonet, who was laid across his horse, and took the ring from the gentle man's finger. He had tears in his eyes. I felt for him as my own tears returned. I looked away and took a deep breath. Tristan wiped the tears away and lifted my chin so I looked at him. He kissed me lightly before we turned to Arthur, who was face to face with Germanius.

"Bishop Germanius. Friend of my father." He said and walked away.

An officer had their papers opened in a box. Lancelot moved forward and took all of the papers it contained and handed them to his friends. When he got to Bors it was as if he couldn't hear him. Bors was so distant…

"Bors. Bors! For Dagonet." He said handing him two rolls of parchment.

Bors took them and then his body started to shake. "This doesn't make him a free man." He said. "He's already a free man. He's dead!" He said and threw the papers at Germanius's feet before walking away.

I started to shake as I tried to hold in my emotions. Tristan kissed my hair before taking my hand, leading me away from the barn. He led me to his room. He took his grimy shirt off and rubbed his face with his hands. I put my hands on his chest and kissed it tenderly. He put his hands on my arms before cradling my head in them and kissed me sweetly. He led me to the bed and I laid on my stomach. He fell backward sighing. Things were going to be different now. They were all free and would go their separate ways. Tonight could be the last time we all would be truly together. I looked over at Tristan and he smiled at me before he caressed my face with the back of his fingers. I smiled at him, leaning over and kissed him affectionately. A moment later he closed his eyes and fell asleep. I smiled and kissed his lips once more before slowly getting off of the bed. I slipped from his room in need of a little time alone. Time to get myself together. Sort through my thoughts and feelings. I loved Tristan but I missed Dagonet. We were to bury Dag today yet and I needed to try and get my emotions in check so I could make it through it. At the same time I wanted to be with Tristan, feeling happy to be with him. I was wandering the halls when I ran into Guinevere.

"Paige…" She said getting my attention.

"Guinn!" I said and hugged her. "How are you? I haven't talked to you in a while."

"I am more concerned for you." She said. "May I walk with you?"

"Yeah, I'd like that." I told her.

I bared my soul to her, happy to have her here, another female to talk to. I told her everything without any hesitation, it felt good to vent and she stayed silent listening to me. When I was done my eyes were red and my voice hoarse. She put an arm around me as I rubbed my face and put my hands through my hair.

"I care so much for him and now he's dead." I told her. "I just can't wrap my head around this. I could have done more. I could have done more for him but I didn't. I've lost so much."

"You didn't know what was going to happen." She told me comfortingly. "There was nothing more you could do. You did everything in your power. You can't change what you don't know." She said sadly.

I nodded. "You're right. You can't change the unknown. No matter how much you want to."

* * *

When I returned to Tristan he had a shirt back on and was watching his maid fill the bathing tub. 

"There you are." He said greeting me with his affections.

I leaned into him so happy to be in his arms. If I thought I was upset now, I didn't want to think of how I'd be if I ever lost Tristan. It would be a blow I would never recover from.

"Is everything okay?" He asked as he kissed my neck.

I let him go. "It will be." I smiled and kissed him gently.

He smiled then kissed me harder, and harder, until he lifted me into his arms. I put my arms around his neck and wrapped my legs around his middle, kissing him all the while. The maid left quickly and Tristan walked to the door, dropping the lock before walking to the bed. I had a simple dress on and he quickly got me out of it. His clothes were off moments later and our passion for each other rang through the halls as we made love.

Afterward I felt renewed as I lay in his arms. We forced ourselves to get out of bed. We cleaned each other up before we were to go to the cemetery. Whatever bliss we felt earlier was gone as we stood with the other knights'. The mound of dirt already on top of Dagonet, his sword in the ground as a cross with a bowl of flames in front of it. In trying to be strong like Guinn who didn't shed a tear I hid my face in Tristan's shirt as we all stood there. Tristan handed Gawain the box that he had taken from the officers with Dagonet's papers in it, telling him he was a free man. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, sending more tears down my cheeks. Gawain put the box on Dag's grave.

"Goodbye, old friend." He said sadly. "We'll be along soon."

After that Arthur was the first to leave. The rest of us stayed and grieved a moment more before following suit. Bors was the only one left as I said my goodbyes to my cherished friend. Without saying anything I put my hand on Bors's arm. He looked at me, holding a jug of ale. I put my arms around him, hugging him tight. He hugged me back and smiled at me. I kissed his forehead before turning and taking Tristan's hand as we left the cemetery.


	12. Greiving

_**Chapter Twelve: Grieving**_

Nearly two weeks had passed since we had returned to Hadrian's Wall. Nearly two weeks since we buried a friend. It had been hard on me, trying to deal with Dag's death. Even though tears had fallen it was clear that I still had repressed feelings that I hadn't let out yet. It was this that made me throw myself into action, convincing Tristan to continue to teach me to fight. My shoulder was still slightly weak but the workouts helped bring it back to full function. I practiced the bow and when that started to bore me I turned to the sword. It took me five days to get down the moves and another two until I was completely comfortable with the feel and movements. On the seventh and last day of my training I bested Tristan, to my great surprise and enjoyment. I knew then that I was able to fight and felt much more confident that the next time a battle broke out I would be able to defend my men. That knowledge helped dull the guilt I felt after loosing Dagonet. No matter what anyone said and the numerous times they told me that it wasn't my fault I felt responsible for Dag and what happened. It was a flaw, but I didn't foresee it changing.

Things had gone back to as normal a life as possible. Smiles and games resumed but moments of silence still hung in the air ever so often. Everyone was concerned for Bors, but even he was trying to move on with his life. Dwelling on the past never got anyone anywhere. It hurt more to dwell even though the smiles and joking felt wrong and sometimes forced, though everyone knew that with time the pain would die and only the good memories would live on in the remaining knights' and the people Dag touched when he was alive.

Tristan and I became inseparable. We were never seen without the other and that was the way we liked it. As long as I had Tristan with me life had purpose and his comfort and understanding of me was more than I had expected it to be. We hadn't known each other long but I knew more about him than I ever did about Derek. There was a far greater connection between Tristan and me than I have ever seen in another couple. I was in heaven.

* * *

I woke up to a gentle kiss on my shoulder and the sun shining through the window. I rolled onto my back and was met with a light kiss on my lips. I smiled and grinned up at Tristan.

"Good morning." He smiled down at me.

"Good morning." I replied and caressed his face.

"How are you feeling?" He asked.

"I feel wonderful." I smiled and kissed him. "Getting better every day."

"I know you've been struggling with what's happened." He told me.

"I have but I'm getting better, I promise you. Everything will go back to normal. As normal as normal can be right now. Just bear with me for a little while longer." I replied and kissed him.

"Of course." He said and kissed me but I sensed something in his voice.

"Are you upset with me?" I asked him. He didn't say anything. "Answer me Tristan."

He sighed and rolled away from me. He got up and put pants on and paced the floor. I watched him for a moment before pulling a fur around me and getting up. I fetched a simple, pale purple gown, and put it on. I turned to him and crossed my arms.

"Tristan, what is bothering you?" I asked.

"I had hoped we'd be happier. You say you're happy and most of the time I believe it but there are these moments when I can see through you and know you're lying. I am free to live my life with you and it's as if you are grieving the man you loved instead of a friend." He told me calmly.

I gawked at him. "Tristan…I…don't know what to say to you." A twinge of anger rising to the surface. "Dagonet was not only a close friend of mine but of yours as well. I did love him, and you know that, but if you think I'm bad now than don't you dare go anywhere because I would not survive it. I am dealing the best I can. I have lost someone I cared deeply about and the only reason I'm making it through this is because of you. You are the man I am in love with. I would never do anything to hurt you. No other man will have more of me than you. You are my lover and my best friend. Why are you threatened by a man who is dead?" I asked him. He didn't say anything, only stared at me. "Huh? Why?" I said tears in my eyes. "I have been put through more than I ever thought I would. I have nearly died twice and have seen people die around me. This is not just about Dagonet; this is also me trying to deal with everything else. I have managed to keep everything bottled up inside of me. I have done a good job of it but I can't anymore. Dag was the last straw and I've been trying to pull myself back together ever since. Being with you helps that. I am whole when I'm with you and that makes everything okay. Being with you makes me think that I can come back from all of the pain. You said that you would be there for me and you have been. All I ask is for you wait this out. I am a woman and I have woman emotions. You are a man and not only are your emotions different but yours more than most. What you have seen and done has, in a way, hardened you. I'm sorry if that offends you but it's true. So…" I said then threw up my arms. "Whatever, I have to go." I told him and left.

I rushed through the corridors and out to the stables, ignoring the calls from the knights' I passed along the way. I went to Zeus's pen and opened the gate. I pulled myself onto his back and kicked his sides, pushing him quickly into a run, urging him to go as fast as possible. I went through the nearby field and into the woods. The trees were far enough apart that the run was easy. I pushed Zeus until his breathing was rough. I stopped and quickly slid from his back, pacing between the trees. Tears were in my eyes as I took deep breaths, trying to calm myself. _This is ridiculous. _I thought and took another deep breath.

"Please, please just stop." I said to my tears.

It was getting to the point where I wasn't sure what was going on. The feelings that were inside of me, the memories of things that had happened since I came to be here. It felt like something was pressing down on my chest and I just couldn't lift it off. The tears were coming more often these days and even though I was happy, and the only thing I wanted was to be with Tristan everything else seemed wrong. Everything else seemed to be going by in a daze. I stayed away from the other knights' not wanting to be seen. There was a feeling inside of me that refused to budge and I didn't know how to make it go away. The tears weren't helping and the anger I thought I had worked out of me while learning the sword didn't touch the feeling and I was out of ideas. I was going through the motions but nothing seemed real anymore. I felt like I was in a dream and that all of this wasn't real. Something was going on and I just couldn't put my finger on it. I sat against a tree and looked at Zeus. He was looking at me as he slowly grazed around me. I took a few more deep breaths and the tears were gone.

"I think I have to go see Dag. I'm repressing something and I don't know how to make it go away. I need to talk to him. Maybe it is him. Maybe I haven't grieved him enough. Just maybe…" I told Zeus. He nickered and walked over to me.

I climbed up onto his back and turned him back the way we came. The trip back was at a more leisurely pace as I thought of what would fix me.

I thought that all of the tears I shed were all for Dag, that I had done my grieving, but when I stopped Zeus at the cemetery I realized that I hadn't grieved at all. The tears were just tears and I had fooled myself in thinking that I could get off easy. I walked to Dagonet's grave and knelt down. The wind had picked up, my hair blowing as I stared at the box.

"I don't know what to do." I said, the tears coming fast and hot. I started to sob as I looked at his sword. I put my head in my hands. "I don't know what to do. I just don't…" I told him looked up again. "Everything is so screwed up. My body is tired, my mind is tired and I thought I could handle this. I thought that I could live without you and that everything would be okay. I have Tristan and he is all that I really need but I keep getting pulled back to you. I've fooled myself thinking that I could just get on with my life. The others are better at it than I and I don't know if I can handle it. I've taken hot pokers to my stomach, my fingers broken, I've been beaten…all of this and I haven't let it in. I haven't let it in until now and it's eating me up. But I think it's more to deal with you. Other than Tristan, you were my closest friend here. I was thrown into a world that is not my own and I came to love you and the other knights'. I have done and experienced things I never would have thought possible and now it's affecting me. I…I am just so confused. I am so tired and yet sleep does not leave me rested." I said and paused, then started laughing. "You'll love this. The only time I really feel alive and that the world is right is when Tristan and I make love." I said and laughed again. "Isn't that something? We've been doing that a lot lately." I admitted.

The sobbing started again after that and I just let them come. I tried to quiet the sobs but most were out loud and soon I felt hands on my shoulders. I put my hand over one of them and covered my face with the other. The figure knelt next to me. I turned to see Bors. I cried harder and he embraced me, wrapping his arms around me tightly. Soon Gawain and Galahad appeared both of them putting there arms around me. I cried harder than I ever had before. I cried until my throat was hoarse and my eyes burning. I didn't move until my breathing was normal and I had wiped the tears and snot from my face. I pulled away from Bors and the hands loosened their grip on me. I had my arms on top of Bors's and looked into the concerned faces of my knights'.

"It's all right." Bors told me sweetly. I shook my head and tears welled again. "It will be." He said and pushed the hair from my face.

"We're all here for you." Gawain told me, brushing my chin with his finger.

"You don't have to go through this alone." Galahad added.

I smiled and nodded at them. "Thank you." I said and looked back at Bors. "I'm sorry." I told him. "I'm falling apart when you're the one –"

"I'll stop you there." Bors interrupted. "We all lost him, Paige, its okay to be sad."

"But not all the time. It should go away sometimes. It's not supposed to feel this bad all the time. It consumes me." I told him.

"I know exactly how you feel." Bors told me.

I looked at him and felt tears in my eyes. "I know you do." I said putting my hands on his cheeks.

"Do you want to know what made me finally take a step forward? What I needed before I started moving on?"

"Yes." I told him.

"I did what you just did here. I sat where you are right now and I let it out. I let it out and I talked to him about all the things we used to talk about. All of the things I wanted to say to him. I cried till I looked like you and I leaned against Vanora and my family. And you know what?" He asked.

"What?"

"I felt better." He smiled at me. I smiled back. I nodded and took a deep breath. "Feel better?"

"Actually I do." I told him, and then looked at the others. The three of them had really come through for me. "Thank you." I told them.

They all smiled and hugged me tight. Gawain helped me up and gently wiped the remaining wetness from my cheeks. I put my arms around him, sighing, happy to feel at peace. I let go and turned to hug Galahad and Bors. I held tight to Bors.

"Thank you Bors, thank you so much." I told him.

"It was nothin'." He smiled.

"It wasn't." I said and kissed his cheek.

Gawain put his hand around my waist, with Bors's arm around my shoulders. Galahad grabbed my ass as we headed from the cemetery, making me laugh. It felt good. We stepped around the trees to see Lancelot, Arthur, and Guinevere walking toward us.

"Paige…" Lancelot said and pulled me into a hug.

"Lancelot…" I replied, hugging him tight.

"Are you all right?" He asked.

"I am much better." I smiled at him. "Are you?" I asked.

"Yes." He said, still looking at me with concern.

"I'm fine Lancelot, but I am happy to see you." I said and hugged him again.

I let him go and turned to Arthur. He smiled sweetly and pulled me against him. His hug was comforting. I didn't realize I needed as much support as I did. I thought I could handle it all on my own but I was proven wrong. Next I turned to Guin. She just smiled at me and put her hands out toward me. I took them and she swung them a little before grinning at me, pulling me into a hug. We laughed before we parted and I stood in a circle of friends, feeling normal for the first time in weeks. The only thing left was to find Tristan. I had to mend our relationship, now that I had found and taken care of what was eating away at me. I thanked everyone and hugged them each again, promising to make an appearance at our usual table for a drink later. I called Zeus to me and we walked back to the stables. His head over my shoulder. I put him back into his pen and kissed his nose before leaving him. I went back to Tristan and my room to find it empty. I looked briefly for him before returning to the stables. I went in and made my way up into the hay loft. I spotted him on the other side of the loft the sun hitting him through the window. I walked over to him and he looked up at me.

"Hey." I said kneeling next to him.

"Hey." He replied and took my hand in his. "I'm sorry." He told me.

"I'm sorry too." I said and put my hand over his. "I'm really sorry. I hadn't dealt with Dag's death or everything else that has happened. It took me a little while to figure it out but I managed to do it."

"You look like you've been crying." He said gently brushing my cheek.

I smiled. "Yeah, I did a lot of that. A few of the others came to me in the cemetery, the others as we left it. I didn't realize that I needed as much support as I did. I had you but I needed everyone in order to really grieve. But I have grieved now and I am so sorry about earlier." I told him.

"No, I am the one who should be sorry. You were counting on me to help you through this and I failed you." He told me.

"No you didn't. I failed you. I counted on you too much when I needed everyone in order to move on from this. But I promise you that everything is fine and that I'm fine, finally." I said and smiled. "I'm ready to move on. I'm ready for fun again, but most of all I am ready to start my life with you." I said and leaned across his lap.

He put his hand through my hair and kissed me passionately. He rolled me from his lap onto the floor. I laughed as he rolled on top of me and put several sweet kisses on my neck, my eyes closing. That was one of my favorite feelings. I put my fingers through his hair and let in his touch. His hands moved up and down my body, mine doing the same. He pulled the dress up my thighs, as I squeezed him with my knees. He kissed me passionately, several times, our tongues touching, our body heat rising…

* * *

The sun was down when we finally found our clothes. I laughed as Tristan kissed my neck as he helped me tie the back of the dress. He put his arms around me, his head on my shoulder.

"I love you." He whispered in my ear.

I turned in his arms and kissed him. "I love you too." I said, kissing him again. "You have so much hay in your hair." I laughed as I plucked some out of it.

"I'm not the only one." He smiled doing the same. I laughed at him.

We gave up the task quickly and made our way down the ladder and to the rest of our group, who were already drinking and laughing. Tristan and I came running in and requested two drinks from Vanora before taking a seat with the others.

"There you are!" Bors smiled as he saw us.

"Been having fun I see." Lancelot laughed as he noticed the hay.

"The most fun I've had in a while." I told him. "And I except there to be a lot more fun in the days to come." I grinned at him.

The others laughed. The night wore on and everyone seemed to truly enjoy themselves. There was a lot of singing and dancing. This was proof that things were in fact getting better. It was the step forward that we all needed. Things looked bright and as long as the Saxons stayed away life would be happy for a long, long time.


	13. A Taste of Normalcy

**Here is the next chapter. I hope you all enjoy it. **

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_**Chapter Thirteen: A Taste of Normalcy**_

Another week had gone by with little happening. Everyone was thinking, or hoping, that the Saxons had decided not to come, yet the knights' and I knew better. It was only a matter of time before the fires would be seen, signaling their arrival. For now everyone was to make the best of the time they had, and they were doing a good job at it. I was finally feeling normal again, making me feel more content than I had hoped to be. Tristan and I had been happier than ever. The kind of happy that both of us had been waiting for though we were not without our fights. We fought about stupid things, the things that didn't matter. They never lasted long and we usually ended up naked in some secluded spot. Half the time I thought he argued with me just to get what came after it. The thought always made me smile yet I wondered why he didn't just ask or woo me a little to get it. I guess I can't expect too much from him, he is a man after all.

Guinevere and I spent time together as well. I was in need of female company at times and would seek her or Vanora out for gossip and girl talk. I learned that Guinevere had made love with Arthur. For whatever reason that knowledge made Vanora and I laugh. It wasn't unexpected, not by me. I knew something was there. It was either him or Lancelot. It was a good thing for them and yet Arthur seemed so hard sometimes, but f anyone could reach him I had no doubt that it would be Guinn. She was something else. Her sharpness of tongue always made it fun to be with her. The way she responded to men at the bar or passers by was hilarious. Vanora thought she was inappropriate sometimes but she couldn't hide her smile or laughter. I really enjoyed Vanora's company. Even though she was older I could connect more with her. She was there in the beginning and that had created a bond that couldn't be broken. She had so much wisdom to share. She'd help me when I'd go to her after a fight with Tristan. Bors would go to his friend, leaving Vanora and I to talk. It was quite funny the way Bors was. He treated me like a member of his family and Tristan often got an earful, depending on the fights topic. Through it all Vanora knew exactly what to say to me. She could look at me and tell me that I was just being foolish, even when I already knew that I was. That alone would make me tell her she was right and I'd go back to Tristan to apologize. Sometimes we'd talk for hours about men and why they did the things they did. Once Tristan and I went alone for a few drinks, well…I had a few drinks while he had several and was getting rather drunk. There happened to be some music playing nearby and when I went to pee I came back to find another woman's ass in his hands, leaning against him, her hands all over him. This, of course, set in motion one of the biggest fights we've had. I didn't even yell at him, I simply made sure he saw me and then walked away. I went to Vanora, fuming the entire way, trying to tell her what happened even though I was yelling, pacing, and cut myself off as new thoughts came to me. She stayed calm throughout my rant and didn't say anything till I ran out of things to rant about. I spent the night there, Vanora and I staying up most of the night. She calmed me down and in the morning Tristan showed up at the door with a nice apology. Everything always worked out even though I wanted to kill him sometimes.

It was moments like this, the good and the bad that made me fall in love with this place. It was a perfect way to live. I didn't have to worry about a job and the knights' were revered above most and did little to get what they wanted. Most was even given to them out of respect and gratitude. The villagers who they saved from Marius's estate kept bringing things to them to show how much they appreciated what they had done for them. It was beautiful to watch. To see these people living around us, everyone's way of life seemed so simple. Everyone was happy as they went about their daily life of cooking, farming, and other village activities. I enjoyed walking through the village watching everyone. Most came forward and talked to me which I found weird but overall being known wasn't always a bad thing.

Tristan and I often took our horses out spending days riding through the woods. It was refreshing, there was no horns blaring, accidents happening, there was so much peace here that I wished the time I came from were more like it.

"Should we go back?" I asked Tristan as we sat by the river.

"Not yet." He smiled and kissed me lightly. "I'm happy here."

I grinned and kissed him deeply. "I told Vanora I'd help with the kids tonight." I told him.

"I think you should tell her that you changed your mind." He smiled.

I laughed. "I wish I could but I can't. She needs a little help and Bors needs a night out of the house. They both do. Maybe you should come with me and Vanora should go out with Bors for the night." I told him.

He laughed at that. "No, I don't think so. I'm not very good with kids."

"Than you'll need the practice because you have a child in your future." I told him.

His smile disappeared, the familiar unreadable look replacing it. He cleared his throat. "Are you telling me that you're…?" He said and paused.

I grinned at him and didn't say anything at first. The look on his face turned into one that was forced. He clearly wasn't happy. "No, I am not pregnant." I told him. His face changed and he smirked at me, shaking his head. "But someday I will be." I added. "So I think it would be a good idea to come with me tonight. It would be an experience."

"You don't want eleven of them do you?" He asked.

I laughed. "No, three would make me happy." I told him.

"Why three?" He asked.

"I don't know. I've just always wanted three." I replied.

He kissed me several times, his fingers hidden in my hair. "Don't scare me like that again." He said and kissed me again.

I laughed at him as his hands found the spots on my sides that made me squirm. Soon we headed back to the village. Vanora met us at the stables with an angry expression, her baby crying in her arms.

"Vanora…" I said dismounting Zeus. "What is it?"

"I can't take it. I need a break." She told me. "Gilly is with his father and the baby is crying and…and…" She said and paused.

"Okay, okay, calm down. It'll be fine." I told her, taking her son from her arms. "Shhh, it's okay." I told the baby, rocking him softly. "Tristan, find Bors and tell him to come back to the house. Vanora, let's go get you ready for a night out." I told her. "Meet me there." I told Tristan and started to walk toward their home.

By the time we got there the kids had started to tear the house apart. They were clearly just having fun but it was completely uncontrolled. The baby had stopped crying so I gave him back to Vanora. I took a moment to assess the situation before letting out a loud whistle. It got the attention of the kids. They stopped and looked at me.

I smiled at them. "Hi, I'm Paige. I am going to be watching you tonight so mommy and daddy and go out for a while." I told them. "Vanora, go put a nice dress on and make yourself up. I think I can handle it." I told her, taking the baby back.

"Thank you Paige." Vanora said with such a happy look on her face.

"You're welcome. Now go." I smiled at her.

I turned back to the kids. I counted them and all were there, except for Gilly. I found the two older ones of what I thought to be six and seven. I asked them to help me pick up the house. They didn't seem to want to do it but it took only one stern look to get them moving. I put the baby in his crib. I gathered up all of the younger kids and put them in the living room with toys, suddenly aware of how much I wanted a TV and DVD player right about now. The two girls were helpful and we got most of the house picked up before Bors and Gilly returned.

"There you are." I said as Bors, Gilly, and Tristan came through the door. "It took you long enough."

"Sorry, my fault." Bors said and kissed my cheek. "Hi Paige."

"It's fine." I smiled and hugged him. "Your wife is getting ready and you are taking her out tonight. Tristan and I are going to watch the kids."

Bors laughed. "Tristan? I don't know if he'll be very good at it."

"He'll be fine." I grinned at him. "Wow." I said and looked at Vanora who had entered the room. She had a floor length lavender dress on with her hair curled and put up with flowers weaved into it. She looked wonderful. Bors clearly thought so too as he moved over to her with a glazed look on his face.

"Vanora, you look…magnificent." He said and kissed her lightly.

"Thank you." She said blushing.

"Okay, now you two should go. Have fun, don't worry about us here, and don't worry about coming home too early. We'll be just fine."

"They usually go to bed –" Vanora started.

"Don't worry." I interrupted. "We'll be fine. I've done this before."

"Are you sure you don't mind?" She asked as I moved her toward the door.

"I don't mind at all." I told her. "Now go, have fun." I said and pushed her out the door along with Bors. I closed the door behind them and then turned to Tristan. The kids had swarmed around him, tugging on his hands and clothes. I laughed at him, he looked annoyed and I knew it was going to be a long night.

I tried to distract the kids from Tristan but all they seemed to want to do was hang on him. He looked at me and frowned. I shrugged, not knowing what to say. He was clearly going to be the favorite of the night. The baby started to cry again and I quickly picked him up, avoiding Tristan's hand as he reached for me. I shrugged at him as I bounced the baby.

The night wore on and became more stressful than I would have thought it would. Dinner was a complete disaster and I spent every moment trying to hold the baby and to clean up the food that had been flung around the kitchen. Tristan couldn't help because the kids wouldn't leave him alone, leaving me to do it all. The only time I spent with the kids was when one needed a diaper change or if they wanted something. I found the night frustrating but I finally saw a spark of hope from Tristan as he helped one of the little boys when he tripped and fell, scrapping his knee. Tristan had rushed to the boy's side and picked him up, taking him to the couch and setting him down. His knee wasn't bleeding but Tristan gently dabbed it with a wet rag and blew on it lightly to dry it. The act alone was small but the way he did it was so sweet that I just stood there and grinned at him.

"What?" He asked.

"Nothing." I grinned kissing him lightly.

Tristan seemed to warm up to the kids as the night wore on. When the sun was down we started with the baby, putting everyone to bed. I did little at this point and enjoyed a little unwinding as Tristan put the kids in their beds. When the last was finally down and the house quiet Tristan came to me, sitting next to me. I had my eyes shut, more tired than I had been in weeks. He put his hand on my knee and sighed, leaning against me. I opened my eyes and looked at him. He smiled sweetly. I ran my hand down his face and kissed his forehead.

"Tonight wasn't completely horrible now was it?" I smiled.

"No, not completely." He said and kissed me tenderly. "But I am quite tired now."

"You're not the only one." I replied.

He smiled and moved down a little before lying on his back, putting his head on my lap. I put one arm on his chest as I started to run my fingers through his hair with the other. He closed his eyes and gently stroked my arm. I closed my eyes again and soon I heard Tristan's deep breaths as he fell asleep. That was the last thing I remembered before I too fell asleep.

"Paige…?"

I shot awake and Tristan flew from my lap and a dagger appeared in his hand. Old habits die hard I guess. I looked up to see Bors and Vanora smiling at us. I smiled up at them and leaned against Tristan, who had sat next to me again, rubbing his face.

"Did you have fun?" I yawned.

"Yes, we did." Vanora answered and smiled up at Bors.

"It was nice, thank you for watching the kids." Bors smiled at me.

"I watched over the baby but Tristan was the center of attention with the rest. He was quite popular." I replied standing up.

"Really?" Bors said surprised. "I'm shocked his lousy attitude didn't turn them away."

"He was very sweet actually." I grinned looking at Tristan. "You would've been impressed."

"The house looks great." Vanora said looking around.

"I had to do something while Tristan watched all of the kids. It was the least I could do." I smiled at her.

"Thank you Paige." She smiled and hugged me.

"You're welcome." I smiled back. "We should probably get going." I told them as Tristan stood next to me. "I'm beat and Tristan is more than me. We'll see you two tomorrow."

"Okay, thanks again." Bors said leading us to the door.

"You can stop thanking us." I smiled and hugged him on the way out.

Tristan and Bors shook hands before he walked out behind me. The door closed and we were left in the dark. His hand found mine and his lips found my neck, his breath warm. I leaned into him, his arms wrapping around my waist.

He wooed me gently as we walked back to our room. It was sweet and I was enjoying it. By the time got back to our room he held me with my legs wrapped around his waist. Our lips continuously meeting. I laughed as he kissed his way from my cleavage to my lips. He put me down and started to unbutton his shirt. I started to undo my pants but I watched him slow and then he stopped and looked at me. I grinned at him and kept going until I was only in my undergarments. I slipped my nightgown on and pulled back the covers.

"You don't mind?" Tristan asked me softly.

"I'm exhausted. It would be fun, but I think we can skip a night." I smiled at him.

He pulled the covers back on his side and leaned toward me. I kissed him. I got under the covers and turned onto my side. A moment later Tristan was next to me. He put his arm over me and buried his face in my neck. I warmed at his closeness and smiled before falling asleep.


	14. Moments of Happiness

**Disclaimer: The same as it always is.**

**A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews! I REALLY appriceate it!!!**

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_**Chapter Fourteen: Moments of Happiness**_

Time seemed to be at a standstill even as the days changed. Tristan and I were more inseparable than before. Things had become so perfect. We hardly left our room. The maid brought our food and usually kept her eyes closed every time she came or left if she knew we were in the room. There was no guarantee that we had clothes on, most of the time we didn't. We became shadows to everyone else. We came out during the day on occasion for a horseback ride or a walk to let our bodies relax a little. We spent some nights in the tavern with the others, enjoying a few drinks and dances. I was starting to forget what it was like to be in the future. I was happy to be here and it had occurred to me that it didn't matter to me if I ever went back.

"I think we're going to go back to our room." I grinned as Tristan kissed my neck.

"Should we be surprised?" Lancelot grinned.

I just smirked at him and shook my head.

"Before you go, take a walk with me." Arthur told me.

I just looked at him a moment before I replied, "Okay."

He smiled at me and led me away from the others. We walked for a while in silence. I was wondering what he wanted and he looked like he was trying to figure out what to say.

"Back when we were on the mountain trail, I talked with Merlin." He told me.

"You did?" I asked. "Why would you?"

"Guinevere led me too him, I didn't know he was there. I thought she had betrayed me but in the end we have joined forces." He told me.

"We have? I didn't know that." I replied.

"Yes, if the Saxons come we will need all the help we can get." He told me. I nodded. "He told me something interesting about you that I have pushed aside for some time but now that things have calmed down I feel the need to talk with you about it."

"What is it?" I asked, stopping and looking up at him.

"Merlin told me that you were not of our time. He didn't go in-depth on the subject and it took me a while to figure out what he meant but I have watched you and you are not like the rest of us." He told me.

My stomach turned. I didn't know where he was going with this. I had forgotten that none of them knew that I wasn't from this time. I told Guinn but knew that she wouldn't say anything. I also told Dagonet but only after he was dead. "And…?" I asked.

"And I realize that he is right." Arthur told me. "You are not from here. You are from somewhere far away. The future yes?" He asked. I nodded. "How is it you came to be here?"

"I don't know." I told him. "There was a flashing light and then I was in the river with the Woads coming at me and then you and the others were there. I cannot explain it. Do the others know?" I asked.

"No, I have not said anything to anyone. Except for Guinevere. She told me that you confided in her while you were in the dungeons."

"I did." I replied. "What does this mean for us?" I asked.

He smiled at me. "Nothing. This doesn't change anything as far as I'm concerned. But I must ask, do you not want to go back? Is there some reason why you stay?"

I grinned at him. "I am in love with one of your knights'. That is why I stay and I have no intention of leaving. First, I don't know how. Second, I am happy here. I do not wish to leave this place."

Arthur smiled wider at me. "That is nice to hear. I think you'd be missed too much if you left."

"As long as Tristan is here I will stay." I told him.

"I can live with that." He said and pulled me into a hug.

I leaned against him and was happy to know that he wasn't going to get rid of me because of my withholding. I lifted my head and looked up at him. "I 'spose I should tell the others."

"That is up to you." He told me.

"Thank you." I smiled and put my head against his chest again.

We soon returned to the table with the others, my mind filled with the decision to tell the men or not. I wasn't sure if they would take it as well as Arthur. I didn't want to talk about where I came from or why I didn't want to go back or if it were even possible to go back. I didn't want Tristan to fear that I was going to leave him, but I wouldn't go back even if I could. I wanted to be here and before I told them I had to be able to say the right things to convince them of that.

"Are you all right?" Tristan asked putting an arm around me.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I grinned and kissed him.

"Good." He said and put his hand on my leg. "You ready for bed?" He smiled.

"Hours ago." I grinned at him.

He laughed and we stood up. We said our goodbyes to the others and Arthur winked at me as we walked past him. I smiled and held tight to Tristan's hand. We ran back to our room. Periodically Tristan would push me against a wall and kiss my neck as I panted, my body heat rising, taking in his affections. When we got back to the room he put me on the bed and started to undo my dress. I worked on his pants and shirt and soon everything was off. We must have created some kind of record for the fastest removal of clothes before intercourse. He ran his hands up and down my body, gripping me in all the right places. I groaned as his fingers slipped into me as he kissed my neck and mouth. The pleasure was immense, my body tingling as he moved his hands to my sides and kissed his way down my body. When he returned to my face and kissed my lips I rolled him onto his back. It was my turn to be on top. He grinned up at me. I grinned back and kissed his chest. I felt him slid into me and I sat up as we rocked in unison, his hands moving over my body.

When I rolled off of him he turned onto his side and traced shapes on my stomach. I put my fingers through his hair, staring at him. He caught my eyes and grinned. He rolled on top of me again and kissed me.

"You're shaking." He whispered.

"I'll be all right." I smiled and kissed him.

He rolled off of me again and pulled the covers up over me. I smiled at the sweet gesture. He moved next to me, pulling me against him. His body was warm. Between him and the blankets I warmed up quickly. My head was on his arm. I took in his scent and looked into his eyes. He put his forehead against mine, his hand in my hair.

"I could do this forever." He said and smiled.

I laughed at him. "You say that now." I said and laughed again. "You'd think differently after a few days."

"Not if I'm with you." He told me, sounding completely serious.

"You give me far too much credit." I told him.

"No." He smiled.

"No one has that kind of stamina." He just smiled at me. "Why are we even talking about this?" I said and laughed again.

He laughed with me and kissed me tenderly. He placed one on my neck, one of the best feelings in the world.

"I love you." He whispered after a moment of silence.

"I love you too." I whispered back and kissed his lips gently.

He kissed me deeply and ran the back of his fingers down my face. I kissed him once more and put my hand on his chest. His eyes were the last thing I saw before I fell asleep.

* * *

I woke up to the slamming of the door. I shot up, holding the blanket against me.

"Sorry." Tristan smiled as he carried a tray to the bed.

"I was having a good dream." I smiled at him, bringing my knees up.

"What about?" He asked and kissed me as he put the tray in front of me.

"You and I were married with three kids and five dogs, living in a nice home along the river." I grinned and kissed him again.

"Hm." He said and just looked at me.

"It was just a dream." I said and looked at the tray.

It had juice, strawberries, eggs, toast and bacon. It looked really good. I picked up a piece of bacon and picked at it a little before eating it. I reached for a strawberry but Tristan stopped me. I looked at him and he smiled before picking it up himself and bringing it up to my mouth. I grinned and took a bite from it. He fed me my breakfast piece by piece. It was the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me. It was a very thoughtful gesture. I fed him as well. When it was gone, Tristan kissed the remains of the meal from my lips and then turned and opened the door. He said something to someone outside and the maid came in and started to get the bathing tub ready. Tristan returned to the bed and moved the tray aside. I was sitting cross-legged and he fell onto the bed on his side and looked up at me.

"Thank you for breakfast." I said and kissed him.

"You are welcome." He said and kissed me harder.

He put his hand on the back of my head as I put my hands on his chest. We heard the maid drop something and we pulled apart. I laughed and looked at him. He glanced at the maid over his shoulder.

"Maybe we should get a different maid." He told me quietly.

I laughed again. "I don't know but she seems awfully uncomfortable around us."

"All the time." He added.

I nodded and laughed again. "Maybe she'll get used to us."

He grinned at me. "I doubt it if she hasn't already."

"This is true." I said and kissed him again.

"The water is ready." The maid said and curtsied before quickly leaving the room.

Tristan started to laugh and I joined him. He got off the bed and started to undo his pants. I stopped him. He looked at me and I just grinned at him as I undid them and pulled them down. He stepped out of them and kissed me as I unbuttoned his shirt. When his clothes were off he picked me up and carried me to the tub. He got in with me still in his arms. He attempted to sit down but ended up slipping, sending me under the water, nearly tipping the tub over. I surfaced and laughed at him. He looked concerned but I assured him that I was fine. It didn't hurt. He laughed with me when I couldn't stifle my own.

We lounged around in the water until our fingers were wrinkly and the water lukewarm. We got dressed and decided to see what everyone else was up to. I put on a nice green dress that accentuated my features. Tristan, as always, took his time tying up the back. Placing kisses on my skin as he made his way up. The sun was already high in the sky. We were walking hand in hand as we turned a corner, revealing the training grounds. Galahad and Gawain were sparing while Lancelot and Bors watched. I ran up behind Lancelot and jumped onto his back. He caught me as he looked over his shoulder at me.

"Hello." He smiled.

"Hello." I said and kissed his cheek before dropping to the ground. "How are you?" I asked him, putting my arm through his and my chin on his shoulder.

"I am well. How are you?" He smiled at me.

"I am fantastic." I grinned at him and laughed.

Tristan appeared at my side, leaning against the fence. "I can see why." Lancelot smirked.

I shoved him lightly and looked at the two fighting. "Who's winning?" I asked him.

"Gawain is winning but Galahad gives him a run for his money." He replied.

"Are you alright?" I asked.

Lancelot looked at me but then his eyes wandered over my head. I turned to see Arthur and Guinevere approaching. I looked back at Lancelot. He noticed my eyes on him and he looked at me and smiled.

"Yes, I'm fine." He said before walking away.

"Lancelot…!" I called after him. He didn't turn back.

"Paige!" Guinn said as she walked up to me.

"Guinn!" I said and hugged her. "It's good to see you."

"And you as well. You're glowing." She observed and looked at Tristan.

I felt my cheeks flush and looked up at Tristan who was grinning down at me. "Yeah, I'm pretty happy I guess." I said then looked back at Guinn.

"You guess?" Tristan said and put his arms around my waist.

I laughed as he pulled me from the fence and spun me in the air. When he put me down I turned in his arms and smiled up at him. I put my arms around his neck and kissed him. He picked me up, spinning me again. I kissed him again. Both of us were growing dizzy. Tristan tried to put me down as he started to lose balance but instead it tumbled over, sending both of us to the ground. I laughed hysterically as he lay on top of me, the world spinning. He pushed himself up and looked down at me. I couldn't stop laughing. He started to laugh too and lowered himself on top of me again, kissing me hard. I laughed until my stomach hurt. He stood and pulled me from the ground.

"Having fun are we?" Gawain said coming out of the ring.

"Of course." I grinned at him.

"Come here." He smiled at me. I grinned wider and put my arms around his neck as he walked up to me. "How are you?"

"I'm really good." I told him honestly.

"That's good." He smiled.

"And you?"

"I'm doing great. I beat Galahad which is always a pleasure." He said loud enough for Gal to hear.

"I was close this time." He said walking next to his friend before pulling me into a hug.

"Hi Galahad." I smiled.

"Paige." He said and kissed my cheek as we pulled apart.

Tristan came up behind me, our shoulders touching. I looked up at him and smiled. _God I love that man. _I thought. Though my thoughts were interrupted as Bors came over. He pulled me into a hug and planted a big kiss on my forehead.

"Thanks Bors." I said and wiped the wetness from my forehead.

"You look good." He told me.

"Thank you." I smiled at him. "Where's Vanora?"

"With the kids. She's been begging me to get you to watch them again soon."

"Any time." I smiled.

"No, she doesn't mean that." Tristan said putting an arm around me. "If you need her it better be none far in advance and I have to approve it."

I smacked his chest and frowned at him. "Don't listen to him Bors. If you really need a night out just let me know." I told him.

"You're a sweet girl." Bors said and rubbed my cheek with his hand before walking off.

Gawain and Galahad went off to clean up and Guinn and Arthur went off together. Tristan and I were once again left alone, which didn't bother us.

"What now?" I asked him.

"Do you feel like a ride through the woods?" He asked.

"That would be nice." I smiled.

We went to the stables and took the horses out. Tristan tacked both of them and helped me up into Zeus's saddle, even though we both knew I didn't need it. We walked most of the way, talking, enjoying the scenery. It was a beautiful day and the sun was shining, warming my skin. When we were silent I watched Tristan. His hawk flying overhead periodically like she always did. He was such a beautiful man. I couldn't stop smiling and after a while my cheeks hurt and I tried to think of something sad so I could relax my face. I thought of Dag and for a moment sadness did come to me. I looked at Tristan and he was frowning at me.

"What is it?" He asked.

"Nothing." I said and smiled again.

"All right." He said and took my hand, kissing my palm.

I grinned at him and leaned over in my saddle, kissing him tenderly. When we reached the river we followed it down until it widened and slowed to a lazy pace. We tied the horses to a tree and found a spot next to it to sit. Tristan sat down, leaning against a rock. I was going to sit next to him but he pulled me down into his lap. I positioned myself between his legs, leaning back against him. He put his arms around me and held me tight. For a while we just sat there, listening to the river. It was relaxing to listen to. Tristan's breathing combined with the river made me feel content. I could have stayed there for hours. I thought of bringing it up to him but he started to stand up. I let him and looked up at him sad that he had moved. I watched him walk to a nearby rock. He looked at me with a smile and took off his shoes. His shirt and pants came next. I watched him with a glazed look, watching his muscles flex as he moved. I wanted my hands on him. I was still imagining taking him right here, right now, when he jumped into the river and I was hit with a disturbingly cold wave of water. In reaction to it I jumped and my jaw dropped, not believing that he just did that. I looked at him and he laughed. I stood and quickly took off my dress before jumping into the water after him. The current was slow and I broke the surface easily. Only I didn't see Tristan. I did a quick circle unconcerned. That lasted only a moment.

"Tristan?" I said. "Tristan you're not funny." I told him even though he wasn't there. "Tristan come on. This isn't funny!" Panic started to seep into me. I dove under a few times but he wasn't there. I broke the surface again and I felt my chest clench as I let the panic take over me. "Tristan! Tristan where are you?" I screamed. "Oh my god." I said. I was just about to have a complete melt down when a rock hit the water. I looked up to see Tristan sitting on top of a rock. "You are so dead!" I screamed at him. "You scared the shit out of me! What the hell were you thinking?" I yelled trying to calm myself back down. He jumped back into the water. He broke the surface and tried to pull me to him. "No, I don't think so." I said trying to pull away from him. He succeeded and he put our foreheads together, a smile on his face. "You have no idea how much you scared me." I said my hands on the sides of his head.

"I'm sorry." He said sweetly. "But now I am convinced that you truly love me." He said and laughed.

"You knew that already you bastard." I said and shoved him, my anger gone.

We fooled around in the water until the cold water started to numb our bodies. Tristan helped me from the water as I slipped on the rocks that lay beneath the surface. I laughed at the effort it took. When we were finally free from the water we stood facing each other. My lower lip was trembling, as well as my body. Tristan seemed to be fine and I just shook my head. He put his shirt over me, rubbing my arms to try and warm me. I smiled at him, the look on his face as he tried to warm me. I looked at his chest and put my hand on it. My fingers traced a scar. I kissed it gently before moving my lips up to his face. I kissed him passionately, putting my fingers through his hair. He picked me up. I put my legs around him.

"I have a better idea of how to get warm." I panted.

He nodded as he took a few steps backward to the green grass that grew next to the river, laying me gently on the ground. I threw the shirt as he pulled it back off of me.

* * *

That night at the tavern I was sitting with Bors and Gawain. Tristan had gone off to take care of a few things. It was shockingly refreshing to be man-less for a while. I had male company but it wasn't the same as having Tristan there. Vanora came and sat with us when she could but it was never for very long. The men were watching the usual antics of the other villagers. The betting, the knife throwing, all of the boyish stuff they all did. I sat with my drink and thought of how good today had been. Tristan's softer side had really bloomed and I was falling even more in love with him. He was everything to me. He truly was.

I felt a kiss on my cheek and turned to see Lancelot. "Hey." I said surprised to see him. "Where did you run off to this morning?" I asked him.

"Nowhere." He said and took a sip from his drink.

"Liar." I smiled.

"It's nothing." He told me.

Gawain had gone off to participate in a knife throwing bet that was taking place. I watched him as I thought of a way to make Lancelot tell me what was going on. I didn't have time to figure it out before he kissed my hair as he stood up.

"See you later." He said his lips in my hair.

"Okay." I said and watched him walk away. I turned back to my drink. "I wish he'd just admit that he likes Guinn." I told Bors before taking a large drink from my glass.

Bors laughed and put an arm around me. We talked for a while until the sun had been down for hours. I bid goodnight to Bors and the others before making my way to my room alone. When I got there it was dark and cold, disappointed that Tristan wasn't here to warm me up before bed. I lit a single candle. The light was enough for me to change by and dim enough for me to get to sleep quickly.

I woke up to a thump in the room. The candle was still lit and I turned to see Tristan taking his shoes off and then stripped to his underwear.

"Hey…" I said sleepily.

"Did I wake you?" He asked crawling into bed.

"It's fine. How late is it?" I asked him.

"Very." He replied and kissed me.

"What were you doing?"

"You'll see. Now go back to sleep." He said and kissed me tenderly. "Love you."

"Love you too."

I rolled over onto my side and he took his place next to me, leaning against me. I fell asleep quickly and didn't wake until the sun was high enough to shine through the small window.

* * *

Tristan had left before I woke up and I took my time getting ready for the day. The maid, who I now knew to be Alana, had put hot water in the bathing tub and placed candles around it, setting a nice relaxing mood. I dozed in the tub, relaxing, humming to myself, enjoying the peace and quiet. When I was done I blew the candles out and went to my hutch. I was never fond of wearing dresses but now that they were all I wore it took me forever to pick out one to wear. Before it was jeans and shirts that made choosing a wardrobe difficult, now dresses, but I had to admit that I didn't mind. I chose a simple dark blue one that could be pulled over my head, and then could be adjusted easily.

I walked to the kitchen and found something to eat. I sat down and enjoyed a bowl of hot cereal while making light talk with the cook. It wasn't something I did often but it was nice for a change. Though the cook seemed happy when I finally said I was going to go. I think I talked her ear off for too long.

I walked down to the stables and washed Zeus. I soaked the bottom of my dress but he needed it and I needed something to pass the time. He took it well, refusing only briefly as the water ran across his flanks. He tried to play as I washed him but I put a stop to it, not wanting to get any wetter than I had to. After that I brushed him out. When I was done I took a step back and admired my work.

"Nice, very nice." I said and patted his neck.

I put him back in his pen and smiled at him. He looked beautiful clean. He ran around the pen and I told him goodbye as I turned to leave. After a few feet I glanced over my shoulder at him only to see him flop onto his side and role in the dirt.

"You've got to be kidding me." I said turning around and watching the horse. "Figures, stupid horse." I said but smiled as I turned and walked away.

I wandered through the village stopping to talk with some of the villagers that I had met from Marius's estate. I stopped at some of the shops along the way. When I had made my way back to the fortress I went back to my room. It didn't look like Tristan had been back yet. I walked over to the bed and fell backward on top of it. I stared at the ceiling for a while before deciding to go find someone to talk to. I was just getting up when there was a knock on the door.

"Come in." I said and Arthur appeared as the door swung open.

"Arthur, hi." I said.

"You need to come with me." He told me seriously.

"What's going on?" I asked.

"It's Tristan." He told me.

My breath caught in my throat as my stomach lurched. It took all of me to remember to breath. I stood up and walked over to him.

"What's happened?" I asked.

"Come with me." Arthur told me.

I followed him closely, horrible thoughts filling my head. "Is it bad?" I asked him.

"You tell me." Arthur said with a hint of anger in his voice.

I got the sudden feeling that Tristan had done something wrong and now instead of fearing for him I was thinking of what he could have done to make Arthur so upset with him. He led me to the tavern where it looked like a massive fight had gone down. At first I only noticed the destroyed tables before I saw Tristan pacing by the bar. His arm was heavily bandaged and there were others cuts visible on his body. Vanora was sitting at a table, her head in her hands. Bors was kneeling in front of her clearly trying to calm her down. The other knights' were standing around with tentative looks on their faces.

"What the hell happened here?" I asked them.

"You're boy went nuts is what happened." Bors shot at me.

"We wouldn't let us take him away." Gawain told me. "Arthur decided to go get you when he hit Galahad."

I looked at Tristan, frowning. His eyes met mine and I could see his demeanor change slightly. I sighed and walked up to him. "What the hell did you do?" I asked. I could smell the liquor on his breath. "Are you drunk?"

"I was." He told me.

"Tell me what happened." I told him trying to stay calm. "Why is Vanora so upset? Tristan, talk to me." I said starting to get upset.

"He went off on a few of the men who were sitting at the bar here. He took it all the way to the back before he was finally stopped. They are all pretty beat up." Arthur said filling me in.

I looked at him shocked. "Why would you do that?" I asked Tristan.

"They…they were saying these things and…" He said and stopped.

"And what?" I asking my anger rising. "You decided to beat the shit out of them?" I yelled at him. "What the hell is your problem?"

"My problem was them!" He yelled getting in my face. "They were talking about you! They were saying that…" He said and stopped again.

"What?" I yelled at him. "What did they say that would make you beat them?"

"They were saying that you had been sleeping around and were a whore! They were saying all of these things! I wasn't going to stand by and listen to them tell these lies about you, making you out to be some kind of whore. You aren't and no one talks about you that way. No one." He said and looked at me, panting from his rage.

"That's it? They called me a few names and told a few lies?" I said and looked at him. "Who the hell cares?" I yelled at him. "Who gives a shit what they said about me? It just means that they are the fools. They are the idiots who would say things like that just to get a reaction out of somebody and I think they succeeded. Why does that offend you so? You know that I'm not like that. You know me. Why would it matter what a few drunks were saying at the bar?"

"It wasn't just that!" He yelled. "They were talking about ways to get you into bed! Saying that if you were a whore they were going to have to have a taste of the outsider! I wasn't going to let them touch you!"

"They wouldn't have been able to. I can take care of myself believe it or not! _You _taught me to take care of myself so why are you so worried? I just don't understand why, even though they said all of that, you would attack them." I said and looked at him. "You're drunk. Get some sleep. I don't want to talk about this anymore." I told him.

He paced a few times, his anger clearly growing. "This is your fault!" He said and pointed at me.

"My fault?" I yelled taken aback. "How is this my fault?" Now he had pissed me off.

"If you would have just married me we wouldn't have this issue!" He yelled.

For a moment I didn't know what to say. I caught the looks of the others as I let his words sink in. The faces I saw were in slight shock. "Is that what you want?" I asked him.

"You know it is!" He yelled. "If you had married me when I wanted to get married this wouldn't have happened. They would have known you were taken and no false words would have been said."

"Tristan! You never told me you wanted to get married! You made it sound like you did but you never said the words. It's your job to say the words! This is not my fault!" I yelled back at him.

"You were too busy grieving over Dag to see how much I wanted to get married to you when we got back to the wall." He told me angrily.

I shook my head at him. "You are being ridiculous!"

"I am being ridiculous? You're the one who's supposedly sleeping with every man here!"

"Than she would have slept with me." Lancelot grinned.

"SHUT UP!" Tristan and I yelled in unison.

"Tristan! If you wanted me to marry you all you had to do was ask." I told him just as angrily as he had talked to me.

"Fine!" He said and threw up his arms. "You wanna marry me?" He yelled.

"Yeah fine!" I yelled back.

"Well good." He said and turned to walk away.

"Yeah whatever." I said and turned and walked in the opposite direction.

I walked as fast as I could. I was fuming with anger. He was being such an ass and I didn't feel like dealing with him. _What the hell just happened?_ I thought as I walked up the stairs onto the wall. I walked halfway around the wall before I finally stopped. I looked around me and for the lack of having a better hiding spot I sat down, leaning against the wall. I pulled my knees up against me and I replayed what had happened in my head. I didn't know what to make of it. I sighed and leaned my head back against the wall. Not ten minutes later the sky opened up and rain came pouring down. _Great. _I thought as I let the rain fall on me. The rain beat down, drenching my body. I stayed where I was. I didn't want to go back to the room yet and I didn't feel like talking about it. I just wanted a little me time and if I had to sit in the rain to get it than that's exactly what I was going to do.


	15. Time for a Celebration

**Disclaimer: Anything you recognize from King Arthur does not belong to me. Anything else is from my own imagination.**

**A/N: Here is the next chapter! I hope people still like it. Reviews are always welcome and will help make this story the best it can be. Special thanks to NotAfraidToLive for reviewing each chapter. I really appreciate it! At well as thanks to all my other reviewers! I love you guys! Anyway, on with the story.**

* * *

_**Chapter Fifteen: Time for a Celebration**_

I had been sitting in the rain long enough to be able to feel the wetness in my bones. I started to shake slightly and decided that I should get moving. I didn't want to go back to the room, fearing that Tristan would be there and I still didn't want to talk to him yet. It was the first time I had ever seen the aftermath of his fighting and, to be honest, it scared me a little. Knowing what he was capable of. I knew what he was capable of but seeing it and seeing how people reacted to it was something different. Guilt also filled me knowing that he had done it to stand up for me. Thinking about it made me think of Vanora. She had looked so upset. I decided to walk to her and Bors's home to make sure that she was alright.

"There you are." Bors said when he opened the door. "Where the 'ell have you been?" He asked with anger in his voice.

"I was thinking." I told him stepping into the house. Tristan was sitting on his couch. "What are you doing here?" I asked him.

"I knew you would come here." He told me.

"Mm-hm." I said and crossed my arms. "Is Vanora okay?" I asked Bors. "She looked pretty shaken up at the tavern."

"She's asleep now but she'll be fine. Tristan scared the crap out of her but she'll be all right."

"That's good to hear." I smiled at him.

"Let's get you dried off." Bors smiled and went toward his room.

"No, Bors, I'm fine. Don't worry about me." I told him. "I think I'm going to get going anyway."

"Paige…" Tristan said standing up. "I'm sorry."

"You're sorry…okay. That makes it all okay than?"

"I didn't say that." He said walking up to me.

"To fix this it's going to take more than just 'I'm sorry'" I told him.

"Than what is it going to take?" He asked clearly willing to do whatever I asked of him.

"I don't know!" I yelled at him.

"Hold on you two!" Bors said quietly but firmly to us. "I've got babies asleep."

"I'm sorry." I told him. "We'll just go. I'll talk to you tomorrow. Tell Vanora I'll come see her soon." I said and kissed his cheek before walking from the home, Tristan following me out.

The rain was still pouring. I walked to a secluded spot where our yelling wouldn't be heard. I turned to Tristan, who was now just as wet as I was.

"So give me all you've got. What the hell were you thinking? Why would you hurt those men? Why do you care what people say about me? Do you see me getting all defensive over what they said? Do you think I care? Why? For God's sake all I want to know is why!" I yelled at him, taking a deep breath afterward.

He just looked at me a moment before throwing up his arms. "I don't know!" He yelled. "I was there with the men having a drink and then I overheard them talking about you that way and I just broke. I couldn't stand it. I didn't want to have men think of you that way. You have been with me and only me and to have them think otherwise…" He said and ran a hand through his hair.

"But why?" I asked him calmly. He still hadn't given me the answer I was looking for.

"Because I love you so much. I want you to be my wife, and shut those bastards up." He told me, his hands on his hips.

"So you were serious?" I asked him.

"Of course I was serious." He told me, his face looked pained. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know." I said dropping my arms to my sides. "We were fighting and it just came out and I wasn't sure if you were truly serious or not."

"I am." He said keeping his eyes on me. "And your answer?"

"I love you Tristan." I said softly and paused. His face grew hard. "But this can't happen again. You can not fly off the handle just because some men said things that they shouldn't." I said and paused again. He nodded. "I'm serious." I told him firmly. He nodded again. "As for an answer to your question…" I said pausing a third time. I wasn't angry anymore. In fact, I was having one hell of a time containing myself. "Nothing, absolutely nothing, would make me happier than to be your wife." I told him and couldn't help but laugh.

A smile broke onto his face. He laughed with me. I threw my arms around his neck, kissing him hard, his arms wrapped around me holding me tight against his body. He kissed my neck before burying his face in it. I ran my hand through his hair and dropped from his hold. I ran one hand down his face as I placed my other on his chest.

"I love you." He told me sweetly. "And I am so very sorry for my actions tonight."

"I know you are." I told him and kissed him again. "I love you too."

We stood there in the rain. The water pouring off of us. I kissed him like I had never kissed anyone in my life, so happy that I didn't know if I could contain myself. Tristan lifted me into his arms and carried me back to the fortress.

* * *

I woke up and turned to lean against Tristan to find myself alone in bed. I opened my eyes and supported myself on my elbows. I pulled the sheet up as it started to slip, staring at the candles and red flower petals that were covering the bed and floor of the room. 

"He's been busy." I smiled.

I got up and found the red dress I had been saving for a special occasion. I figured this was one of the most special of special occasions, the most important until I put on a white dress. I bathed and allowed my hair to dry naturally, the waves slightly bouncing as I walked. I was just about to leave the room when Tristan came in.

"You're dressed." He said surprised. He had a tray of food in his hands.

"Yes, I was just about to go find you." I said walking up to him.

He dropped the tray and pulled me too him. I laughed and leaned into him. He kissed me passionately. I put my arms around his neck and played with the hair at the nape of his neck. I kissed him tenderly before looking him in the eye. I stared into his eyes and grinned at him.

"I love you." Tristan smiled at me.

"I love you too." I grinned and laughed before kissing him again. "I am so deliriously happy."

"That's good." He smirked back at me.

"Aren't you?" I asked, my smiled faltering.

"Absolutely, I've never felt this good." He said and kissed me again.

We stayed in the room only a short while longer before leaving it. I was so happy that I couldn't keep it all in. Tristan tried to keep up his brooding personality but in the end he ended up breaking as well. The smile on his face and the gentle caresses he gave me showed me how much he cared and how happy he truly was. We joined the others knights' for breakfast and enjoyed laughter and play as the day began.

We were just finishing the meal when Tristan stood and cleared his throat. He looked down at me. He just stared for a moment. I shrugged, waiting for him to say something. He looked at the other knights' and paused.

"What is it?" I whispered to him.

"There is something that all of you need to know." Tristan told them.

"But I thought –" I started but he cut me off. We had decided to keep the engagement to ourselves to start with. Since the initial proposal was done during an argument we didn't think they would think it official.

"It's all right." He told me.

"Get on with it." Lancelot told him.

Tristan glared at his friend and knelt in front of me. "Tristan…" I said, not knowing what else to say.

"Paige…will you marry me?" He asked pulling something out of his pocket.

It was a silver engagement ring that was in a wave style. There were two small diamonds imbedded into it. It was beautiful. He didn't put it on my finger right away. He turned it and the light revealed an inscription. _Tristan and Paige._ Was on one side. _I love you. _On the other. Tears welled in my eyes and I held out my hand. He placed the ring on my finger and kissed it tenderly.

For a moment I was completely speechless. "It's beautiful." I told him. "I love you." I said and stared at the ring. "So how's tomorrow for you?" I asked and laughed.

He laughed. I threw my arms around his neck and hugged him tight. He stood and spun me once before setting me back onto the ground. The other knights' cheered and rose their glasses to us. I felt my face flush and I hide it against Tristan.

"Kiss her!" Gawain yelled.

"Yes, come on!" Galahad added, both laughing.

Tristan lifted my chin with his fingers and kissed me deeply, dipping me. When we parted I laughed as I held tight to him.

"I think it's time for a celebration. Don't you men?" Lancelot said standing up and downing his drink.

"Lancelot is right." Arthur agreed, standing next. I looked at him and smiled. "It has been too long since a good celebration has taken place."

"I'll make the arrangements." Guinevere said as she stood next to Arthur.

"Tonight, at the tavern. Be prepared for drink and dance." Arthur said. "For now let us do what is needed for the day for we now have something to look forward to for the night."

* * *

Tristan and I had remained in bed most of the day. I couldn't have been happier with the way everything was going. I had a ring on my finger and the man I loved next to me. When the sun started to set I started to get antsy. I had to get up and go through all of the dresses I had, trying to pick one out. 

"I don't know why you're so worried. You look wonderful in everything." Tristan said kissing my neck.

I grinned. "Because this is an important night for me. It's the closest thing we'll get to an engagement party and I need to look my best." I told him.

"The red one will do nicely then. Hardly anyone saw it today." He replied.

I agreed with him and kissed him sweetly. We returned to bed a short while longer before leaving to head to the tavern. We could hear the music before we reached the crowd of people that was waiting for us. It looked like the whole village that turned up for the celebration. I couldn't stop smiling. Vanora was the first to see us and she gave both Tristan and I a loving hug. It seemed that Tristan's actions had no lingering affects.

"Bors!" I yelled and ran up to him. I threw my arms around his neck.

"A dance!" He said and pulled me against him.

He moved us onto the small dance floor and started to spin me around. He had been nothing but sweet and I enjoyed his friendship. I had expected just a dance but he surprised me.

"If he hurts you I'll kill him." Bors told me quietly.

"What?" I looked up at him. "Bors…" I smiled at him, shaking my head.

"I mean it. I love him just as much but if he hurts you I'll kill him."

"Thank you but I don't think that'll be necessary." I smiled at him. "Don't get all fatherly with me Bors."

"Can't help it." He grinned.

I put my arms around his neck, hugging him tight. "I love you Bors."

"Love you too kiddo."

Soon the music changed and I returned to Tristan's side. He handed me a drink. He didn't have his own and I was proud of him. He was being a good boy, which gave me the opportunity to be a bad girl if I wanted. He put his arm around me and kissed me tenderly. We talked with nearly everyone that was there. I did more talking than Tristan but was impressed with the effort that he was putting into it. As the night wore on I was happy to see that everyone was having a good time. Guinn and Arthur stole a few moments away together and I couldn't have been happier. I could tell that Lancelot was struggling with their relationship but there was nothing I could do about it.

"Dance with me." I told Lancelot, pulling him to his feet. He didn't put up much of a fight as I led him to where the others were dancing. "Are you okay?" I asked him.

"You keep asking me that." He smiled.

"That's because I'm waiting for you to tell me what's wrong." I replied.

"Nothing is wrong." He replied.

"You're lying." I told him. "Have you talked to Guinn about the way to feel for her?" I asked him.

"She's with Arthur what more needs to –" He said and cut himself off. "I didn't mean to say that." He smiled.

"I know." I replied. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine." He said kissing my forehead. "Just dance with me." He said spinning me gently.

Lancelot and I danced through several songs before we were interrupted. "May I cut in?" Tristan asked.

"You may." Lancelot smiled and kissed my hand as he walked away.

"We've been here all night and I haven't danced with you yet." He smiled.

"I know. What took you so long to ask me?" I said returning it.

He pulled me tightly against him, kissing me passionately. "Have I told you how much I love you?" I shook my head and smiled at him. "I love you more than life itself. I'd do anything for you."

I smiled up at him. "Than we're even." I said and kissed him deeply.

I rested my head against his chest as we danced. It was a moment I wished would last forever. Then the music stopped and after a short while later the crowd started to dissipate.

"I guess that's it." I said and laughed.

"Now we can get out of here." He smiled.

"Another drink with the men first." I told him.

Our usual group sat around a large table with a final drink in hand.

"That was a lot of fun. Thank you." I told them.

"You're welcome." Guinn smiled at me.

"Now all we have to do is make it through the wedding." Bors said teasingly.

We all laughed. I couldn't have been happier. Everyone came through for Tristan and me. Soon everyone dispersed and Tristan and I made our way back through the fortress. Tristan closed the door behind us and went to the bed, falling onto it. I smiled and followed, falling next him. He smiled and took my hand in his. I smiled and turned onto my side. I put my hand on his chest. The first few buttons on his shirt were open and I played with the small amount of hair that was showing. He kept his eyes on me as I mine ogled his body. I moved against him and his arm moved around me. I laid against him, resting my head on his arm. Our eyes met and I put my hand on his cheek, gently rubbing it. In that moment it all seemed to become real to me. I smiled but sat up, moving to the edge of the bed. I pulled my knees against me.

"What is it?" Tristan asked moving next to me.

"We're getting married." I replied and looked at him.

He nodded. "You do want to marry me don't you?" He asked an edge of concern in his voice.

"More than anything." I grinned.

He smiled and slid his fingers through my hair, kissing me deeply. "I've never felt like this before." He told me softly. "Is it like what you had with Derek?" He asked.

Derek hadn't been brought up in a long time. I had thought about him but not as much as I thought I would. I thought a moment. I had loved Derek enough to marry him, but my feelings for Tristan went deeper than anything I had ever felt before.

"No." I told him. "What we have is so much more than what I had with him. I did love him, but the way I feel about you is like nothing I've ever felt before. I am so in love with you that when you look at me, I go lightheaded. When you touch me I can't think straight. The thought of you and me being together for the rest of our lives makes me happier than I've ever been in my life." I finished, my eyes glossy with tears. "I'm just so happy." I grinned at him.

He gently caressed my face. "You have great eyes." He told me. I gave him a look. "The other things you said are good too." I laughed and shoved him lightly. "No, in all seriousness, I feel the same way about you. You make me feel so many things that I didn't think I could feel. I've done things I'm not proud of, things that changed me. I never thought I'd feel this way about anyone. I never thought I could. But I fell in love with you. You're stubborn, funny, and you have the truest heart I've ever seen." He said and kissed me gently.

"Wanna have sex now?" I asked him.

He laughed and kissed me again. I stood in front of him and pushed lightly on his chest. He grinned and moved backward, leaning back against the pillows. I undid the dress, letting it fall to the floor. A playful smirk crossed his face as I crawled onto the bed toward him. He laid back as I moved over him. I pressed against him, feeling him quiver with anticipation. I grinned at him, kissing him, gently biting his lip. His hands moved over my body. I laid my body on top of his, running my fingers through his hair. He ran the back of his fingers down my face. I kissed him as I reached for his pants. I rolled off of him enough to pull his clothes off. His eyes never left mine. I kissed him, long, and deep. I loved this man and I couldn't wait till I could truly be his.

* * *

When I woke up Tristan was up against my back with his head over my shoulder. His arm was around me and our fingers were laced. I simply smiled and closed my eyes again. A moment later he moved and lifted his head from my shoulder. His fingers ran up the length of my arm, as his lips kissed my shoulder. I turned and he smiled down at me. 

"I didn't wake you did I?" He asked.

"No, I was already awake." I said putting my hands on his arms.

"Morning." He smiled and kissed me.

"I love you." I smiled back and kissed him again. "God I could do that all day." I said and kissed him harder.

He laughed and rolled out of bed. He put pants on and kissed me. I ran my hands down his chest. "I have to go. I'll see you later." I nodded. He kissed me once more as he grabbed a shirt. "I love you." He told me before he left the room.

I just sighed and laid down, hugging a pillow. My eyes moved to the ring on my finger and a broad grin moved across my face. I thought of Tristan and hugged the pillow tighter. I slept for only a short while longer before rolling out and getting myself ready for the day. When I left the room I nearly ran into Guinn.

"Hey you." I smiled.

"Hello." She smiled back. "How was your night?"

"Very good." I grinned at her. "Yours?"

"Wonderful."

"So did your man leave you this morning too?" I asked her.

"Yes, I'm assuming Tristan did as well?"

"Mm-hm." I replied.

We walked through the fortress mostly in silence. When we reached the fresh air everyone was already busy with the days work.

"So what now?" I asked her.

"We rely far too much on our men. We should be able to come up with something." She told me.

"The only thing I can come up with is to go wash my horse." I told her and crossed my arms.

"I need to go speak with my people." Guinn told me.

"I'll see you soon." I replied.

She walked away toward the woods and I just sighed making my way toward the stables. I opened Zeus's stall and he followed me as I made my way out. He moved to my side and I put my hand on his neck. We walked through the village before I jumped up onto his back. He nickered and started to trot forward. I didn't realize how excited he was to be out until we neared an open field and he took off. I just laughed as we picked up speed. We raced through the trees until his stamina ran out.

"That was fun." I told the horse and patted his neck.

* * *

After I bathed and put Zeus away I went to see Vanora. When I opened the door Vanora was in the kitchen while the kids played. Gilly was the first to notice me. 

"Paige!" He said rushing to me.

"Hey sweetie." I said as he hugged me.

"Paige, honey, what are you doing here?" Vanora asked me.

"Just wanted to stop by and say hello." I said as I hugged her.

"I thought you'd be with Tristan." She stated.

"He and the men are off doing whatever it is that they do. I suppose they're secretly preparing for the Saxons even though they haven't shown up yet. Just to be on the safe side." I told her.

"Do you think the Saxons will come?" Vanora asked me.

I nodded. "I do." I told her.

I left feeling a little worse than when I got there. If the Saxons came and Bors fought he would be risking leaving his family and that alone made me feel horrible. That whole guilt thing I had going on was annoying. I felt guilty even though I had nothing to do with the Saxons.

I was deep in thought when I was stopped by a young woman. She smiled at me nervously. I smiled back and was going to move on when she stopped me again.

"Are you all right?" I asked her. She nodded. "Can I help you with something?"

"Here." She said handing me the pieces of paper she was holding.

"What are these?" I asked before I looked at them. "Oh my God." I grinned as I looked at them. They were drawings. They were mostly of Tristan and me. Of us sitting together, of us dancing, kissing. Others were of the knights', some with me in them. "Did you draw these?" I asked her. She nodded. "They are magnificent, truly." I told her.

"Thank you. They are a wedding gift." She told me.

"Thank you so very much." I told her, pulling the girl into a hug. "Thank you." I told her again.

"You are welcome." She grinned.

"Is there anything I can do for you in return?" I asked her.

"Nothing." She said and walked away.

I watched her walk away before looking at the pictures again. They were truly magnificent. They were the best drawings I'd ever seen, better then pictures even. I smiled at them. There was one of Tristan that gave me goosebumps. I didn't know how she did it but she captured him perfectly. It was the perfect gift. I looked at my ring and gently played with it as I went on my way.

"Hey." I said to Tristan as I opened the door to our room, placing the drawings on the small desk.

"Hello." He smiled and kissed me.

"What were you up to?" I asked him.

"Just talking with the men." He replied.

"When do you think the Saxons are going to show?"

He looked at me then sighed. "Soon. We're lucky they haven't come yet."

I sighed and put my arms around him. "I guess the celebration is over."

He smiled and kissed me lightly. "Not yet."


	16. A Wedding

**Disclaimer: The usual...**

**A/N: Sorry that it's taken so long to update. Due to the holiday's I've had little access to posting more. Hopefully you'll all like the chapter. Reviews of any kind are always welcome! AND THANK YOU TO ALL MY REVIEWERS ESP. SPARKLEBERRY AND NOTAFRAIDTOLIVE!!!**

* * *

_**Chapter Sixteen: A Wedding**_

I woke up to yelling. I sat up as Tristan got out of bed, quickly pulling clothes on.

"What's going on?" I asked him.

"Stay here." He told me and ran from the room, following the commotion.

"Like hell." I said getting out of bed.

I threw on my clothes and ran out after him. The commotion was coming from outside. I ran out to see high flames. I was shocked. There was yelling and people were running around while others were just watching. Fear was clearly written on everyone's faces. I saw Tristan and the men and quickly made my way over to them.

"What's happening?" I asked them.

"Paige…" Tristan said. "I told you to stay in the room."

"And that means that something is wrong. Tell me what's going on."

"Scouts." Gawain told me.

I just looked at them. "Have they been taken care of?" I asked.

"Yes, but they set fire to the hay." Galahad replied. "It sent everyone into a frenzy."

"I see that." I said and ran my fingers through my hair. "What now?" I asked. They all just looked at me. "Why are you acting like you don't want to talk about this with me?"

"It's not that. We just don't know how fast the rest will follow." Lancelot told me.

"So we're officially in defensive mode." I stated. Everyone just stole glances at each other. "I'm going to go help put the flames out." I told them.

I ran to the nearest well and helped fill the buckets that everyone had brought. I grabbed one in each hand and ran back to the flames, throwing the water onto it. It was taking too long. I ran and grabbed a shovel. I dug it into the dirt and started to throw it into the flames. Through all of our efforts the flames finally died as the sun started to rise. The sky was just starting to lighten when the cleanup started. I took a moment to take a breather. I rubbed my forehead with the back of my hand. I was reaching for the old fashioned rake when my eyes caught Tristan. It was almost like a movie moment. His figure walking toward me through the smoke. His movement precise his eyes on mine. My hero…

I watched him closely. When he reached me I put my arms around his neck. He put his arms around me and buried his face in my neck. "I love you." I whispered.

"I love you." He whispered back. "Let's go get cleaned up."

"Yeah, I'm just going to finish helping them out than…" I stopped as I looked at Tristan. He was smiling at me. "What?" I asked.

"They can handle it." He smiled and took my hand in his.

"I'll feel bad." I told him.

"You've done enough." He replied and pulled me away from the site.

We walked back to our room and there was steaming water already waiting for us. I smiled and pulled off my shirt. It felt good to think about relaxing. I was tired. Most of the night was spent in a slightly fearful state and now that the panic was gone I needed to let loose and relax. I stretched my arms and when I dropped them to my sides I felt Tristan's hands. He put his arms around me, his face in my neck. I leaned against him and closed my eyes. He kissed my neck. I turned in his arms and kissed him deeply. I put my arms around his neck, my forehead against his. I ran my fingers through his hair. I kissed him once more before letting him go. I finished undressing and slipped into the water. It felt wonderful. Tristan smiled and undressed slipping into the water behind me. I leaned back against him. He kissed my neck as he gently moved a sponge over my body. I closed my eyes and took in this moment, feeling him against me, his kindness and love showing though even though we weren't saying a word. When he had finished he put his arms around me, holding me tightly against him. I ran my fingers up and down his arm, feeling him breathing against me, his breath on my neck as he lightly placed kisses there. I stood long enough to move behind him. I took the sponge and gently cleaned his body. I placed gentle kisses on his shoulders and across his back. When I was done I set the sponge aside and pulled Tristan against me. He leaned back and I wrapped my arms around him. I kissed his head, gently caressing his chest. He turned in my arms and kissed me passionately. I smiled and put my hand on his cheek. He stood up, helping me to my feet. We got out of the tub nearly tipping it over. I laughed as Tristan pulled me from the water. We dried off and crawled into bed. Tristan and I were facing each other, our bodies touching. I had my head on his arm. I put my arms around him. For a while we just stared at each other. Happy to be together. When my eyes felt heavy I rested my head against his chest and fell asleep.

* * *

We were woken up only a few hours later. The door burst open, scaring the crap out of me and Tristan shot out of bed. Guinn was standing in the doorway. She stared at Tristan momentarily before covering her eyes.

"Guinn!" I said grabbing my clothes.

"Sorry!" She said clearly embarrassed.

Tristan grabbed clothes and when we were both dressed we stood in front of her, our arms crossed. "What is it?" Tristan asked.

Guinn peaked through her fingers before dropping her hand. "I'm sorry. But it's Lucan." She said looking at me. "He's missing."

There was a clench in my chest. Both of us had grown attached to the boy in the dungeon and he had been Dag's charge. He had taken Dag's death hardest of all. He had been staying with Feliciana; I had thought he had settled in well.

"On foot?" I asked.

"Yes." Guinn replied.

I sighed and nodded, quickly following her from the room. We ran to the stables and I jumped up onto Zeus's back and joined the small search party that was waiting outside. It was simple, slit up and look for the boy. Guinn and I headed off together through the woods. The cemetery had already been checked and that was the only place anyone knew to look. He was a quiet boy, hardly ever saying a word. I was confident that we'd find him; he was just a boy, unable to make it very far. Only we weren't sure how long he had been gone.

"He better be all right." I told Guinn as we stopped to listen.

"He'll be fine." Guinn told me. "Where would he go?"

"I don't know." I replied. "It's been weeks. Why leave now? It doesn't make any sense."

We quieted and listened to the forest, hoping that we would be able to hear any movement. A stick broke nearby and we froze, turning toward the sound. A stag appeared and took off through the trees. I sighed and pulled my hair back, keeping it out of my face. We pushed on. As time passed my slight fear for the boy turned dire. Even though the weather was warm he was young and too much time alone would lead to nothing but trouble. When we had looked everywhere we could we returned to the fort. The sun was starting to set. We put the horses back before walking from the stalls.

I looked at Guinn who was looking rather distraught. "We'll find him." I told her, pulling her into a half hug. She nodded. "He'll be okay."

We stopped and waited for the rest to return. I didn't know what to say to her. She had been in the dungeon with Lucan longer than me and he had become like a brother to her. She saw me watching her and smiled.

"So, you and Tristan, when are you going to have the ceremony?" She smiled.

"I don't know. We haven't really talked about it." I replied. "You're changing the subject."

"It needs to be changed." She told me.

"You and Arthur than?" I asked.

She grinned at me. "No talk of marriage." She told me.

"You want to though, don't you?" I grinned back. She didn't say anything. "I thought so."

"Do you truly love him?"

"With everything in me."

We both grinned, thinking of our men, when something occurred to me. I frowned and then headed back to the stables. Guinn right on my heels.

"What is it?" Guinn asked.

"Why didn't I think of this before?" I said as I rushed through the stalls.

In a large stall in the back of the stables Dag's horse was being kept. I ran to the stall and threw the door open. The horse looked at me and between his legs was Lucan, fast asleep.

"Thank God." I said and knelt next to him. "Lucan…" I said gently rubbing his back. The horse sniffed me and Lucan before going back to his hay. "Lucan, wake up."

Guinn knelt next to me as Lucan sat up, looking confused as to why we were staring at him with concerned looks.

"Are you all right?" Guinn asked him.

"Yes." Lucan told her.

"What were you thinking?" I asked him. "We were worried about you." I told him. "Why didn't you tell anyone where you were going?" He shrugged, putting his hand on the horse's leg. "I understand." I told him. "Come on."

Guinn pulled him up and embraced him. He put his arms around her. It was sweet. I ran my hand down the back of his head before we left the stall. I closed the door and stroked the horse's neck before walking away. When we left the stables Arthur and the others were riding up. They all looked relieved to see Lucan with us.

"Where was he?" Tristan asked me.

"In Dag's horse's stall." I replied. He just looked at me. "I'm fine." I said putting my hand on his chest.

"You look tired." He replied.

"So do you." I smiled.

He put his hands on my arms and gently rubbed. Arthur and Guinn took Lucan back to Feliciana as everyone else started to disperse. Tristan and I went back to our room. I crawled onto the bed and sat, pulling my knees up against me.

"Could today get any worse? Between the fire and Lucan…" I said and took my hair down.

"I know a way to make it better." He told me. I looked at him, waiting for him to go on. "Let's get married."

"Tonight?" I asked him, a smile creeping onto my face.

"Tonight." He told me.

I grinned and kissed him. "Do you think we can pull it off?"

"Give me an hour." He said and kissed me.

"I don't have a dress." I told him, grabbing his hand as he made to leave.

"Go see Vanora. She's been saving something for me." He told me, kissing me again.

"You've put a lot of thought into this haven't you?" I asked him.

"I have to make everything perfect for you." He replied.

"It already is."

He smiled and kissed me before he left. I looked at the closed door letting it all sink in. For a moment I had a horrible doubt. My stomach lurched and for a moment I thought I was going to vomit. I realized how corny the past weeks have been. The bliss before everything comes crashing down. I sat there, having trouble breathing until the door burst open. Guinn was standing there with a wide grin on her face. I grinned back but still was unsure sitting there on the bed.

"What's wrong?" She asked me.

"I think I'm getting married tonight." I told her.

"I know. Come on!" She said grabbing my hand, pulling me off of the bed.

"Wait, wait, wait! I don't know if I can do this." I told her.

"Are you serious?" She asked me. "You've been waiting for this." She stated.

"I know. But all of a sudden I am just so unsure." I replied.

"It's just nerves. Come on!" She said dragging me from the room.

We ran through the corridors and by the time we were outside my nerves were diminished and I ran as fast as I could as we made our way toward Vanora and Bors's home. I was extremely jittery as I knocked and waited for the door to open.

"I'm getting married tonight." I blurted out to Bors when he opened the door.

"What?" He asked.

"Where's Vanora?" I replied.

"What's happening?" Vanora asked.

"Paige!" Gilly said appearing in the doorway.

"I'm getting married tonight." I told Vanora.

"Really?" She asked excitement in her voice.

"A-huh." I said and started to jump up and down.

"Get in here." She told me.

She hugged me tight before pulling me to her room. Bors was standing there not knowing what to think. Guinn hugged me as Vanora went through the dresses in her hutch. I watched and waited, not know what to expect. When she finally pulled a dress out it was clearly white and when she showed it to me tears came to my eyes. It was simple, but in the most beautiful way.

"It's amazing." I told her.

"Let's get you into it." Vanora grinned at me.

I grinned back and I couldn't help but laugh. "Okay."

An hour later I was in the dress and my hair was curled and pulled back in a beautiful way. The dress was snug but fit me perfectly. It was low in the front, showing some cleavage. It had a small train and the sleeves barely covered my shoulders. I felt wonderful and I knew that in just a matter of hours I'd be standing with Tristan, saying words that would bind us together forever. We were just about to leave when a thought occurred to me.

"Vanora? Could you do me a favor?" I asked her.

"Of course." She smiled. I grinned at her and hugged her tight.

* * *

An hour later there was a small gathering in the field with a priest present and everything else that a small wedding needed. The sun was nearly set and there were lamps alight around the group. I was standing with Guinn while Vanora made sure that Tristan was ready and that everything was on track. I didn't know what the major plan was but I knew that it was going to be wonderful.

"How are you feeling?" Vanora asked me when she had returned.

"Um…" I said and thought a moment. "I'm feeling good. I'm feeling really good."

"That's good." Vanora smiled.

"Tristan?" I asked her.

"He looks fantastic and he's is just as nervous as you." She told me.

"Oh, well, that makes me feel better." I said trying to work through my nerves.

"Okay, come on." Vanora said taking my hand. "It's time."

"Are you sure?" I asked her.

"You're ready."

"I know I'm ready." I told her and started to walk toward the field.

It took me a few minutes to get there. Everyone was standing, waiting for me to come. There was a small aisle and Bors was waiting at the end of it. Vanora hugged me tight and smiled at Bors before joining the kids. I turned to Guinn and she hugged me tighter than Vanora had and joined Arthur. I turned to Bors and grinned at him.

"Here to give me away?" I asked him.

"If you'll let me." He told me.

I grinned at him. "There's no one better." I told him and kissed his cheek.

He held out his arm. I put mine through his and faced the aisle. The torches were the only light there was, making it that much more romantic. Tristan was standing at the front and when my eyes met his any doubt I had melted away. Bors walked me up the aisle. He was perfect. When we reached the front I turned to him. His eyes looked wet. I laughed and kissed his cheek. He moved to Vanora as Tristan took my hand. I looked up at him and I wanted to kiss him so badly. I grinned at him and the look on his face made everything feel right. The priest was just about to start when the sky seemed to open up and rain started to fall. The torches flickered and I sighed looking down at the ground. Of all the things to happen.

"Do you want to stop?" Tristan asked me.

I looked up at him and smiled. "Nothing would make me stop now."

He grinned and gently caressed my face. "Let's start." He told the priest.

The priest smiled and started. I hardly listened to the words that he was saying. All I could see was Tristan. Our eyes were locked. I could see his smile but his eyes were telling me everything I needed to know. The rain seemed to make it that much better. He gently moved the hair from my face. I grinned and put my hand on his chest. We said the words that needed to be said, completely oblivious to the people around us. It was half way through the ceremony when Vanora did what I had asked her to do. I had written down the words to Avril's song and asked her to sing it for me at the wedding. I heard her start, the words flowing over the sound of the rain. The lyrics probably meant more to me than anyone but it was also a message to Tristan. I was in this for the long hull. I was in this forever and I was going to keep holding onto that for the rest of my life.

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We were laying in bed in each others arms. The marriage had been consummated and it seemed as if everything was now exactly where it should be. Everything was perfect. The ceremony had been perfect. The kiss at the end had been phenomenal and now I was his forever. I was so happy that I couldn't stop smiling. I looked at Tristan and even though we had done this tons of times it felt different. It felt more perfect than ever before. I felt so magnificent. Who knew that a simple title could change the way I felt as much as the word 'wife' had changed me. I was his wife. I was his wife…I couldn't believe it. He was my husband and I would be able to do this everyday for the rest of my life. I couldn't have asked for more. 


	17. The Arrival

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Knights in any way. I only own Paige and my own addaptation of the story.**

**A/N: So here is the next chapter. It's short but hopefully you'll enjoy it. Thanks for the review NotAfraidToLive! I REALLY appeciate it!!! **

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**_Chapter Seventeen: The Arrival_**

I couldn't sleep a wink. Neither could Tristan. He held me so tenderly and there was no where else I wanted to be. All I wanted was to be right there with him.

"How is my wife doing this evening?" He asked quietly.

"Your wife is having a glorious time staring at her husband." I replied and kissed him.

"Are you happy?"

"I am deliriously happy." I grinned and kissed him again. "Are you happy?"

He grinned and kissed me. "You have no idea how happy I am."

"Always nice to hear." I said and kissed him again.

I couldn't stop smiling at him. I finally had everything I ever wanted. I laughed and kissed him as he ran his fingers up and down my side. We played around briefly before lying in each others arms. We were nearly asleep when we heard pounding in the corridor. It was getting closer and then it arrived at ours. Someone pounded on the door.

"What now?" I asked wrapping a fur around me.

"Wait here." He told me and put pants on before going to the door.

He opened it to see Gawain standing there. "Come to the wall." He said flatly.

"Oh God." I said and quickly got out of bed.

"No, you stay here." Tristan told me.

"Are you kidding me?" I asked pulling on clothes. "Whether you like it or not its official. We're in this together. I'm going with you, that's that."

He didn't argue. He nodded and took my hand as we made our way to the wall. I could hear the fires cracking as soon as we left the fortress. Dread filled me as we made our way to the wall. At the top of the stairs we could look out over the land to see fires covering the massive field. Their numbers were great. A moment later Arthur came and looked out over the enemy. There was a moment as we all looked at each other.

"Knights, my journey with you must end here. May God go with you." Arthur said and turned away from the wall.

I looked at Tristan. He looked worried. I wished I knew what he was thinking. For the first time in a long time I couldn't read him. This was supposed to be the happiest night of my life. This was supposed to be my day, our day, and it's now been disturbed by the arrival of the enemy. I looked at the other men and all of them looked to be at odds with what they knew and what they wanted. Bors took my hand briefly before he left the wall. I didn't know what to think. We needed to leave. The only thing left was for them to decide whether they were going to stay and fight or embrace their freedom and leave. Gawain came up to me and kissed my forehead, hugging me tight.

"This feels final." I told him.

"Nothing is ever final." He told me and smiled, winking as he walked away.

I looked back at Tristan. He was simply looking back at me. "Should I be worried?" I asked him.

"No." He said shaking his head. "Let's go pack."

I smiled and kissed him deeply. Even though he was going to leave I couldn't help but worry. Arthur's words told us that he was going to stay. That he was going to fight. The men no longer were obligated to stay but none could deny a sense of need to stay.

* * *

The night was long. Panic moving though the people. I had little to pack as well as Tristan. As I moved around gathering what we needed I remembered the drawings on the desk. I picked them up and looked at them, fighting the tears that wanted to come to my eyes. I pushed them away and carefully rolled up the drawings and carefully packed them away. When we had what we needed I sat on the bed, trying to grasp what this meant. Tristan sat next to me. He took my hand in his and kissed my palm. I took his face in my hands and kissed him deeply.

"You have to promise me that you'll leave with me. Promise me that you'll just walk away. Just this once. I need you. I'm your wife and I need you to be with me. But if you do choose to stay know that I will stay with you. I will not leave your side. You are my husband and I will follow you until the end. But please…please just promise me that you'll leave with me." I said, a tear falling down my cheek.

Tristan kissed the tear away. "I promise." He said and kissed me passionately.

"Thank you." I told him putting my forehead against his. "I love you so very much."

"I love you too."

He held me the rest of the night. I was scared and the comfort of him holding me made me feel like everything was going to be okay. He was all I needed and the threat that lay outside was more threatening than any they had ever faced.

By morning everyone was packed and ready to leave. Caravans were already leaving the fortress. Arthur was the only one to be left behind. I had Tristan at my side, both of us ready to leave. Zeus was antsy and I couldn't blame him. As we made our way from the fortress everything seemed so empty. Guinn was staying with her people, ready to fight alongside Arthur. I didn't get a chance to see her before we left. I only hoped that I would get the chance to see her again. She was a close friend. I wished she was here. But she was needed with her own people, getting them ready for the battle. I felt guilty for leaving but sometimes the best thing you can do is run. The only thing that lay behind us was imminent death.


	18. Battle at Badon Hill

**Disclaimer: See previous chapters. Blah Blah Blah**

**A/N: Well, I was going to wait for a review before posting the next chapter but I just couldn't wait. With the story's end in site I'm just too excited. My ending is known and now all I want is to get it all in here. Enjoy!**

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**__**Chapter Eighteen: Battle at Badon Hill**_

We were still inside the wall when we saw Arthur's figure up on top of the hill, his flag, blowing in the wind. I stared at him, praying that he would be okay. I stalled for a moment, my eyes on him. Bors rode from the group and hollered 'rus' up to him. For a moment Arthur remained silent before hollering the word back. Bors rejoined us and we continued on our way. Soon the drums of the Saxons were heard, signaling that they were about to move. Only moments later Zeus seemed to snap and he started to rear, crying out, trying to run. I held him back. All the horses seemed to have snapped. I put my hand on his neck, doing my best to calm him down. Once he had calmed I stroked his neck. I looked at the men. They all seemed unnerved by the horses' outbursts. Lancelot was looking at us all as a small grin crossed his face, all our eyes on him. I looked at Tristan. His eyes met mine; they stayed there until it seemed he had made up his mind. He looked at his bird, clicked to get her attention, before telling her that she was free. He tossed her into the air and she flew high into the sky, disappearing into the clouds of smoke from the fortress. I knew what it meant. I closed my eyes, lowering my head. Soon the knights were dismounting putting on their armor, preparing for battle. I stayed on Zeus trying to wrap my head around what was inevitable. I watched, my breathing becoming hard, the sound of it all that I could hear. Finally I snapped out of it and dismounted, rushing to Tristan.

"Don't do this." I told him.

"I have to." He replied without looking at me.

"No, you don't. You promised me." I said grabbing his arm.

He looked at me, pain in his eyes. "Yes I do. You need to continue on with the others." He told me.

"I'm not leaving you." I told him.

"Paige…"

"Tristan…" I said. "I'm just as stubborn as you and I told you that if you were to stay I'd stay with you."

"You're afraid." He replied.

"Of course I'm afraid. I'm afraid for you, I'm afraid for the men, I'm also afraid of dying but that won't change my mind." I told him grabbing my bag and taking out my weapons. I put my bow over my shoulder with arrows, the dagger in my pocket. "I'm staying with you." I stated.

His eyes locked with mine. He sighed and took my arm. "Stay as far away from the fighting as you can. Use the bow." He said handing me extra arrows. "If you get hurt…" He said but stopped.

"I know." I replied. "Right back at ch'ya." I said and kissed him.

The men prepared quickly before putting armor on their horses. I had none for Zeus but if all went well I wouldn't need it. When they were done we watched the caravans carry on before turning back toward Arthur. We rode through the fortress and up the hill to join him. He seemed surprised to see us all there and when my eyes met his, a flicker of fear shot through me. I averted my eyes and looked out past the wall at the awaiting enemy. Arthur smiled at the knights'. Arthur moved from the line and faced his men.

"Knights, the gift of freedom is yours by right. But the home we seek resides not in some distant land. It's in us and in our actions on this day. If this be our destiny, then so be it. But let history remember that as free men we chose to make it so."

"Rus!" We all yelled, the knights' driving the flags they held into the ground.

I took a deep breath as the drums started and the sounds of the Saxons approaching was heard. The doors opened and the enemy marched onto the field. I looked at Tristan. I smiled and nodded my head. He kissed me passionately before riding off with the other men. I watched as they moved forward to confront the enemy. I stayed behind on the hill, readying my bow. Arthur had a plan of attack but that wouldn't stop the Saxons from coming.

As the Saxons marched toward the hill the sound of whooshing arrows was heard and soon they could be seen falling among the Saxons. Next, I could hear Bors's war cries as the men rode through the Saxons, killing them as they ran through. I stayed where I was, waiting for my moment. Soon they had beaten the first group of Saxons, leaving one alive to return to the men, half dead.

The sounds of the Saxon drums and yelling resumed, signaling that the rest of the men were approaching. My breath caught in my throat as I watched them all run into the fortress. The field being covered with them. I found Tristan among the knights and knew that I couldn't stay in the shadows. I needed to be in the thick of it with them. I didn't come this far to be left behind. I moved Zeus forward and joined the men.

"What are you doing?" Tristan asked me.

"Keeping my word." I replied. "Kiss me." I said grabbing his shirt. He kissed me deeply, gently caressing my face before turning back to the enemy.

The Saxons were marching toward us now. Arthur raised his sword and soon flaming arrows covered the sky, igniting the oil covered trenches that had been put in place. Fire sprouted from the ground. Moments later the cries from the Woads were heard and their forms could be seen running toward the Saxons, ready to fight. I followed the men as we rode out to join the fight. I didn't know what to expect but I knew that I could handle it. I needed to. Raising my bow I quickly put several arrows into the Saxon's closest to me. I saw Guinn nearby and I quickly dismounted and went to fight by her side. I pulled the dagger from my pocket and put it through the neck of the nearest Saxon. I was in thick now, no turning back. A Saxon came at me and for a moment I blanked on what to do before grabbing the spear out of a man and running the Saxon through. Guinn was hit to the ground and I quickly buried the dagger in the man's side. I was about to moved on when I heard the yell of a man behind me. Tristan had run through the man who was about to do the same to me. I simply smiled at him. Pulling him into me long enough for our lips to touch before rushing off to help anyone I could. I continuously moved, hoping that it would prevent me from being run through. I grabbed a shield from the ground and used it to knock down the Saxon charging me. I stabbed him in his chest. I was about to stand when pain seared through my side. I pulled the spear head out and stabbed the man in the eye. I heard a loud neigh and I turned to see Zeus charging through the crowd. I ran through two Saxons before pulling myself up onto his back, a sword now in my hands. I looked for Guinn. She was fighting hard but Lancelot was now with her. I moved through the endless men to find Tristan. I needed to fight along side him, to make sure that he was safe. I swung the sword at the Saxons I passed finding it easier than anything I had learned on the ground. Soon I spotted Tristan. He was fighting the Saxon leader. My heart skipped a beat as I pushed Zeus faster toward him. I watched as Tristan was slashed across his side. I rushed forward and rammed Zeus into the Saxon before dropping from his back. He was momentarily distracted, turning toward me, giving Tristan the advantage. The Saxon was slashed across his back. He swung his sword, the blade catching me across my stomach. The pain overtook me momentarily before I got to my feet. I looked at my wound. It was shallow. I looked back at Tristan. He was on the ground. I rushed the Saxon only to be back handed hard enough to send me to the ground. I was no match for him, I knew that, but I needed to help Tristan in any way that I could. They fought briefly before Tristan's arm was cut. He fell to the ground, clearly in pain. I was about to run to him when I was grabbed from behind. I was thrown, rolling across the ground. I got to my feet and faced my attacker. The only thing in my mind was Tristan. Fury seemed to escape me as I ran him through, followed by three others. I was cut across my back, sending me to the ground. When I looked up the Saxon had Tristan by the arm, driving his own sword into his side. I screamed and rushed forward as fast as I could. I watched as the Saxon pulled him to his feet. I could see Arthur nearby, so could the Saxon. With one quick movement he slashed Tristan across his body. I watched him fall to the ground. He didn't get back up. Everything was moving in slow motion. I screamed again, yelling Tristan's name. Before I reached him Arthur was in the thick of it with the leader. I rushed to Tristan, dropping next to him.

"Tristan…no…Tristan, baby?" I said taking his head in my hands. "This can't be happening." I said aloud, tears falling from my eyes. "Tristan…?"

"Paige…" He said looking up at me.

"Hey." I smiled down at him, trying to hold back my tears. "You're going to be okay. You're always okay." I told him.

He put his hand on my face and gently caressed it. "You're so beautiful." He whispered.

"Please, please be all right." I told him. "I can't live without you."

"You'll be all right." He replied. "I'll never leave you."

"Just get up Tristan." I said pulling him up into my arms. "Come on, you need to get up."

He yelled in pain. "I can't. I can't do it."

I started to sob, holding him against me. "I can't lose you. I won't survive." I told him. "This can't be happening."

I looked down at him, my eyes meeting his. He smiled and ran his fingers down my face. I gently rubbed his face, knowing that these were the last moments I'd be able to spend with him. He was fading. There was nothing I could do.

"I love you, so much." I told him, doing my best to be strong.

"I love you." He replied.

I kissed him hard and deep, trying to hold onto it for as long as possible. He kissed me back passionately, the last strength he had in him. When I needed to breath I put my forehead against his.

"You have to promise me something." He told me.

"Anything." I said as the tears started to stream again.

"Promise me that you'll be happy."

"Then promise me that you won't die." I replied.

"Promise me that you'll find love again. Have a family. Three kids and five dogs." He said and smiled at me.

I couldn't help but laugh that he had remembered that. "You're the love of my life. I can't promise you that. You are my world. You have to stay with me Tristan. I need you in order to survive." I told him.

"You're stronger than me. Now promise me…please." He said gazing into my eyes.

I looked back before closing them. "I promise." I told him, kissing him again.

I held him against me. His arms wrapped around me, holding me as tightly as he could. I comforted him as best I could. Soon his breathing grew shallow. His arms fell away from me. I heard them hit the ground. My body started to shake and I closed my eyes not wanting to believe what happened. I finally opened my eyes and looked down at him. His eyes were half lidded and the last thing he said to me was 'I love you' before he died in my arms. I had never felt such grief as I did in that moment. I screamed in agony. I held him against me and sobbed, yelling out, just wanting him back. I was still holding him when my hair was grabbed and I was drug away from him. I fought against the man and managed to free myself. I stood quickly but didn't have a weapon. I had dropped the dagger when I watched Tristan being killed. I faced him, waiting for him to charge me. When he did I moved aside and kicked the back of his knees, sending him to the ground. I took his head in my hands and snapped his neck, the crack echoing in my ears, his body falling to the ground. I took the sword that he had been carrying and buried it in the belly of the enemy. I yelled and slashed the back of a Saxons knees. Only minutes later the yelling and screaming died down. We were triumphant. When there was no Saxon left to kill I went back to Tristan. I fell to my knees and yelled out again, before cradling him in my arms. I sobbed into him, not able to control myself. Soon I felt hands on my arms and Bors knelt in front of me. I looked up at him. He was barely visible through my tears. He took Tristan from my arms. I didn't have the strength to fight him on it. I felt an arm around my waist and I was brought to my feet. I was then swept up and I looked into the face of Gawain. I watched Bors put Tristan's body across his shoulders. The tears started again and I buried my face in Gawain's neck. He held me tight against him. I closed my eyes and cried into him as he carried me across the field. We stopped and I looked down to see Lancelot dead on the ground. I shed silent tears, leaning against Gawain. My eyes fell on Tristan's body. Soon there was only darkness as I fell unconscious.


	19. Aftermath

**Disclaimer: You know it. I know it.**

**A/N: Here is the next chapter. I hope you all aren't too upset but I have plans. Hopefully ones that will make up for it. **

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_Chapter Nineteen: Aftermath_

When I woke up the sun was down and there were sounds all over the fortress. I slowly rolled off of the bed. I stood only to have my lightheadedness make me sit down again. I closed my eyes and put my head in my hands. Once the feeling subsided I stood. I was in our room, rather, our old room. Tears immediately sprung to my eyes as I looked around the room. There was only a single candle for light. I went to the door, opening it. I was nearly run over as people rushed through the corridors. It seemed that everyone had heard of our good fortune and had returned home. I walked toward Lancelot's room only to remember that he too was no longer here. I wiped the tears from my eyes before going to the fortress entrance. Outside I could see the aftermath of the battle. Even more tears filled my eyes as I looked around. Bodies were lying everywhere. The grass was painted red with blood. People were yelling and I could hear the grieving from those who had lost loved ones. I took a deep breath, trying to pull myself together. I need to find the men. I needed to know where Tristan was. I needed to see him. I paused, trying to decide where to look for him. I looked toward the stables, remembering the moments we had there. I ran my fingers through my hair and pushed the memory away. I was about to walk away when my shoulder was grabbed. It scared me, making me jump. I fell to the ground and blocked myself as I looked up at the person who had touched me.

"Paige…" Gawain said as he looked down at me.

The moment of panic sent my body into uncontrollable shaking and I started to cry. I covered my face as I cried on the ground. He knelt down and pulled me into his arms. I sobbed into him. Once I had gained some control he helped me to my feet. I put my arms around him and cried into him.

"Paige, what are you doing out here?" He asked me.

"Where is he?" I asked him.

"Paige…" He started sympathetically.

"Where is he Gawain? I _need _to see him. _I need to_." I told him desperately.

He looked at me a moment, moving the hair from my face. "Come with me." He said putting an arm around me.

He led me back into the fortress. We went into an area I had never been before. There was room with a lantern lit outside of it. Gawain slowing opened the door and inside there was a body laying atop a table. He lit lanterns inside the room, illuminating it, revealing Tristan's body. He kissed my head before he left the room, closing the door behind him. My eyes were locked on the body in front of me. I walked over to the table, not wanting to believe what I was seeing. They had removed his armor. I put one hand on his chest, my other on his face. I gently caressed it before running my fingers through his hair. He was still bloody and dirty from the battle. I looked over his body before feeling so angry. I left the room and quickly found a basin with water and returned to him. I took the rag and put it in the warm water. I rung it out and as tears ran down my cheeks I slowly started to clean his body.

"You're a fool." I told him. "You promised me. I knew you would stay but I had hoped you might have cared enough for me to just leave. I needed you to leave. I was afraid of this. I was so afraid and I turned out to be right. Not only did you stay but you got yourself killed." Anger was starting to seep into me. "I love you so much and now you've widowed me. We were just married and now I'm alone again. I had plans for us. Plans that required a life to happen. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you and now I'm alone." I told him and paused. I ran my fingers down his face. "I know I promised you that I'd find love again, but I don't think I can do it. You were the one for me. After Derek I thought I was to be alone forever but then I fell in love with you. It felt so right that _then _I knew who I was meant to be with. I was meant to be with you. I saw a future with you, a family, a life. Now all of that is gone forever, just as you are." I said and rested my head on his chest. "I love you…so much." I said as tears started to stream from my eyes. I laid across his body sobbing into him. I cried until everything that I had pent up inside of me burst out. I stood and screamed into the room. I took the basin and smashed it against the wall. I took the stool and did the same, the shattered pieces littering the floor. I paused and yelled out again. I turned to Tristan's body and became so mad at him. I rushed over to the table and started to pound on his chest. "HOW DARE YOU!" I yelled as I pounded. "HOW DARE YOU LEAVE ME LIKE THIS! COME BACK! PLEASE! I NEED YOU TO COME BACK! I HATE YOU FOR LEAVING ME! PLEASE TRISTAN! Come back…" I said, sobbing again. I stopped pounding on his chest, falling to my knees. I cried so hard that I thought I'd never catch my breath again. I crawled onto the table next to him, moving his arm around me. I put his hand in mine. I looked at his face and kissed his lips repeatedly. I kissed his eyes and forehead before resting my head on his chest. I continued to cry until exhaustion took me.

* * *

When I woke up my eyes felt puffy and was painful when I finally opened them. I was still laying next to Tristan. I rolled off of the table, putting my hand to my head. It was pounding, my world spinning. I had my eyes closed and knowing what I was going to see when I opened them made me want to keep them closed forever. I slowly opened them to see Tristan's pale face. Tears immediately filled my eyes. My husband, my friend, my lover, was still dead in front of me. Part of me still wished that it had all been some kind of bad dream. I covered my eyes with my hand and silently cried my throat was so sore that it hurt to swallow. I looked down at him and ran my hand down his face. I moved to the wall and slid to the ground, my eyes locked on Tristan. I didn't know how long I sat there, staring at him. When I felt like I had calmed down to the point of sanity I stood and walked back to the table. I thought I had control of myself but looking down at him made that feeling melt away. I ran my fingers down his face, my thumb across his lips.

"I'm sorry." I whispered. "I'm so sorry." I said and started crying again. Moments later the door slowly opened. Bors, Gawain, and Galahad came in. "What do you want?" I asked them.

"Honey, it's time." Bors told me softly.

"No it's not." I told him, looking down at Tristan. "I need more time."

"Paige, more time will not stop the pain." Bors told me.

"I don't care." I told him harshly. "I need more time with him."

"Paige, come with me." Gawain said putting his hands on my arms.

"Don't touch me!" I yelled and moved away from him. "Get out! All of you!" I told them.

"No, it's time to let him go." Bors told me.

"I'll say when it's time and it's not time." I told him. I looked down at Tristan and gently caressed his face. "I can't let him go." I said, my voice quivering.

"I know this hurts, huh? But –" Bors started.

"You don't know." I told him. "You haven't lost Vanora. She's still here so how could you possibly know what I'm feeling?" I asked.

He sighed. "I don't." He admitted. "But we need to take him. He can't stay here."

I knew that he was right. I knew that he needed to be buried but I just couldn't imagine going on without him. I couldn't imagine how I was going to keep going when he wasn't here. Every moment hurt, every moment left like I was dying. I didn't know what I was going to do without him here with me. The tears started again and Bors turned me into him. I covered my face, putting my head against his chest. I heard movement behind me and I moved away from Bors to see Galahad and Gawain moving Tristan's body.

"What are you doing?" I yelled stopping them. I shoved both of them away from him. "Stay away from him." I warned.

"Paige…" Bors said grabbing my arm. "It's time." He told me firmly.

"No!" I yelled trying to push him away. "No! Please, please don't take him away from me! Please!" I pleaded fighting against him. "I can't lose him! I need him!" I told him, tears streaming. I pulled away from him. "Don't touch him!" I yelled at the others. "Don't you dare touch him!" I gripped Tristan's shirt, refusing to let him go. "Don't take him. You can't take him." I said quietly. The men in front of me all had expressions of pain written all over their faces. "It wasn't supposed to end like this." I told them shakily. "We were supposed to be happy. We were supposed to grow old together. We just got married for Christ's sake." I said and took a deep breath, more tears falling. "I love him so much and now he's gone." I said breaking down again. "Why did this happen? Why do I have to lose him?" I cried. Gawain moved to me and put his arms around me. I gripped him, crying into his shoulder. I looked over his shoulder to see Bors and Galahad taking Tristan from the table. I sobbed harder into Gawain and closed my eyes, unable to watch. When they were out of the room I let go of Gawain and looked at the empty table. I covered my mouth as tears ran from my eyes. "He's gone." I said aloud.

"I know baby." Gawain said coming up behind me, putting his hands on my arms. "I know." He said again and kissed the back of my head.

Gawain led me back to the room and I looked at our things. I wiped tears from my cheeks and walked to the bed, running my hand down his side of the bed.

"You should get cleaned up." Gawain told me.

"No." I said and shook my head.

"You may not feel like it but let's clean you up." He told me.

I heard him moving about but I tuned him out. I put my hand on his pillow and closed my eyes. All the memories of us lying in bed together filled my mind. The night the Saxons arrived he held me so tenderly. Nothing could make me feel as safe as he did. I sat on the bed and I could almost feel his hands on me. I put my hands on my arms and let the memories flow through me. As long as I had those he would never die. I opened my eyes and looked around the room. Gawain moved in front of me, kneeling down. I looked at him, seeing Tristan in him. I had to look away. He took my arm and started to clean the blood and dirt from me.

"We should clean your wounds." He told me and slowly lifted my shirt to see the wounds. "I'm sorry." He told me sympathetically.

"I'm sorry too." I told him shakily.

* * *

Nearly an hour later Gawain was leading me to the cemetery. I was detached and emotionally drained. I hardly realized where we were walking. It wasn't until the small gathering was in view when I stopped to notice. I saw the two holes, one with a mound of dirt next to it and the other having straw placed on top of it. I moved to Tristan's grave and saw his wrapped body lying inside of it. The tears started again. Guinn rushed to me, holding me tight. I cried as a few words were said. When they were about to start to fill in the grave Bors stopped them.

"Wait…Paige." He said turning to me. "Is there anything you want to say?" He asked.

I looked at him for a long time. I thought a moment. I smiled just thinking about him. "Tristan was a good man. The best I know. He wasn't exactly the most outgoing but he had a big heart." I told them, several smiled. "He was also a terrific knight. He was loyal and kind, yet hard when he needed to be. He always hit his mark." I said and smiled again. "I'm going to miss him, so much." I said tears starting again. "I will never forget him. He was the love of my life." I said and laughed a little wiping the tears away. I knelt by the edge of the grave and looked down at his body. "I love you so much. You'll always be with me. I miss you. Goodbye." I said and stood, stepping backward.

I felt Gawain's hands on my arms. I leaned against him as I watched them shovel the dirt into the hole. At the same time Arthur was handed a flaming torch and he lit the straw that covered Lancelot's body. Flames rose into the air as his body burned. His wish now fulfilled. When the flames died down and the grave finished I stood there staring at the mound. They placed his sword into the earth and the bowl of flames in front of it. Soon everyone left, except for me and the knights.

"We should go, yeah?" Bors asked me.

"I'd like to stay here for a while." I told him, my eyes never leaving the mound.

"You need to rest." He told me.

"Don't father me." I told him, now looking at him. "Please, I just want to be alone with him, in any way that I can."

He looked at my eyes and sighed. "All right." He said and kissed my cheek before walking off.

"Thank you." I told him.

I looked at them all. They all gave me sympathetic smiles before leaving me alone. I sighed when they were gone. Closing my eyes, lifting my chin to the sky. There was a warm breeze that flowed over me. I knelt down and put my hand in the fresh dirt, letting it filter through my fingers. Tears came to my eyes and I silently let them fall, not fighting them, just letting my emotions flood out of me. Hoping that somehow he knew I was here. As I thought about it I pushed the tears away, remembering what I had promised him. I stared at the sword and gently ran my fingers down its handle and blade. Time passed, the sun barely a line on the horizon. I shivered slightly as the cool evening air passed by me. All the while I stayed silent, just wanting to be near him. Just wanting to know that he was close, even if it were only his body. I didn't speak until I was trying to build the courage to leave. Tears came back to my eyes, everything running through my head.

"You wouldn't want me to dwell on your death. I know that." I said aloud. "I promised you but you can't expect me to move on any time soon. Someday maybe…" I said and filtered more dirt through my fingers. "You fought when you didn't have to and you gave your life when you could have turned away. You did all of that as a free man. It was what you wanted. On some level I know that. I just wish I didn't have to lose my husband so soon. But I will honor your request the best I can." I told him. "I love you with all my heart. I'll see you soon."

I stood and lingered by the grave only minutes more before slowly backing away from the grave. I finally turned and walked away, leaving the cemetery as fast as I could. I walked briskly through the fortress, before running as fast as I could back to the room. I pushed open the door and slammed it behind me. I started to bawl again, sliding to the floor. I stayed there only moments before rushing to the bed, throwing myself down on top of it, sobbing onto the blankets. When they slowed I took deep breaths as exhaustion started to set in. But as I lay there I took in their scent and I could smell Tristan on them. I could smell him and wanted him so badly. I started crying again, knowing that he would never touch me again. He would never smile at me, run his fingers through my hair, kiss my lips. We would never make love again. Knowing that the last time we made love was our wedding night was painful. We didn't get the chance to start a life together. I was left alone with only my memories. I moved up to the pillows, laying on my side, holding his pillow against my chest, taking in its scent. I laid there, the room silent. Soon after sleep took me.


	20. What Comes Next?

**Disclaimer: You and I both know it.**

**A/N: Here is the next chapter. I hope you enjoy! **

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_Chapter Twenty: What comes next?_

"Where is she?" Bors asked the other knights.

"Still in her room." Gawain replied. "I just checked on her."

"Is she asleep?" He asked.

"No, just staring off into oblivion. I tried to talk to her but she wouldn't say anything. She wouldn't even look at me."

"What are we going to do?" Galahad asked.

"There's nothing we can do." Bors told them.

The men sat around the table, helpless to do anything for their friend. The distance between them and the young girl had grown to be immeasurable. She wouldn't move from the bed. She held tight to the pillow. If she moved then she did when no one was around. She had a continuous glazed look in her eyes. None could imagine what she was going through. It was no secret how in love they were. It was still amazing to them how much Tristan loved that woman. He loved her enough to marry her, only to be killed on what was supposed to be a night of happiness. Helplessness was something that none of them were used to. Something that they wished they could so something about.

* * *

I felt horribly tired as I laid there, holding Tristan's pillow. I was so tired and yet the more I slept the worse I began to feel. I felt cold, the blankets unable to keep me warm. I rarely left the room and when I did it was always brief. I avoided everyone, making sure I timed it when I knew people wouldn't be around. I'd return to the room and lay in bed, thinking of the past and what the future may have been like. I knew the knights were worried but I honestly didn't care. They'd come in and sit next to me. They'd talk to me, hoping that I'd respond to them, but I never did. I had nothing to say to them. All I wanted was to be alone. I remembered when I had first arrived and how Tristan had forced me to my feet. He had forced me to take a bath, to get cleaned up. The more I thought about it the more I realized that lying in bed was not the answer. As much as I wanted to fade away thinking of Tristan and the way he was made me smile. For the first time in days I requested bath water be brought to my room. Our usual maid brought the water as well as a tray of food. I thanked her and she lingered until I opened the door to escort her out. She rushed from the room. I locked the door and undressed, slipping into the water. I cleaned up and relaxed as best I could until the water was nearly cold. I got out and put on a robe, crawling into bed again. I pulled the covers up to my neck, the pillow safely in my arms. I closed my eyes and took deep breaths, trying to fall asleep. It took longer than I liked but soon I did fall asleep.

* * *

When I woke up Tristan was kneeling next to the bed. For a moment I just stared at him before tears came to my eyes. I ran my hand down his face. He smiled at me. I quickly got up and threw my arms around his neck. I held onto him as tight as I could. I cried into him. I pulled away and took his head in my hands, kissing him deeply.

"I thought you were dead." I cried. He just smiled at me. "I love you, I love you, I love you." I told him repeatedly.

"I love you too." He said and kissed me. "I love you so much, my dear wife."

I smiled and kissed him again. "I can't live without my husband." I said and kissed him again.

"Yes you can." He told me gently. My smile faltered. "You need to get up. You need to get up and get out of this room. You need to love and remember me but do not let me hold you back. Do not let me destroy who you are."

"Tristan, what are you talking about?" I asked him.

"You are a magnificent woman. You can ride and fight with the best of us. You have courage I have never seen in a woman. You love with all of you and your trust is never ending. You have so much to give. Don't let me change you. You need to go on and do everything we ever talked about doing. You need to make a family. You need to pass on the things about you that I love so dearly. Maybe return home someday."

"I am home." I told him. "My home is with you."

"I'll always be with you. Nothing can change that."

"You're being too sentimental. What's wrong with you?"

"Your home isn't with us here. It's with the people of your own time."

A pit fell in my stomach. "I never told you that. Did Arthur tell you that?" I asked him.

"You've done all you can here. Go home."

"You're scaring me." I told him.

"There is nothing to fear. I will always be with you. Now get up. Live again."

I just looked at him. He kissed me passionately, his fingers in my hair. I put my own through his hair and held him tight against me. It was the best kiss I had ever experienced. It was full of all the emotion I was feeling. It felt final though. Like this would be the last time. When we parted he simply smiled and gently caressed my face.

* * *

I opened my eyes and rolled onto my back. The room was dark. I had been asleep for quite awhile. Tears ran from the corners of my eyes. The dream had felt so real. It had felt like he was right here with me. In a way he had been. He would always be with me, but I could still feel his hands on mine. I knew it was just my mind trying to make it seem okay. It would never be okay, but I knew that he was right. I had to get up.

I slowly rolled out of bed and put on a nice dress. I opened the door and slowly made my way through the corridors. When I went outside the moon was high but I could hear voices. I walked to the tavern to see the few remaining knights sitting at our usual table. I slowly walked over to them. I touched Bors shoulder and he looked up at me. He didn't say a word. He simply stood and embraced me. Hugging me tight. Gawain and Galahad stood as well, both hugging me tight. There were footsteps behind me and I turned to see Guinn and Arthur walked toward us. Guinn hugged me tight. I looked at Arthur and he smiled before pulling me into him. I closed my eyes and let his comfort touch me. I sat down and Bors handed me his drink. I drank graciously before smiling at them all. They all grinned and laughed before conversation continued. I mostly sat and listened but the fact that I was there was a big step for me. Soon Vanora joined us, sitting next to me, taking my hand in hers. I grinned at her and rested my head on her shoulder. We stayed till the crack of dawn, connecting again. When everyone was finally turning in I sat there. Not knowing what to do or where to go. I didn't want to go back to the room just yet. So many memories and too much time had been spent there to go back alone just yet. I wasn't alone for long, soon Bors, Gawain, Galahad, Guinn, and Arthur sat around me again. I smiled at them.

"I'm okay." I told them.

"We know." Arthur told me.

I nodded at him. "I just don't know what to do with myself."

"You're always welcome to come home with me." Bors told me.

I took his hand in mine. "That's very kind of you honey, but I don't think a home full of kids is the right place for me right now." I told him. He smiled, nodding.

"Come with me." Gawain told me. "It's quiet and you won't be alone."

No one objected, waiting for me to reply. I nodded, "Okay."

We all stood and I followed Gawain to his room inside the fortress. It was a large room and looked nothing like Tristan's and my room. It was a nice change. I sat on the bed and pulled my knees up against me. Gawain stood at the foot of the bed. Watching me.

"You can sit down." I smiled at him. He grinned and sat in front of me.

"Are you truly okay?" He asked.

"No." I told him, still smiling. He nodded. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course." He replied.

"What comes next? What am I supposed to do? Do I stay here with you or do I try and find a way home? I don't know what to do."

"What do you want to do?" He asked me.

I gave a short laugh. "What do I want to do? I want to see Tristan again. I want to feel him. I want him to hold me again. What I don't want is to feel like this anymore. I don't want to feel broken anymore. I feel bad all the time. It won't stop. It won't go away. I don't want to feel bad anymore but I don't know how to make it stop. They say time heals everything, but I'm still waiting. I know it won't be easy. It's not like I haven't had to deal with this before but this time it is so much worse. I was married for one whole day. Not even one day. That wasn't enough. It wasn't supposed to end like this." I told him.

He gently ran his fingers down my face. "I wish I could take your pain away. We all do."

"I know. It's not going to happen, but I know." I replied. A silence hung between us. "So, what have I missed?" I asked him.

"Arthur and Guinevere are to be wed the day after tomorrow." He told me.

"They didn't say anything tonight." I told him.

"They didn't want to hurt you." He replied.

I smirked and nodded. "Yeah, I suppose that might sting a little, but I'm happy for them. I really am." I told him.

"You should get some rest. How are your wounds?"

"Healing."

He smiled and laid next to me. I looked at him, hoping that this wouldn't be awkward. I laid on my said, facing the edge of the bed. He blew the candles out and darkness filled the room. I stared into the darkness until I heard Gawain's deep breathing, telling me he was asleep. I continued to stare until I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer.

* * *

When I woke up Gawain was still sleeping next to me. I got out of bed slowly before leaving the room. I went to the kitchen and ate for the first time in days. I heard the door open and I turned around to see Galahad walking up to me.

"Hey." I smiled as he sat next to me.

"Hi." He replied, kissing my cheek. "How are feeling this morning?" He asked.

"Okay." I replied. "How about you?"

"I'm fine." He told me.

There was an awkward silence between us. He kept looking at me as I ate. I didn't eat very much but it was still a step forward.

I pushed my plate away from me. "Did you come here for breakfast or just to watch me?" I asked him.

"Both." He replied. "We're all just worried about you."

"Don't be. I'm doing a lot better." I told him.

"Today you are. Tomorrow you might be twice as bad." He replied gently.

I looked at him. "Gal, you're right. I'm not okay. I'm not going to be okay for a long time, but I'm out of the room and I've eaten, so I'm doing okay."

"Let's go for a ride." He smiled.

I smiled back at him. "Okay." I replied.

We walked to the stables. He gently shoved me and I smiled at him. The fresh air was nice. It smelled glorious. When we reached the stables I whistled for Zeus and his head appeared from a nearby stall. I smiled at the horse and walked over to him.

"Hey boy. Sorry I haven't been around lately. Things have happened." I told him. He nickered and nuzzled me. "I missed you too."

"Come on." Gal said as he walked his horse from the stables.

I smiled and opened the stall. Zeus happily trotted out. I decided to go bareback and jumped up onto his back. I walked him out of the stables but he was so excited to be out that he could hardly contain himself. Gal mounted his horse and started to trot around. Zeus took over and started to gallop through the village, knowing the field was nearby. I gripped him hard as he ran. It was wonderful being on his back again. Gal caught up quickly and we raced through the village until the field came into view. I stopped Zeus and Gal stopped next to me.

"Do you think your horse can beat mine to the edge of the trees and back?" He grinned.

"Blindfolded." I replied with a smile.

Galahad laughed. I met Galahad's eyes and when I saw him grip his horse's reigns I clicked my tongue and Zeus shot forward. I had a short lead on Gal but he quickly moved parallel to me. I looked at him and grinned, leaning further forward as Zeus picked up speed. We made it to the edge of the trees nearly at the same time, both horses' skidding as they made the turn. We darted back across the field. I kicked Zeus and whispered in his ear to go faster as Gal pulled his horse next to us. Zeus neighed and I felt his muscles move faster as he pushed himself forward. We pulled ahead of Galahad and his horse and made it back to the starting point at least a yard ahead on them. I slowed Zeus and walked him back to where Galahad had stopped.

"So what do I get for winning?" I grinned at him.

"Not a thing." He replied.

"Figures."

"Seeing you smile again is nice." He told me.

My smile faltered and I looked at him. I knew that I wasn't myself but I didn't like all of the comments about seeing me smile and about doing better. I wasn't supposed to be better. I wasn't supposed to be all right. I was supposed to be depressed and withdrawn. My husband was dead. I looked at the ring on my finger and gently turned it. The dream I had had came to my mind and I toyed with the idea of finding a way to leave.

"You got quiet. Is it something I said?" He asked.

"It's nothing. I was just thinking." I told him.

I brought Zeus back to the stables, putting him back into his stall. Galahad followed me doing the same. We walked back to the fortress and I thanked him for the ride before telling him that I was going to go relax for a while. He didn't argue with me. I walked to my room and paused before opening the door. Once inside I looked at how unkempt it was. I felt the need to clean it up. I went around the room and picked everything up. Once I was done I sat on the bed thinking about what my next move should be. I remembered telling Arthur that I would stay as long as Tristan was here. It had never occurred to me how real the possibility was that he may not be. Without him I wasn't sure what I should do. My dream popped back into my head. Him telling me to go home. The more I thought about it the more I thought it might be the best idea. I would have more distractions there and, unlike here, everything wouldn't remind me of him. The more I thought about it the more it sounded like a good idea. In the end I made up my mind to leave. To try and find a way back. I took a canvas bag and started to put the things I wanted to take with me inside of it. I was just about done when I checked under the bed and the drawings of Tristan, me, and the knights were there. I picked them up and looked at them. Tears filled my eyes remembering that night and how happy we all were. I carefully rolled them up and put them safely into the bag. Tomorrow morning was Arthur and Guinn's ceremony. I decided to leave after that. It would be the best time. But it was going to be hard to say goodbye to everyone. Knowing that I would never see them again.


	21. Final Goodbye

**Disclaimer: See chapter one.**

**A/N: Here is the next chapter. I hope you like it. Reviews are always welcome. **

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_Chapter Twenty-one: Final Goodbye_

I didn't sleep at all that night. I sat in the middle of the bed, looking around the room, remembering the moments I had had while I was in this land. It was past midnight when I got off the bed, feeling the need to wander the grounds one last time. I made my way from the fortress. On top of the wall, posts were lit, shedding light over the grounds. I could see well enough. I walked through the village, stopping at all the spots that meant something to me. I lingered a long time in front of Bors home. I didn't know how I was going to tell him and the others that I was leaving. It would hurt them as well as me. I walked to the stables and stood with Zeus for more than an hour's time. The horse seemed to sense that something was wrong and he leaned his head against me, nickering softly. I stroked him till I couldn't anymore before moving on to my last stop of evening. I knelt next to the mound, the flames still alive on top of it. I ran my hand over the dirt and closed my eyes, tears filling them.

"I'm leaving then." I told him. "Okay Tristan? I'll go if that's what you want." There were no words of reply, only a soft breeze that blew through my hair. "I don't want to leave you but it'll be so hard to stay. I know that now. I could never be happy here again. I could find comfort but knowing that you aren't here hurts so much and I don't think I'll ever be able to get past the pain. I'd end up here every day, in pain, agonized by the fact that you're dead. The word itself sounds odd these days." I said and paused. "I just love you so much. You not being here hurts so bad." I said with tears streaming down my cheeks. "I don't know if I can handle you not being here. I really don't think I can. It hurts too much and I see and hear you everywhere. I hear your voice but when I turn you're not there. I think I see you but when I catch up I realize that it wasn't you. You're gone and I just can't handle it. I can't bear to live without you." I said and wiped the tears from my cheeks. "I just can't." I sat there trying to control myself when I heard footsteps. I looked up to see Gawain walking up to me. "Gawain…what are you doing here?" I asked, wiping the tears away again.

"I heard you, wanted to come make sure you're okay." He replied.

I laughed. "Okay? I'm no where near okay." I told him coldly. "My husband is dead. So if you're wondering whether I'm okay or not then, no. I am not okay."

He walked over to me, kneeling next to me. "I know." He said and put an arm over my shoulders.

I leaned against him and tried to control my emotions. I was shaking from crying and being afraid for what was to come. He kissed my hair and took my hand in his. I squeezed his hand hard as I tried to calm down.

"Come on." He said. "Let's get you back inside."

"Can you just give me a few more minutes?" I asked him. He nodded and smiled before leaving the cemetery. "Thank you." I told him. I looked back at Tristan's grave and rested my hands on top of it. "Tristan…I will love you till the day I die. You will always be with me and me with you. I am so sorry that we didn't get a real chance but one day we'll be together again. One day I will see you again. That day will be the happiest of my life. For now I must leave you. But I will see you again. Even if that means finding a way back here, to sit right here again. I hope you're okay where you are. I love you Tristan." I said and paused. "Goodbye."

I quickly got up and left the cemetery. Gawain put an arm around me as we walked back to the fortress. He followed me back to my room and let us inside. I sighed and looked around the room. I took a few steps forward and turned toward Gawain. He had a painful expression on his face.

"Going somewhere?" He asked seeing my bag and the emptiness of the room.

"I'm leaving." I told him.

"When?"

"Tomorrow, after the ceremony." I replied. He looked hurt. "I was going to tell you. All of you." I told him.

"When, as you rode off?" He asked harshly.

Anger started to seep into me. "Don't take that tone with me." I told him coldly. "I have lost everything. I have lost my husband, and my best friend. I don't have anything left and I need to leave. It hurts too much to be here."

"You've lost everything? What about me and the men? We're still here for you." He told me.

"I know you are." I told him sadly. "But it's not the same and you all have lives to live. I would just be in the way."

"Stay." He told me, moving closer to me.

"I can't." I said looking up at him. "But could you do me a favor?" I asked. He nodded. "Will you lay with me for a little while? Just so I don't feel so alone." He nodded again.

I laid on the bed and he laid next to me. He put arms around me. I laid my head on his chest, my knees bent against him. He held me gently, running his fingers through my hair. I closed my eyes and tried to get some sleep. He kissed my forehead and I took a deep breath, taking in his comfort. Soon my eyes felt heavy and sleep finally took me.

* * *

As I slept Tristan's face kept flashing behind my eyes and the next thing I knew I shot awake. Gawain was still holding me. I moved away from him, his arms falling away from me. He was asleep. The sun was starting to rise but it had been no more than a few hours. I got up and changed from the dress I had on to my normal clothes. I knew everyone would wonder what was going on but in time it would be clear. I double checked everything to make sure I was ready and then just sat and waited for morning to come and the day to begin.

I was sitting on the bed leaning against the bed post when Gawain finally awoke. "Hi." I smiled at him.

"Hi." He replied sitting up. "Did you get any sleep?" He asked.

"A little." I told him.

"Are you –" He started but stopped.

I smiled wider at him. "I'm fine." I told him.

He smiled back at me. "Have you changed your mind yet?" He asked, his smile gone.

"You wanna get some breakfast with me?" I countered.

He just looked at me a moment before nodding. He got up and we went to eat. I managed to eat most of my bacon, eggs, and potatoes. It was the last meal I would have here and I wanted to try and enjoy it. Gawain looked at me with concern throughout the whole meal but I ignored it. I didn't need to hear him ask me to stay or to argue with me as we had last night. I just wanted to spend time with them before I left. It was only a matter of a few hours before I'd mount Zeus and take one last look at the fortress before saying goodbye.

After we were done we took a walk through the village, watching both the villagers and the Woads come together to unite their kind. We didn't say anything but he kept glancing at me. I didn't want to hurt them but I had no choice. I asked him to get Bors and Galahad for me. I wanted to see them before the ceremony. I'd say goodbye to Arthur and Guinn after the ceremony, but the others I wanted a little time to spend with them. He did as I asked and I was joined by them near the stables. Gawain and Galahad looked upset but when Bors came he grabbed my arm and looked at me in a way that nearly made me afraid of him.

"What are you thinkin'?" He asked me angrily. "Leaving? What the hell is the matter with you?" I looked at him, tears filling my eyes. I didn't know what to say to him. "You can't leave." He told me.

I closed my eyes, lowering my head. He let my arm go and I looked up at him, a tear sliding down my cheek. "I'm sorry Bors." I whispered.

His face grew from anger to sadness. "Paige, you can't leave. Not after everything we've all been through together." He told me.

"I can't stay." I told him, putting my hand on his cheek. "I can't stay here any longer. Tristan is dead. I've lost everything. I know that you're still here. I know that. But you have Vanora and your kids. All of you have your own lives. I'd just get in the way. Tristan was my life and now he's gone. So I've decided to try and return to my old life. Return to my own time."

"What are you talking about?" Galahad asked.

"Oh come on. You don't honestly think I was born here do you? Didn't Arthur tell you?" I asked.

"No, he hasn't said anything." Bors told me.

"I overheard him and Guinevere talking about it." Gawain confessed. We all looked at him. "They said something about you being from the future. No details though."

"Well, it's the truth." I told them. "And I need to try and get back to my time. I need to leave. If I stay I'll be miserable. But if I leave I might be able to move on. I might be able to fulfill my promise to Tristan. I promised him that I'd be happy." They all just looked at me. "I promised him and I can't be happy if I stay here. I see and hear him everywhere. I need to get away. I need to leave, but I can't leave if you are all mad at me." I finished. They all just looked at me. "Say something." I said looking at Bors.

He looked back at me for a long time. "I'm gonna miss you terribly." He told me.

"I'm gonna miss you too." I said and put my arms around his neck, hugging him tight.

I hugged them each in turn before we went to Bors's home. I needed to say goodbye to Vanora and the kids. It was sweet but sad. We stayed until we needed to be at the ceremony, walking together. I stood with the knights' as Merlin performed the ceremony for Arthur and Guinn. Arthur looked dashing and Guinn had never looked so beautiful. It was truly amazing to see them together. I felt a pain inside of me for Lancelot but I pushed the feeling away, he was in a better place now, or so I hoped.

"Arthur. Guinevere. Our people are one. As you are." Merlin told them after he had finished. The crowd cheered.

"Now I'm really gonna have to marry your mother." Bors said holding his infant son out in front of him. I laughed up at him.

"Who said I'd have you?" Vanora said and took the baby from his hands.

I laughed and nudged him. He put his arm around me and kissed my forehead.

"King Arthur!" Merlin yelled.

"Hail, Arthur!" Everyone yelled.

"Let every man, woman, child bear witness that from this day all Britons will be united in one common cause." Arthur said with his sword raised into the air.

"Arthur! Arthur!" Everyone yelled.

"Artorius!" Bors yelled.

We all hailed the new king before we all dispersed. The knights', Guinn, and I were the only one's left. We stood in a small circle looking at each other. It felt a little awkward.

"Congratulations." I told Arthur and Guinn. "I'm really happy for the two of you."

"Thank you." Guinn said hugging me tight.

Arthur pulled me against him. I hugged him tight. "Have a safe trip." He told me.

"Figured it out did you?" I smiled up at him, my arms still around him.

"I knew that if Tristan didn't survive that you'd be leaving." He replied.

"I'm gonna miss you." I told me.

"And I you." He said and kissed my forehead before hugging me tightly.

"I'm gonna miss you more." Guinn said hugging me again. "You helped me through the hardest time of my life. Thank you." She told me.

"No, thank you. I wouldn't have survived without you." I replied. "I'm gonna miss you so much. All of you."

We had a group hug moment before being released and stood in a circle once more. We all looked at each other again and I couldn't help but smile at them. I nodded and hugged each person once more before turning away from them, walking away, hoping that I'd be strong enough not to look back. I rushed to the stables and took Zeus out. I tacked him up and mounted him. I stroked his neck before moving him forward. Once I was through the doors I kicked him hard and he shot forward. I rushed through the fortress and out the gates as they were opened for me. I ran Zeus down the path before feeling the need to stop. I turned back toward the fortress to see the figures of my loved ones on top of the wall.

"Rus!" I heard Bors yell.

I pushed the mounting tears back and shouted back to them. "Rus!"

I took a deep breath and Zeus reared momentarily before darting down the path once more. I didn't have a solid plan as to how I was going to get back. I was to return to the field to see if I could figure it out. After that I was going to simply do what I could. In the end I understood the possibility of returning, knowing that there may not be a way back. I was still working through my thoughts when there was a flash of white light before the feeling of falling.


	22. Epilogue

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything from King Arthur**

**A/N: So here it is. This is the final chapter of In Times Past. I hope you like it. PLEASE read and review. I would really like to know what you think of it. It would be most appreciated! **

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_Chapter Twenty-two: Epilogue_

When I hit the ground and the light disappeared I looked around to find myself in the same clearing that I had left from. The canvas bag was held firmly in my hand. It had happened fast. I managed to grab the bag as the light intensified and I left the saddle. Zeus came to my mind and I hoped that he was alright, hoped that he'd return to the fortress. They would look after him well. I laid there and thought a moment, thought of what actually being back meant, having to deal with everything and everyone that I left behind. Tears sprung to my eyes and I ran my fingers through my hair. I rolled onto my side and for a moment I saw Tristan staring back at me. I closed my eyes knowing that it wasn't real, even though my mind wanted to believe. I got to my feet and made my way back to the cabin. The woods looked different to me. They seemed greener then I had remembered. There were patches of snow here and there. Time had continued on in my absence. I couldn't imagine how worried people must be about me…and Derek. I ran my fingers through my hair again and put the bags strap over my head, resting it on my shoulder. I walked to the cabin to find it dusty and the door left open, yellow tape crisscrossed across it. It looked like they had decided some kind of crime had happened. Now that I was back I realized that I had no story. I had no idea what I was going to tell people. Derek had been killed by men who lived centuries ago. I looked at the ring on my finger and wondered what people would say when I told them I was widowed. Widowed after Derek's death. Anger rose inside of me and I ripped the tape down, looking around inside. I didn't know what I was expecting but it had been mostly emptied out. It then dawned on me that I had a very long walk ahead of me. I decided to stay the night in the cabin. I wasn't sure what time it was but by the looks of the sun, it would be setting soon. I put my bag aside and when into the bedroom. I brushed the dust off of the bed and laid down. I stared at the wall. I stared at the same spot on the wall until the sun was set and my eyes grew too heavy to keep open.

Once the sunlight came through the window I got up and decided to head out. I would need the day to get back to the road and find a ride back to the nearest town. I didn't know what I was going to do but I needed to make some kind of contact. I needed to see Mark and Meg. I shouldered my bag again and left. It was a leisurely walk through the woods back to the dirt road that led to the main road. It took nearly half the day to get to pavement. I stopped at the edge of the dirt and looked both ways. Not a car in site. I sighed and headed in the direction I needed to go. Only a mere few hours later the first car passed me. It was heading in the opposite direction I needed to go. I kept going and as I got closer to the town I saw more cars, though none were going the same direction I was. When a car finally did head my way I tried the whole sticking out my thumb bit but it didn't stop. I gave up after the third car and decided just to stick to walking. It was probably safer that way anyhow. When I finally reached town I headed to the bus station to find out that the next bus wasn't until the following morning. I was lucky even to be getting a ticket so I didn't fuss about the departure. I didn't care anyway. I didn't care about anything. The only thing driving me was my sense of responsibility and the fact that I wasn't the only one that had gone missing. I had to worry about Derek's family, and telling them that he was dead.

I went to the small motel and picked the lock of a room door. I wouldn't have imagined doing anything like that before but I didn't feel guilty now. There was no car in the parking lot and the chances of them selling this particular room tonight was slim to none. I set the bag down on the bed before dropping on top of it. I opened the bag and slowly took the pictures that were drawn for me out of it. I unrolled them and stared at the one of Tristan. I ran my fingers over his face, smiling, missing him terribly. For a moment I could see him at the foot of the bed, slowly start to crawl toward me. I smiled and blinked, and just a matter of blinking he had disappeared. My smile faded and I felt tears coming to my eyes. It seemed he had followed me even to here. I rolled onto my side and grabbed a pillow, sobbing into it. I cried for a long time before the tears finally stopped. I took a series of deep breaths, calming myself. I looked through the pictures again and tried to sleep, though none would come to me. I stayed in the room until the sun had risen partially before leaving, making sure it was locked behind me. I walked to the nearest café and ordered a cup of coffee. I drank it thankfully and when I pulled out the little change I managed to find in the room the waitress told me that it was on the house. I thanked her and left quickly, before her boss could tell me any different. I walked to the bus station and sat on the small bench and waited. The bus was over an hour late but it didn't matter. I had all the time in the world. I was sure that I didn't have a job anymore and I didn't care. It was amazing how much I didn't care. Almost scary, I used to care about everything. Now nothing mattered. Once the bus arrived I boarded and sat in a seat without saying a word. I was the only passenger for nearly the whole trip, only gaining more when we neared the city. I got off before the bus became too crowded making my way to the house. When I stood in front of it, it looked unfamiliar and I was almost afraid to go inside of it. It was Derek's house, not mine. I didn't see a 'for sale' sign in the yard so I assumed that he still owned it. Or at least his name was still attached to it. I made my way up the walk and stopped at the door. I reached into the dead plants pot next to the door and took out the house key that was buried in it. I wiped it off before slipping the key into the door. It slid in easily and I turned it, pushing the door open. It looked the same as it always did, only it was cleaner than I remembered leaving it. But that might have been because I'd been gone for so long. It was quiet and I walked through the house, re-familiarizing myself with it. I went into the bedroom to see clothes set out on top of it. I opened the closet to see much less inside of it than when I had left. I frowned but it didn't really bother me, it was just peculiar. I sat on the edge of the bed and thought of what I was going to do. I picked up the phone to hear a dial tone, telling me that the phone was still working. I thought about calling someone but decided that I didn't want to. I laid back on the bed and stared into space, my mind taking me back to Rome. I thought of Tristan and how much I missed him. I thought of Dagonet and how he had died. Of Bors, Gawain, Galahad, and the others. Of Arthur and Guinn. Of Lancelot and how I had seen him change while I knew him. I looked around the room and saw nothing familiar anymore. Nothing seemed right. Looking at it all I wished that I had stayed with the knights'. I didn't want to be here. I didn't want to be in this place or see the people I had here. I started to cry, wishing that I had stayed in Rome. Wishing that I had the knights' with me now. Wishing that I had died in the Saxon battle with Tristan. Wishing that I could see him just one last time. I fell into an uneasy sleep, dreaming of Rome and the knights'.

When I woke up I raided what was left of the food in the house. Eating what I could. The coffee was still good so I brewed some up. It tasted like crap but it was something to put in my stomach. After I ate I decided that I couldn't put off calling somebody any longer. I picked up the phone and dialed Meg's number. It rang and I felt the need to hang it up. I was just about to when she picked up the phone.

"Meg?" I asked.

Minutes later there was pounding on the door and when I opened it she flung herself at me.

"Paige! Oh my God! I can't believe you're here! I thought you were dead!" She sobbed into me. "Where've you been?" She asked looking at me, my head in her hands.

"Derek's dead." I told her, getting to the point.

"What?" She asked, tears streaming down her face. "What do you mean he's dead?"

"He was murdered." I told her.

Mark arrived only minutes later followed by the police. Apparently it was a bigger deal then I had thought. I was questioned so many times by so many people that the story seemed faker than it really was. I made up a kidnapping story, not able to think of anything more creative. I told them that we were taken by someone in the woods. Derek tried to fight him off but he was killed in the process. I told them I didn't know what had happened to his body. I went on to tell them that I was taken to some shack in the woods and kept there against my will. I was tortured but treated fair enough. I managed to escape and found refuge among a group of men in the woods. I didn't know where they were, but I knew that the police would check it out anyway so I gave them just enough so it didn't look like I was lying. I did my best to make sure that it was believable even though I knew that there was no chance in hell that they would actually find men matching my descriptions. After they were done questioning me I questioned them about what happened while I was gone. I had been gone for months and a lot had happened. Mark and Sarah were married. Meg had a kid, and both Derek and I were claimed dead. They had a small ceremony for us, to remember us wherever we were. The cabin had been searched as well as the surrounding area but there was no sign of us. Not only was being back a shock but Derek's parents had been called and I had to deal with them coming to the house and seeing me. They knew that Derek was dead but they greeted me with open arms. His mom crying with her arms around me. I remained blank faced throughout the whole thing. They had a doctor come out and take a look at me. He was shocked by what he found. He could feel the bones that had healed on their own as well as the stitching marks and the scars that were left behind after my weeks in the dungeons and the battles I'd been in. I didn't let on to anything that had actually happened. They had no business hearing what had actually happened. I just wanted them all to go away. I wanted to be alone. The questioning and explaining went into the night and when I was finally done only Meg and Mark were left in the house with me.

"Are you okay?" Meg asked me.

"No." I told her flatly.

"Is there anything we can do for you?" Mark asked.

I looked at them. As close as we were before, I wasn't the same person I was and I didn't feel any connection toward them anymore. "Yes." I told them. "You can leave."

"Paige…" Mark said kneeling in front of me. "You don't mean that."

"Honey?" Meg said putting a hand on my back.

"I don't want either of you here. And if you could be sure Derek's parents sell the house that would be great." I told them.

"We'll be in the living room if you need us." Mark told me.

"Don't you understand?" I asked standing up. "I don't want you here. Just go." I told them. They didn't move. "GO!" I yelled at them.

"We can help you." Mark told me. "Just tell us what happened."

"You wouldn't understand." I told them.

"What wouldn't we understand?" Mark asked.

"Let us help you." Meg told me.

"You have no idea what happened to me and I'm not in the divulging mood. I told you to leave. What part of that was unclear?" I told them coldly.

"Paige, please…" Mark said looking at me sadly.

"GET OUT!" I yelled at them. "JUST GET OUT!"

They both stared at me, pain written on their faces. I looked back, my eyes pleading with theirs to leave. They nodded and finally did as I asked. I listened for the door to open and close and when I recognized the sound I rushed around and gathered anything I might need. I packed another bag and shouldered them before leaving the house. I didn't look back as I walked to the nearest ATM and drained my account. I had a decent amount and I bought a bus ticket for the next bus available. I didn't want to stay here and there was no way I was going to. I needed to get away. I needed to change my life, create a new one. I didn't have a destination but I did have a plan. To be alone. The last thing I wanted was to be with people. The only thing I wanted was to get away and to be alone.

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**Five years later**

The snow had fallen heavily over the past few days. The cold air was nice compared to the log house's warmth. It had been five years since my time with the Legendary Sarmatian Knights'. Five long years. After I left the house after my return I used the money I had to find a secluded spot somewhere. I bought a small plot in the middle of nowhere in Montana. In a nestled place between the mountains. I had built a log house, big enough to live comfortably and small enough to fit in a nice secluded wood. There was barely a road leading to my home but it didn't matter. No one came to see me and I hardly left. I didn't have a car. While my home was being built I stayed in the single motel that was in the small town. I worked odd jobs until I had earned enough for everything I needed. It took me a little over a year to accomplish everything I had aimed for. I had my few pets for company and that was all I needed. I thought of the knights' often. They were never very far from my mind. Tristan was always with me. I'd see him here and there as I did things that reminded me of him. My wedding band never leaving my finger and if it did I put it on a chain around my neck. More times than not I still wished that I had remained in Rome with the men I had grown to love. I missed them and no one understood me as well as they had. Meg and Mark tried to contact me every now and again but I never replied and I didn't give anyone my address, mostly because I didn't really have one. I walked from the cabin to the barn, the snow covered pasture stretching out behind it. My two draft horse's greeted me, their heads poking out of their stalls.

"Mathias…" I said handing him his bucket of oats. "Diesel…" I said giving Mathias's brother his own bucket of oats. "Good boys." I said giving each of them a stroke on their necks.

These two boys were my only way of transportation. They were big and strong, able to do anything I asked of them. I'd ride to town and they'd be able to carry any supplies I needed back with us. I kept up my skills with the bow, hunting for meat. I was grateful to Tristan for teaching me. Just another reminder of how intertwined our lives were. I waited for the horses' to finish before letting them out and into the pasture. The day had barely begun and they were anxious to get their exercise for the day. I stepped on the tall wooden crate I had next to the stalls and pulled myself up onto Mathias's back. He nickered and walked to the doors. I pushed them open and they ran out into the pasture, me still on his back. I enjoyed feeding off of his energy in the morning. He was always so happy. Zeus was the only horse I ever saw better than these two. I found them when they weren't quite four and now that they were a little older and broken in they were perfect horses. When I was cold and the horse was ready to forage for grass and other things I led him to back to the barn and I slid from his back before watching him run back out to his brother. I smiled and returned to the house. I opened the door and immediately there was a warm body against my leg.

"Ludo, good boy." I said and stroked my dogs head. He was a St. Bernard mix, very large and very protective. I had very few guests but he always let me know when someone was here, well before they got to the door. Giving me time to prepare. A dagger was never far from my reach. I had trust issues to say the least. "Let's get some breakfast, huh?" I said and stroked the dogs head again.

We ate a hearty breakfast before I went to my office and sat down at the desk. Ludo curled up on his dog bed, heaving a happy sigh, holding his favorite stuffed animal in his mouth. I grinned at the young dog before opening up the stack of paper in front of me. I took out my pen and turned the pages, reading and making corrections.

I hadn't seen another human being in weeks. My only contact to the outside world was with my editor/publisher. Initially when I created a new life for myself I drank more than anything. Haunted by my experiences with the knights'. I wanted to be back there and I drowned myself in alcohol to try and dull the pain. I missed Tristan. I missed them all. Although I knew that alcohol was not the answer and I kicked the habit, not wanting to become too attached to it. I laid in bed for days, trying to figure out what to do. In the end I sat at my desk with a stack of paper in front of me. I took a pen and started to write down my experiences. Initially it was a diary, or a memoir if you wish. Then I changed my name and created a novel based on my experiences with the men. Making it sound like it was all fiction, only a few names matching up with the ones of legend. For whatever reason, possibly out of boredom or depression, I sent it into a publisher and it got picked up by the first one. Her name was Carol Figgins, a very sweet woman, who was not much older than me. She fell in love with the story, telling me how real it all felt when she read it. I'd just smile and thank her. I had only the last chapter to edit before sending it back to her. It was so close to being done. I had little money but enough to get by. This was also my way of earning enough money to live by, never having to leave my small sanctuary again. Or so I hoped.

"Nearly done Carol." I told her over the phone. "I'll send it to you by tomorrow night." I replied. "I don't want a computer. I don't need on. I like not having one." I told her. "Stop pestering me about my lack of technology. You're lucky I have this damn cell phone." I spoke. "Your number is the only one I need." She continued to give me a hard time. "I'll send it to you tomorrow. Goodbye." I said and hung up the phone.

The only reason I had the infernal thing was to call her. She was the only number in the phone. I hadn't talked to Meg, or to Mark in the five years since I'd been back. I thoroughly enjoyed my solitude. The only thing that nagged at me in the back of my mind was my promise to Tristan. He had wanted me to he happy, to have a family, but in all honesty I was happy, and my few animals were my family. They were all I ever really needed. If I could have anything else it would be to have Tristan back. Nearly every night I'd lay in bed and stare at my ring. I'd let the light reflect against the engraving, staring at the words, wishing he was with me. In a way he was with me. Sometimes I wouldn't just see him. Sometimes I thought I could hear him whispering to me. I'd be riding in the woods and I'd hear a whisper riding the wind. I could never truly understand what it was saying but a feeling of calmness and love would wash over me, a feeling that I had when I was with Tristan. The feeling would make me smile and I'd close my eyes, trying to feel him. Every once in a while I could almost feel him but it would go away as fast as it came. My smile would fade and I'd continue on, only to return home and continue my novel. It passed the time and I loved writing down my memories. I had been writing in my journal as well as in the novel. I changed very little in the novel. A few things that I truly regretted or that I had hoped had gone differently I changed for the sake of the book. When I had finally finished revising the last chapter I tied up the book and rode Diesel into town to send it to Carol. I returned home and sat on my small couch with Ludo in my lap, feeling like I had accomplished something. I stroked his head as I looked at the framed drawings on the wall across from me. My memories flooding my mind, making a smile cross my face.

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Over a month had passed and everything was in order. I was forced to join Carol in Helena for my book opening. According to Carol it was supposed to be phenomenal. She was expecting a lot of people. The few critics and reviewers that got to read the book before it's release were going to be there and apparently they had a lot of good things to say about the book. I agreed, of course, why wouldn't I go to my own books opening? But I did convince her to allow me to bring Ludo. I loaded up the horses on food and water for the weekend, knowing I'd be back by then, and packed for my dog and me loaded the two of us into the car that Carol had sent for me. It was a horribly long drive but it could've been worse. I was perfectly happy with Ludo's company but the driver wanted to make small talk. It seemed that he was getting irritated with me. Every question he asked got a one word answer. 

"There you are!" Carol grinned when Ludo and I arrived. "Ludo!" She said and patted the dog's head. "You're nearly late." She told me.

"I know. I'm sorry." I told her.

"Did I ever send the picture I picked out of you for the book?" She asked.

"I told you I didn't want a picture." I replied.

"Well, I picked this one." She said handing me a hardcover book.

It was a picture of Ludo and I. It was actually a good picture. "It's alright I guess." I told her.

"Now get cleaned up and be ready. People will be arriving within the hour."

We were in one of the city's bookstores. It was small but nice. It had a built in café and I went and got a cup of coffee. I got Ludo some water and hoped that today would go well. When people started to arrive I dreaded being there. I had to admit that my people skills had decreased over the past few years. I just hoped that I didn't say something that I shouldn't. As I weaved through the people, everyone was excited to meet me and everyone was very nice to my dog, and that was all that mattered. Anyone who even looked at him wrong was snubbed by not only me but my dog as well when they tried to apologize.

"Your book was fantastic." Some woman told me. "I cried twice, and that's something for me."

"Thank you." I told her, not knowing what else to say.

"Your book had so much feeling and description. It was as if you were really there." A man told me. "I hope you plan on writing another one."

"We'll see." I smiled.

I didn't know what to say to these people. I hardly replied unless I really needed to and even then it was in short sentences. I was so relieved when Carol pulled me aside.

"Thank you." I told her gratefully.

"You're welcome. Only you're probably going to take it back. I need you to meet this man."

"What?" I asked her. "Carol…"

"You don't understand." She said stopping and facing me. "You'll want to meet this one. He's name is Tristan, which is kinda weird. He was named after a great, great, whatever great uncle of his. He's really quite fascinated with your book and really wants to meet you. He's very attractive. So come on." She said dragging me forward.

A pit had fallen in my stomach and I really did not want to meet this man. I had hoped she was going to let me have a ten minute break. When we neared him all I could see was the back of his head. His hair was short in the back but I could tell that it was slightly longer in the front. He had turned his head and another pit fell in my stomach as I looked at his profile. I followed Carol and when she stopped and let me go I lowered my head, staring at my feet. Ludo was sitting next to me and his tail started to wag. As good a dog as he was he never wagged his tail for anyone other then me. I frowned at my dog before looking up into the face of the man in front of me. My breath caught in my throat as I looked into his face. He was clean shaven but his features were unmistakable. My knees felt weak and I could feel my body start to shake.

"Hi, Paige, my name is Tristan." He smiled. His voice all too familiar.

"Oh my God…" I said, shocked, unable to believe my eyes.

THE END


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